Source: agentbedhead.com

For whatever reasons we cannot possibly imagine, the film that shall provide Tom Cruise’s future career salvation, Valkyrie, has been scheduled for reshoots. So, get ready for some more sexy eye-patch action, bitches. According to Variety’s Peter Bart, the Cruise is headed to North Africa to shoot “three final scenes” as Col. Claus Von Stauffenberg for a film that, one year ago, began its production in Germany:

Much has been made of Cruise’s decision to make this film. Some gurus claim that film-goers don’t want to see Tom Terrific with an eye patch playing a Nazi, albeit one who tries to assassinate Hitler. No, Tom does not speak with a faux German accent in the movie, but there are random other accents around, including British.
….
Valkyrie has another mark against it — two changes in its release date. The film is now scheduled for release Feb. 13. That could be a triple advantage, or whammy. It’s Friday the 13th, Valentines Day and Presidents’ Day weekend. That’s Cruise’s chosen release date through his United Artist label, and there’s no way he’s changing it again.

This crap, which is beyond redundant, is turning into the little cinematic disaster that could. Some salvation can be found, however, in a comment to Peter Bart’s original blog post:

There is no way that someone so short as Tom Cruise nearly assasinated me. This film is a farce.
Posted by: Mr Hilter | 6/3/2008 6:32:54 PM

Cough, cough. Glib. Cough, hack, cough.

Previously: Weinstein Pisses Off Cruise; Scientology Official Uses Phrase “Come Out Of The Closet”

Source: agentbedhead.com

We couldn’t help but notice that Tom Cruise looked absolutely radiant the other night at the 2008 MTV VMAs. Obviously, we’re not saying that the man is preggers, but, speaking hypothetically, we would like to express our heartfelt congratulations to Katie Holmes and her little bitch. To celebrate, the Cruises might consider a cruise, for Radar magazine has the scoop on the S.S. Asbestos Freewinds, which appears to have made a miraculous recovery and is currently booking cruises for for exciting destinations — “Costa Rica, Italy, Spain, Venezuela, Sweden, Finland, France, Amsterdam, Canada, L.A., and … Cincinnati” — beginning in July! So, book your advanced brainwashing seminars now, bitches.

Cincinnati… for realz?

Last Friday, I meant to post a video, which shall henceforth be known as proof that “Jason Beghe Is One Bad Motherfucker,” but several days of other commitments have pulled me away from blogging more than “fluff” topics. Now, the issue of timely relevance precludes wasting more of your time with excuses and introductory details, so we’re going right into it.

During last week’s “Anonymous” protest of the NYC Scientology headquarters, where the anti-Scientology group was joined by Jason Beghe, former cult member and OT V Auditor, who was described by Enturbulation.org members as “hawt” & “friendly and warm.” Beghe tried to walk into the org in NYC but was turned away by three of Scientology’s private security goons. He then spoke to protestors, according to according to Tony Ortega of the Village Voice:

Beghe showed up and shook hands with admiring Anonymous members.

“You guys are hard ass, you’re not even anonymous!” he said in surprise. In other cities, protesters often wear disguises–Guy Fawkes masks are popular–in an attempt to shield their identities from Scientology, which is notorious for its harassment of critics. But arcane laws originally intended to foil the Ku Klux Klan make it illegal for demonstrators to wear masks in New York, and the NYPD. which was on the scene of the protest in minutes, is vigilant about the law.

“What you guys are doing means so much to me, and so much to these people…It just kills me. It makes me want to cry. You don’t know what kind of good you’re doing,” Beghe told the activists.

However, since “Jason Beghe Is One Bad Motherfucker,” he did not actually cry. Video below:

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Source: agentbedhead.com

Will Smith and Tom Cruise were both present and accounted for at last evenings 2008 MTV Movie Awards. However, one would be hard pressed to find a photo of these two together during the entire schbang. Has the bromance cooled so quickly? Nah… I’d guess that some studio head is likely just concerned about the Scientology curse and its potential effect on the box office receipts for Smith’s impending Hancock film. So, how exactly does one avoid Tom Cruise?

1. Hang with the cool kids & hope Jason Bateman can negate The Cruise Effect:

…

2. Bring your own short guy to the event, so Katie Holmes can keep her own.

…

3. Stand next to someone who will protect you — Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson:

…

… and if all else fails …

4. Do an unflattering imitation of Tom Cruise himself. Then, get jiggy with it.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Progress has been made in the fight against Scientology on the part of Anonymous as well as anyone who values free speech. This success owes much to the outrage generated from a media blitz over a move by the City Of London police, who cited a 15-year old boy for holding an anti-Scientology sign that contained the word “cult.” The teenager will not be prosecuted:

The Crown Prosecution Service ruled the word was neither “abusive or insulting” to the church and no further action would be taken against the boy.

The summons was issued under the Public Order Act on the grounds that the sign incited religious hatred.

A file was passed to the CPS, which today told City of London police it would not be pursuing the boy through the courts.

A spokeswoman for the force said: “The CPS review of the case includes advice on what action or behaviour at a demonstration might be considered to be threatening, abusive or insulting.

“The force’s policing of future demonstrations will reflect this advice.”

A CPS spokesman said: “In consultation with the City of London police, we were asked whether the sign, which read ‘Scientology is not a religion it is a dangerous cult’, was abusive or insulting.

“Our advice is that it is not abusive or insulting and there is no offensiveness, as opposed to criticism, neither in the idea expressed nor in the mode of expression. No action will be taken against the individual.”

The teenager’s mother said the decision was “a victory for free speech”.

“We’re all incredibly proud of him. We advised him to take the placard down when we realised what was happening but he said ‘No, it’s my opinion and I have a right to express it’.” she said.

This victory sets an incredible precedent that will, no doubt, be drawn upon in future court decisions. It will be interesting to see how this decision affects the City Of London police, particularly those officers who, as Flea notes, have, in years’ past, accepted bribes gifts from the COS.

So, free speech wins this battle. Now for the rest of the war — to free the enslaved & reunite those who have been separated from their families by this cult. Some of their stories can be found here.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The only thing sexier than Will Smith’s love-hate relationship with Hitler is the close and intimate friendship that Smith enjoys with Tom Cruise. It’s only a little bromance, folks, so lighten the fuck up already.

Consequently, it’s a damn shame that Will Smith’s upcoming film, Hancock, has hit a bit of a snag in that its world premiere has been delayed, but this has nothing to do with Tom Cruise or Scientology:

Will Smith. He’s not involved with Scientology (he claims) despite the best efforts of uber-recruiter Tom Cruise flashing his dazzling smile towards Smith and demanding that he looks into his eyes (not around the eyes, etc).

What a travesty. It must be a mere coincidence that the film’s premiere has not only been rescheduled but also relocated from the Fresh Prince’s original choice of venue, Australia, to France. Certainly, this has nothing to do with the fact that Scientology’s wealthiest member, Australian billionaire James Packer, is now an ex-member of the cult. Obviously, this has nothing to do with that silly rumour that Will gave out free audit gift cards at the film’s wrap party. Finally, we’re not sure whether this has anything at all to do with recent revelations of Will Smith’s “secret” Scientology school, but if it does, we’re pretty damn sure that we told him so.

Source: agentbedhead.com

AB: Dude, if for some reason I disappear….
just know that the Scientologists did it.

Flea: Now wondering if there is a Scientology Hostel.

AB: Yes. They drill the thetans out of your body.

Flea: Damn thetans! And then you get a tattoo of L. Ron Hubbard’s face.

AB: Hahahaaaaa! Nooooo. Don’t point that e-meter at me! Hey, this isn’t funny anymore….

To Be Continued.

Source: agentbedhead.com

While Oprah relives her recent moments of hair-raising ecstasy at the hands of one Tom Cruise, others are finding out that, well, it just doesn’t pay to kiss ass. Case in point: While high-level Scientologists (and their slave laborers) were celebrating the birthday of the prophet, Tom Cruise, they were unwittingly breathing invisible particles of blue asbestos. Exposure to this well-known carcinogen immediately places normal human beings into the high-risk category for mesothelioma, an extremely lethal form of lung cancer. Ain’t that a bitch?

Of course, celebrity Scientologist Jenna Elfman once famously screamed, “AIDS is a state of mind, not a disease. Get over it!” It would necessarily follow that perhaps Scientologists believe themselves immune to cancer as well — that’s quite a leap of faith.

Regardless of L.Ron Hubbard’s version of the truth, the Freewinds cruise ship has been “sealed and docked by officials in Curacao.” This means that the upcoming cruise (see invite at right) is cancelled while the ship awaits investigation by mere mortals:

An affidavit filed in 2001 by Lawrence Woodcraft, a former Scientologist and trained architect, claims that Woodcraft encountered the fibrous minerals while working on the ship in 1987, and promptly informed Scientology leaders. For over 21 years, Scientology has knowingly exposed passengers to what is generally considered the most lethal form of asbestos. The National Toxicology Program classifies asbestos as a known human carcinogen. The EPA has also classified asbestos as a human carcinogen. The use of asbestos in new construction projects has been banned for health and safety reasons in many developed countries, including all 27 member states of the European Union, Australia, Japan, and New Zealand.

So, this affidavit was filed in the U.S. in 2001, but it still took officials until now to seal and isolate the ship? These weren’t U.S. officials either, which leads to the conclusion that the U.S. government just isn’t concerned about any of Scientology’s alleged misdeeds.

Of course, an untold number of technicians and lower-level Scientologists have, over the years, worked upon this Cruise Ship Of Doom. Since only Scientologists who have reached the higher OT Levels are assumed to have achieved immortality and freedom from sickness, this failure by Scientology to inform seems rather… 2nd degree homicidal (showing a willful and reckless disregard for life):

During refurbishing and reparatory work, which involved removing the ceiling and panelling on cruise ship Freewinds, blue asbestos was released and ended up in the ventilation system. Freewinds’ captain did not report this when it’s [sic] own personnel were working on the ship on the Mathey warf in Otrobanda. The Curacao Drydock Company (CDM), where the ship was taken for reparatory work on the hull, heard from the surveyor that there may be asbestos on the ship. The captain acknowledged the incident and said that after the incident Freewinds had some investigation done.

A confirmed member of Anonymous has issued this response:

“While we believe every person has the right to hold whatever beliefs they prefer, that right does not grant Scientology freedom to knowingly expose thousands of people to extremely dangerous substances without informing them of the danger.”

All of this also lends some bittersweet credence to a portion of Jason Beghe’s interview, in which he stated “That ship is a fleabag… it ain’t no nice luxury liner or nothing.”

On a more celebratory note, tune into Oprah’s show this Friday to celebrate 25 years in film for Tom Cruise!!!

Oprah/Tom photos from the Daily Mail.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Not too terribly long ago, Oprah Winfrey told “Good Morning America” that Tom Cruise and his couch jumping were whack:

“It was wilder than it was appearing to me,” Winfrey said. “I was just trying to maintain the truth for myself because I couldn’t figure out what was going on. And what I was prepared for was the dance that happens when you’re doing celebrities — when you know they’re not going to tell you, but you’re going to ask anyway, and then you try asking another way.”

Instead of the “dance,” Winfrey was confronted with an Irish jig on top of her furniture.

“I was not buying — not buying or not buying,” Winfrey said of Cruise’s declarations of love. “That’s why I kept saying to [him,] ‘you’re gone, you’re really gone.’”

So, we’re wondering what sort of blackmail occurred for Oprah to invite Cruise onto her show for a “twofer” in a vain attempt to repair his still-tarnished image. Oprah doesn’t need the ratings or the money. The thing is, I’m betting that Tom didn’t even want to have any part in this reunion because, hell, his public image is fine, already. He’s normal, remember? It’s society, having been brainwashed by psychiatrists gone wild, that has the problem.

At any rate, Oprah reportedly “goes there” with Cruise by grilling him about Scientology, his temper tantrum when asked about psychiatry by Matt Lauer, “and, yes, the infamous couch-jumping incident.” We even hear that Oprah let Tom drive her around on his little snowmobile. Awwwww.

Seriously, blackmail.

Image: Access Hollywood

Source: agentbedhead.com

While Tom Cruise prepares for his next closeup on the Oprah Winfrey show, Jenna Miscavage (the niece of Scientology world leader, David Miscavage) gave an interview to “Nightline” about what it’s like to grow up as a member of the COS. In particular, Jenna was recruited into the Sea Org by means of a 1 billion year contract to express her devotion to the cult. In return, Jenna and other Sea Org children received work weeks that regularly exceeded 100 hours per week.

The interview also briefly touched upon the Cruise as the “Face of Scientology” (crikey!), and this leads to questions of willful blindness on the part of Cruise and other high profile celebrity members of Scientology. Do these celebs know what occurs in the Sea Org? Obviously, they’ve heard the stories but choose to dismiss them for a greater good, as John Travolta alluded in a 1983 Rolling Stone interview:

RS: “Then despite all the negative publicity about Scientology, you still believe?”

Travolta: “Yes. I think it’s pretty brilliant. I try to separate the material and the organization, because I don’t agree with the way the organization is being run. I believe that the material is more worthy than the individuals who are handling it.”

RS: “Scientology uses your name a lot in promoting its cause. Do you feel it has used your celebrity for its own purposes?”

Travolta: “I’ve been something of an ostrich about how it’s used me, because I haven’t investigated exactly what the organization’s done. One part of me says that if somebody gets some good out of it, maybe it’s all right. The other part of me says that I hope it uses some taste and discretion. I wish I could defend Scientology better, but I don’t think it even deserves to be defended, in a sense.”

So, in the instances where Scientology has been implicated in certain homicides, these celeb members probably overlook that as well. Nice work!

Video clips of Jenna Miscavage’s “Nightline” interview are below:

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Source: agentbedhead.com

After our last update on the madness of Scientology, I took the time to watch the entirety of Jason Beghe’s interview. While the whole thing has yet to be transcribed in its entirety, this particular portion was amusing enough that I’m making a verbatim attempt to relate Beghe’s story of how David Duchovny reacted to the lore of Scientology:

My best friend… he came to my school in 9th grade… I saw him, and I said, you know something? You and I are gonna be friends. I think that’s the first thing I ever said to him… He’s a big famous actor now and an amazing guy… David Duchovny. Our relationship was adversely affected by my being in Scientology. He was very cool, you know, but, he wasn’t into it. He never gave me any fucking thing about it, you know, but, uh, and I think his wife… I perceived that, you know, she was a little bit more like (makes a “back off” motion)… and they were right, but everybody in Scientology, [they] said, well, he’s an 1/1 SP, okay? In other words, trying to destroy my relationship with him, and it affected our relationship. 1/1 is a definition. It’s “covertly hostile”…

When I got out, one of the first people I went to go see was David… we live in the same city. So, I went over to his house… we were just walking around… so we started to talk just a little bit about, like, the OT levels and stuff like that, you know, and he doesn’t watch “Southpark” or whatever. I started to explain to him the story about Xenu and the royal officers, I tell you, fuck me (laughs), I mean, I couldn’t get my way 1/3 of the way through the story, and we had our faces on the floor, we were laughing so hard. I mean, you couldn’t even talk because it was just so… it’s retarded. It’s insane.

Of course, Duchovny has walked in Fox Mulder’s shoes, so he’s used to alien-related weirdness. However, insanity is an entirely different matter! You can see this particular portion of Jason Beghe’s interview below, or go here for the whole schbang in its eight-segmented entirety.

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Source: agentbedhead.com

Wowwee! Check out these über suave photos of Tom Cruise in the never-coming Valkyrie. These pictures were obviously not released to make us want to see this film, which can certainly dig its own Sachsenhausen. Whatever the reason, these photos are definitely working, for that is one marketable ass. I mean, other than Kitler, I have never found a Nazi even remotely endearing, but Tom just sizzles in these shots.

I would so be his wingman anytime.

Images: Empire

Source: agentbedhead.com

Oh, bloody hell, mates. First off, I would like to thank those of you who emailed me about this story. I cannot begin to explain how flattering it is that, when you hear of a new exploitation for crackhead Pete Doherty, your minds automatically lead you to pass said tidbit onto me. On with the show, mates.

So, the English red tops are all aflutter with the latest revelations that Pete Doherty may be newly obsessed with Scientology. In particular, The Sun claims that Doherty has stocked up on Scientology literature after he was photographed walking next to “Scientologist DJ Nadine Ruddy.” Naturally, if one walks next to someone else, they automatically want to adopt their religion.

A source said: “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it. He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in.”

This air of mystery can easily be interpreted as this: Pete Doherty, after hearing rumours of Kate Moss’ as-of-yet unconfirmed engagement to the ruggedly sexy Jamie Hince, wants to look like he’s getting laid too. And, as everyone knows, the quickest route into a Scientologist’s pants is to brush up on the terminology, and, when all else fails, nod politely and sign up for a few auditing courses. Sexy.

Obviously, Scientology loves celebrities, and Pete Doherty is more of a celebrity than any other musician in England. Further, Scientology has really yet to crack England in the same manner as it has anchored its tentacles throughout the United States. However, the image-conscious cult probably isn’t interested in the junkie wastrel as the new face of Scientology:

• Pete Doherty is anti-establishment to the point of advocating “petrol bombers, mate, and fighting in the streets.”
• Pete Doherty talks too much and is easily twice the loose cannon as Tom Cruise, who can at least stay on topic.
• Pete Doherty will never stop taking drugs. While Scientology would love to claim him as a Narcanon™ success, the risk of failure is approximately 137%.
• Tom Cruise and John Travolta would shit twice and die before allowing Doherty into the cult. ‘Nuff said.

However, some good can come of these Scientology rumours that stem from Doherty being photographed (below left) with Nadine Ruddy. This provides the excellent opportunity to slap Doherty’s head onto Tom Cruise’s tiny little body. Bless their little cotton socks.