Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Hilary Duff’s Tour is done and I guess that means back to the stable for her. That also means we don’t have to see her in this stupid outfit anymore. I feel like I’ve posted this shit way too many times and I am done. Sure, I don’t mind lookin’ at her legs because I have nothing better to do and because my site is running like shit and the reality is I don’t even mind lookin’ at her face everyone makes fun of for looking like a horse or even listening to her music while curled up in the corner of my apartment’s “livingâ€? room that ironically smells like death, wondering where life went wrong for me and how I could have prevented this hell I’m living….so in a lot of ways Hilary Duff has saved my life and it’s only right to commemorate her hard work on this tour.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I decided to declare a snow day today because it is snowing outside and I’ve never had the excitement of school being cancelled because of the weather since I never really went to school. I am smart like that.

Unfortunately, I got bored because I don’t read and don’t watch TV and still haven’t started drinking again because of this flu and figured I’d post these pictures of Sophie Monk because she has hot legs and I have an internet crush on her.

Dreams of doing a match.com commercial together like all the other losers who meet each other on the internet are probably unlikely because Sophie Monk is just pictures to me, and being on TV with a picture I fell in love with on the internet would be pretty humiliating but I guess that is what happens when you are unsatisfied in your pathetic life, like me.

Either way, I feel the more visibility she gets, the more fans she’ll get even if only 5 of you actually read the site and that will give her the taste of success that will lead to wanting more. When she realizes that the only way to get more is to get more naked and that will give me something more interesting to look at than my own belly hanging over the computer, despite how exciting that may sound.

Realted Posts:

Sophie Monk Jogging A Bit For Me To Jerk Off To
Sophie Monk’s Got some Pretty Good Tits
Sophie Monk Shopping is Hotter than You Shopping
Sophie Monk Must Be Gay Cuz Her Fiance Is a Vagina
Sophie Monk’s Hot Legs

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

These are obviously some old pictures of Alena Seredova because she had a kid less than a month ago and no one, no matter how fast her C-Section Tummy Tuck combo heals bounces back this fast, especially when you’re eastern European and your medical facilities involve a Windmill, 3 drunken Military Men, a Nuclear Reactor, a black and white TV and a circus bear that balances on a basketball while eating sausage and drinking cheap rationed communist beer.

I don’t know what I am talking about, but I do know that I like looking up this bitch’s Eastern European, knocked up by an Italian Football player’s, log legged skirt, because I am international like that, but not as international as the pervert with the camera phone because I never leave my couch. Cuddles.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I’ve gone over how much Lohan loves American Apparel and so do I, because girls don’t realize that every time they rock a pair of these tights, I can usually see their mounds and that may sound perverted, which it probably is, but I am not the one walking around in tights showing off my mound.

Bonus – Lohan and Her Dad

Some More Lohan in Tights

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I don’t know who Paz Vega is, but that’s not too surprising, because I don’t even know who I am anymore. I am just talking shit, I’m the best website on the internet nobody reads, and this bitch is the best Spanish slut with long legs no one cares about.

She did some Elle Magazine photoshoot with Swarovski crystals glued to her, because this is some expensive and luxurious version of body painting, it doesn’t really get as exciting as a college spring break party body painting, but that’s mainly because no one’s gettin’ herpes, and herpes are really the future,

Herpes are the future because all these man-hating lesbian feminists who write Women with a “y”, are on some independent “womyn” kick that leads them to being sluts, but empowered sluts, who don’t want to be called sluts, even they have multiple sexual partners and are sluts. All because when men do it they are considered “studs” and it’s seen as a positive and that’s unfair to a feminist, so the more partners they rack up, the more they think that they are proving a point, because being a feminist is this stamp of approval that they can be loose in the hips. When the reality is that their genitals are the only casualty of this war, but I guess herpes is a small price to pay in doing their part to win this feminist fight on penis. Send nudes, it’ll make you feel better.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

So model Karolina Kurkova is rockin’ out in St Barths or some other Caribbean Island shooting some Victoria’s Secret catalog bullshit, reminding girls everywhere that their lives are shitty compared to hers, because she gets to sit around and look pretty while getting overpaid in exotic places, only to become one of the girls in the catalog dudes jerk off to.

Unfortunately, as a low budget, piece of shit website that I am, I couldn’t get the pictures of her actually lookin’ hot in underwear. Instead, I got these pictures of her in a dress with an open back, wearing a bra that she shouldn’t be wearing, lookin’ like a middle aged woman at a wedding ceremony after one too many drinks, or the fat girl on Prom night and I know that you’re into that.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Everyone disses Britney about the way she’s living, but I know that she’s doing exactly what I wanted her to be doing when I used to watch her cocktease the world when she was a teenager. I’m talking showing off her cunt, getting fucked up, acting insane and all that shit.

The reality is that the biggest disappointment in that era of poptarts is Mandy Moore. Watch this video and tell me what you’d want to see her doing in 10 years.

Now, realize that you’ve never seen her vagina and that’s a good thing, because lookin’ at these pictures you’ll see that she’s some average looking girl at best. She’s got some Carnie Wilson shit going on and even she realizes it and tries to covers her pudgy fuckin’ face from the cameras. She is like one of those hot highschool girls with a bright shiny life ahead of her, who looked like she was skinny and had it going on before fully groin into herself and by grow, I mean laterally. So Mandy Moore’s hips don’t lie, and they’re screaming that they can’t breathe under the 20 lbs that’s suffocating them, and the contour-panties that are trying to slim them, I guess that’s why she had to resort dating people like DJ AM, who by the way is gayer than bicycle shorts. Cuddles

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio leaving somewhere with her hot legs, because I like models, but models don’t seem to like me. Everytime I try to chat up the hot girls at the bar, I either sabotage getting them naked by insulting them in the first minute befeore winning them over, or because they don’t like the way I look and think I’m a creep, or at least tell me to get the fuck away and call me a creep.

What they don’t know is that my pet peeave is being called a creep , because I think I’m pretty wholesome, but then i realize i look like a pervert, I am ratty as fuck and I spend my days lookin’ and writing about tits or harassing chicks on facebook, i’ve got about 10 rubber vaginas sprawled out around my computer because some company sent them up for me to do a giveaway on the site but I couldn’t come to terms with seeing them go, because it’s the closest thing to vagina in this apartment, since my wife’s is burried and scary. So even though I don’t use them, adding them to my equation definitely could give people the wrong idea about me, or maybe I just gotta come to terms with the fact that I am a creep, then it won’t bother me so much…

Either way, here’s them legs to creep on.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

My day is pretty incomplete if I don’t get to post on Hayden Panettiere. I find myself lookin’ at anything boxy from TVs to Buses to Heavy Machinery to men walking out of the gym and the only thing I think about is Hayden. Here are pictures of her leaving the gym in a pair of shorts, showing off her hot model legs, and by model legs, I mean short and ripped and modeling for midget fetish sites, leading me to believe that the last place this bitch should be walking out of is a fuckin’ gym, because although strong legs are good for bouncing on fat lazy man dick, they aren’t too nice to look at and since you’ll never fuck her, lookin’ at her legs is as close as you’ll probably get.

This post is fuckin’ amateur, but I can’t always be on. I am not a dancing monkey who performs on command, but I’d totally fuck a dancing monkey, but only if I dressed it up in a blonde wig and call it Hayden.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I like Tara Reid because I feel like we have a lot in common. The only difference is that she’s got a budget to afford some dude to carry around her boots and purse after she gets a drunken pedicure, when I have to convince old ladies to let me carry their purses, so that I can run off with them and hope there’s enough cash to get me my next drink.

Reality is, nothing says I have a pussy or I have no self respect than getting paid to carry a girl’s fucking purse. I know you all probably kiss the ground that any girl who talks to you walks on, but that’s just because you’re a desperate loser and are scared of being alone. See, I’ve got no shame, but I still wouldn’t lower myself to doing that shit for anyone. I get mad enough at my wife when she asks me to take out the garbage or carry her grocery bags . I don’t feel like I have a vagina, even though every girl I ever got with felt like I had a vagina, so feel like I shouldn’t feel like a bitch.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Amanda Bynes doing some work for Burton Snowboards by showing up at their Flagship store that they just opened in LA, because as you know LA is known for being an amazing ski town, and by ski town I mean place where rich people can afford to buy the latest gear from a week long ski trip they are going on in Colorado or Europe or someshit.

The reason I got in at 9 am was because I ended up passing out in a girl’s bed last night. She woke me up at 7:30 because she had to go to work. I’ve been out of work so fuckin’ long that I didn’t realize how much it sucks and it was some disgusting reality check that made me realize that despite hating myself and thinking my life is worthless at least I don’t have to wake up and sell my soul for a paycheck, because that would seriously put a damper on my life.

I guess in a lot of ways, I’m living the fuckin’ dream and the people who I was harassing and making fun of on the street this morning while they were on their way to work this morning knew it. Their looks of disgust, like they knew I was a fuckin’ degenerate motherfucker and they were heros because they were on their way to contribute to society, so that they can pay their mortgages and car payments while I was going home to do nothing but I could tell that they were just jealous.

Have a good weekend workforce, because everyday’s a weekend for me, and they are never good.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It’s safe to say that drinking works against me sometimes, like today, where I get home at 9 in the morning wasted and end up passing out and sleeping all day after writing 2 useless posts that I am scared to read, but I never read shit I’ve already written, I don’t like living in the past.

I do like that I go out planning on having one or two drinks, but end getting fucking beat the fuck up and leaving the bar an hour after it closes because I some how manage to befriend the bartenders and get them to give me free shots all night and refuse to leave because I want to the party to continue. The whole time I’m out I’m trying to catalog shit for posts, but whenever I wake up the next day it’s all gone and the only memories I have are of me in a tuxedo, sipping cocktails in some exclusive penthouse apartment and talking politics with supermodels when it reality, I’m actually messy as fuck and embarrassing myself while offending everyone around me and trying to get fat chicks to compare their pussies in dive bars.

I know you don’t care about any of that, so here are some pictures of Vanessa Hugens showing off some leg, and since we’ve all seen her naked, seeing her in clothes may be a bit of a downer, since it’s unnatural for a girl who’s been naked for you to not get naked for you again, but seems to be the story of my life, because they seem to think getting naked for me was some lapse in judgment….which it probably was….but still doesn’t make things better.