Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

So the star of Grey’s Anatomy is showing her own anatomy while jogging somewhere in a see through shirt and I just made a lame fucking joke and feel like I was your real dad and this was some kind of dinner party with all your friends and I totally embarrassed you, but not as bad as the time you caught me in the bathroom at your Sweet 16 Slumber party trying to convince your hot friend that my tongue was the roll of toilet paper minutes before getting her pregnant and having to explain to her parents that I couldn’t afford to pay for half of her abortion, but if they covered it up front, I could pay them back in installments. That was a mess we don’t want to relive, kinda like this post because it sucks.

Speaking of sucking, Ellen Pompeo has some pretty shitty tits and it’s not because they are small it’s because they look like they are placed where a normal person’s belly button would be, which I guess isn’t that back because they aren’t hangin lower than my self esteem after writing this piece of shit and I blame you. Asshole.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I don’t think Britney is any crazier than the bitch I used to date who woke me up with a knife to my throat because she thought I was cheating on her with the checkout clerk at the grocery store because I told her she was cute, or the bitch I found overdosed in the bathtub convulsing after having sex with me, or the bitch who used to fuck everything that walked behind my back and would come home to me begging me to marry her, or even my current wife who emotionally eats herself to death but really doesn’t give me all that many headaches except when she doesn’t shower.

So this whole Britney bi-polar shit is just excuses or labels on things that really don’t need labels, because the reality is that Britney is just a chick and in being a chick she’s just emotionally unstable and I blame it on her period.

Either way, she’s running around in see-through halter tops that make us all feel like we are lying in her bed and she’s dressing up all sexy for us in hopes of having a special night together that leads to making a replacement baby for her and this whole free-spirited take on life is pretty fuckin’ entertaining, because the people want to know and Britney’s giving us what we want and crazy or not, that’s a pretty nice gift. Thanks.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Tara Reid doesn’t really need a reason to party, bitch will get wasted just to celebrate waking up in the morning, but for some reason she’s out celebrating Chinese New Year this past weekend with her little gay friend like she was Chinese. There’s something really arousing about seeing a girl in a stained dress leaving a party wasted that makes the animal in me want to follow her back home like I was invited to watch her sleep. Unfortunately never sleeps, she just keeps on going like some lifelong rave Energizer Bunny hopped up on substances so I guess I can only dream of making some more stains that count on her dress, none of this too drunk to hold my drink so I spill on myself bullshit, I’m talking about semen and vomit….two things that go hand it hand when it comes to me.

Here are Some Bonus Pics from the Event of some Hot Body Painted Chick and Some Sarah Jessica Parker Bitch Named Hofit Golan With Her Retarded Big Tits

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some playful Britney pics, because I like to think of crazy people as playful because in their insanity they are always smiling and having a good time while laughing hysterically, when the assholes I see on the street who are late for work and seemingly normal on the surface with their shitty standard suburban lives are always pissed off at the world and hate their lives as much as they hate their wives because the only happy they know is when their paycheck roles in and they express that joy by pretending to be excited when talking to their clients with fake happy business talk like you learn when you’re a telemarketer, which you probably are, because that’s all I expect out of you.

When I worked in an office for about a minute before being fired for drinking on the job, I would always go out on my breaks for smokes with crazed homeless people to get some taste of reality. I remember one immaciated guy who was always fucking drunk who would try to sell people dieting tips for a dollar, for those fat women who paid him for his secret, he’d just tell them to stop eating because they were fat and run off with their money to buy booze. It’s that kind of honesty that I respect

Source: yeeeah.com

Here’s a little somethin’ to start your morning off right: I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself on a serene beach. No, really. Just do it. The sun warm on your face, a salty breeze, the faint cry of seagulls and surf in the backdrop of your mind. Are we there yet? Okay, good. Now I want you to conjure up the image of Pete Doherty’s nipples. Puffy and pink, surrounded by moles and the occasional wayward sprig of hair. Okay, now imagine they’re chapped. Drink it all in like a fine port — swirl it around in your metaphorical glass and breathe in the heady bouquet of puss and flaking areolas. Lastly, imagine them nestled like bleeding bird eggs inside his girlfriend’s Cross Your Heart. Voila! — instantaneous bliss. You can thank me later. According to Female First

Pete Doherty is wearing his girlfriend’s bras to protect his “sore nipples”. The troubled Babyshambles rocker is in training for this year’s Flora London Marathon [and] complains his T-shirts are chafing his chest. [Doherty] has been borrowing 19-year-old model Portia Freeman’s padded underwear to ease the pain.

A source said: “He’s really serious about kicking drugs and this is really testing his will power and giving him a goal. All that is putting him off are his amazingly sore nipples, but Portia’s underwear is really helping.”

The only thing that could possibly be worse than Pete Doherty’s chapped nipples is maybe an oozing boil on Blake Fielder-Civil’s taint, but I’m going to save myself the trip and let you take the mental escape there yourself. You can just send me a postcard instead.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Jessica Alba the other day that could be her first photoshoot since admitting to the world that she takes loads in her and doesn’t believe in vacuuming the STD out. It’s pretty obvious that she’s knocked up now and the baby is showing and shit, I guess it only takes 9 months to ruin 10 years of working on being a slut we all wanted to knock up.

Reality is that you’re so fucking desperate that you’d fuck a ziploc bag filled with tomato paste and pretend you were popping a virgin or some shit, so this whole Alba ruining herself in having a kid that will make her vagina never be the same again is bullshit, because her mangled post-pregnancy vagina and wonky post-pregnancy body is still going to better than any pussy you’d ever bag and by pussy you’d ever bag I mean your pussy is a bag with a little tomato paste in it. You like how I brought that full-circle – don’t you.

Bonus – Some Jessica Alba is Pregnant So Her Tits Are All Hormonal and Bigger and All You Virgin Comic Book Virgins Find that Fascinating Because You Know Nothing About Girls or Tits and Getting a Girl Pregnant is Such a Fucking Stretch For You, That You Have to Wait Until Your One Girlfriend from High school comes crawling back to you after spending the last decade being a slut and mistreated by boyfriend dream comes true like your life was Forrest Gump only a lot more boring and retarded…only to realize that it’ll never happen, but the dream keeps you going…

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I saw some more pictures of Kelly Brook in some dated ill-fitting bikini that I was going to post asking why the fuck every site is posting pictures of this bitch when no one knows who the fuck she is, but then I came across her topless pictures and figured that it doesn’t matter who the fuck she is, what does matter is that she’s half naked and that’s all a girl needs to do to get on this site. So if it’s always been your dream to have me write about you, all you gotta do is get naked but after you do that, we’re going to have to have a talk and work on the reasons why you have such shitty dreams…

Bonus – Her Shitty Dated Ill-Fitting Bikini

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Britney Spears being Festive in Red this Christmas Eve in a see-through shirt, trying to distract you from her sister’s teenage pregnancy with her sloppy tits, because family stick together, especially this time of year, unless they are your family.

I know that it’s Christmas Eve and that probably means that you are on the computer today because your family disowned you when you turned 18 since you’re a disgrace. But it’s Christmas Eve and I am trying to redeem myself for being a bad person, I have no issue doing work for you today, while normal people are at home eating pie with their family or whatever the fuck you people do on Christmas Eve when you have family that didn’t disown you.

Since I am more of the kind of person who abuses charity and doesn’t give to charity, like cashing in on free meals at the homeless shelter and stocking up on canned goods from those food drives for poor families, or even taking toys from those organizations set up for underprivileged kids even though I don’t have kids, but like to make up for my toyless childhood, the only thing I know to do is post these pictures of Britney’s nipples pointing to the ground like they are sadder than you. I know that her see-through shirt is not what you asked Santa for this Christmas and all you really want is a call from your family asking you to come home, they’ll have to do, especially since they are the only nipples you’ll be getting today.

BONUS – BRITNEY NIPPLES MADE ANOTHER APPEARANCE

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I understand why virgin motherfuckers and dudes who like science fiction and collecting action figures think that Megan Fox is the hottest piece of ass out there, it’s because she’s in Transformers, and their Transformers were their only friends growing up.

Here are her nipples for the first time, because I know you feel like you have some kind of relationship with her, when in reality you’ve just been jerking off to High-Res Internet pics of her for the last year, but when you’re always alone, I guess it’s hard to tell the difference. Cuddles.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Lookin’ at Kate Moss topless on the beach is about as exciting as looking at pictures of my dirty flacid penis, not because my penis is exciting or some half naked, middle-aged, coked out supermodel, even though I pretend it is when I am taking showers, but because it’s as equally washed up and she is and about the same amount of people have seen it. Not to mention, it’s probably the same size as her retarded supermodel nipples, which isn’t saying much about my capabilities of making girls feel me in their throat when I am slamming them, but I have come to terms with having a smaller penis than a 3 year old. What it is saying about Kate Moss though, is that her nipples are like two 3 year old’s penises, which is something you probably like and the reason why I don’t like you.

Here she is topless in Mexico with some dude who’s gotta be gay, but I generally stereotype skinny, groomed men in speedos as fags, even if they’re not. Maybe dude’s just pretending to be gay to get closer to Kate Moss’ vagina, not that he’d want to, because based on her facial expressions when she’s checkin’ out her junk, it looks like Pete Doherty may have forgotten some of his junk in there and now it’s rotting. Maybe it’s just a rash, in which case I’d totally apply topical cream on her, with my mouth, but that’s just because I’m dirty and a gold digging whore, even if the gold I’m digging for turns out to be flakey flesh wounds.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This is what Pamela Anderson looks like when she goes out for some Planet Hollywood shit over the weekend in some semi-see through men’s shirt bullshit that makes me feel like I just had sex with her, which wouldn’t be that much of a stretch because by the looks of it, so has everyone in the room.

Speaking of stretches, there’s nothing like realizing that beauty is fleeting and your face gets haggard and no matter how much plastic surgery you get, or how much a doctor stretches your skin out, you’re still a mother of two and despite filling your fuckin’ tits up like every dude in the room is planning on filling you up, even with your hepatitis, it’s a good strategy to distract us from lookin’ at your face and realizing how busted your are.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I was at a bar drinking my life away, as I sometimes do and this busty middle-aged hooker Pam Anderson is her idol bitch sat down next to me. She was wearing a “Guess” t-shirt, so I said 36 D, and instead of slapping me, she liked the attention and said 36 DD. The sad party of this story is that this pick-up line is fucking genius, but the only bitches who rock “Guess” t-shirts are trashy older ladies that buy the shit at the discount center. There was a time when every chachi motherfucker girl and cheap french slut rocked this shit in this city. It’s not the cool choice anymore because all the bitches are into American Apparel or designer clothes, but if you’re from some trashy town, you may have the chance to drop this line and should, because a girl in guess is a girl who likes talking about her tits.

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson’s ridiculously huge tits and hard nipples in some parachuting outfit, lookin like every cheap stripper who still thinks Guess is cool.

I think drinking has ruined my ability to tell stories. I’ll work on that for later today, when I sober up, or get more drunk that shit makes more sense to me.