Source: www.derekhail.com

Jennifer Lopez (formerly known as JLo) is still one badass chick. She hasn’t let little things like giving birth to twins or turning 40 stop her from being able to rock a bikini. Here she is laying out on a boat off the coast of Italy. JLo may be a diva, but you can’t say she doesn’t deliver the goods. Another MILF.

Source: www.derekhail.com

An oldie but goodie… this is Jennifer Lopez from back in the day, circa 2003, pre-twins. She still had quite an ass although I think the photographer could’ve gotten some better shots of it.

Now I remember why JLo was so hot.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Two words: holy crap.  I don’t know how much money she put into getting those breasts of hers to squeeze together like that, but it was well worth the money.  I haven’t seen her look this hot since…ever.  If it takes a movie like “The Curious Case of Benjamin Butler” for her to come out in public looking like that, then I have a couple of movies she might want to consider.  I hope she doesn’t mind it taking place in an abandoned warehouse on a squeaky mattress.

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Source: www.derekhail.com

You know, the only thing Jennifer Lopez had going for her at some cologne promotion at a Macy’s in New York was an upskirt, AND SHE TOTALLY BLEW IT.  You would think someone dressed up like a telenovela whore/actress would know better than crossing her legs, but I guess not.  I suppose she really wanted to promote the fragrance of the cologne more so than her gaping vajayjay.

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Source: www.derekhail.com

Jennifer Lopez at the Dolce and Gabbana show didn’t look half bad.  She looks good actually.  Sort of.  One should take this as a life lesson to never experiment with the “smokey” model makeup technique in public.  All you ever really get is a bunch of people asking if you could use a Red Bull.

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Source: www.derekhail.com

Just when you thought Jennifer Lopez couldn’t be anymore of an insufferable bitch, she suprises you with this gem.

The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.
We’re told: “Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.
“She also offered some of Max and Emme’s clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them ‘repeat’ outfits.
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“But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over Û1,000 (£500) each.”

When I have kids they are going to be dressed in burlap sacks.  Kids screw up all thier clothes.  They’re kids.  They’re alwaysrunning around in mud and eating spaghetti with their hands.  I’ll be damned if my kid isn’t wearing the same Ninja Turtles T-Shirt everyday.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: yeeeah.com

JLo and husband Marc Anthony have secured the rights to their own reality show on The Learning Channel. Ten bucks says she’ll still find a way to work in a wind machine and video retouching. According to the NY Daily News

The show will “deliver a slice of [Lopez’s] life that audiences have never seen before, as she takes on her career and launches a new fragrance while trying to juggle her new responsibilities as a first-time mom,” [the] TLC President said.

Lopez will finance and produce the show, which is under development and has no launch date yet.

“Reality” show my ass. Reality is not you in four hours in hair and makeup and perma-cooing, immaculately attired babies nestled in the crooks of your arms. Reality is you 36 hours unshowered with baby barf in your hair, staggering around the nursery at three in the morning to find the GD binky that fell out of its mouth without turning on the lights and really waking it up and then almost breaking your ankle on one of those stupid Leap Frog toys that springs to life with an animated version of “Old McDonald” at what appears to be 120 decibels. I’m betting JLo’s new show will showcase as much reality as an episode of “The Hills.”

At Shine A Light at the Ziegfeld Theater last month

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: www.derekhail.com

US Magazine is apparently all giddy about Jennifer Lopez showing off her huge ham hocks after the birth of her twins.   Not only did she show of her “hot post baby bod”, she also showed off her husband who looks like he’s already aged 20 years.  What a beautiful couple.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

The good folks at RADAR online have come across the must-have item for your gossip junkie/pervert loser: celebrity-themed blow up sex dolls! For only $29.95, you, too, can have a go at Dirty Christina, JHo, Crazy Daisy (Jessica Simpson in “Dukes of Hazzard”), Lindsay Fully Loaded, Eva Longwhoria, or the Paris Love Doll. Where do I sign up? Interestingly, the manufacturer was only disappointed with one doll in the collection. He tells RADAR

The one I’m not happy with is Paris, which didn’t come out well.

Probably because it has twice the IQ of the real Paris and is missing the herpes simplex virus. How is a guy supposed to believe he’s porking Paris Hilton if he doesn’t finish with a bout with genital blisters and an overwhelming sense of self-loathing? It’s probably too late to market the sense of shame separately. It’s not like shame’s a big a seller¹ to begin with. Unless you’re the Roman Catholic church, of course, in which case shame funds nearly 80% of your adjusted gross income annually.

¹_{I know my “Pictures of Your Mom Naked” in a Can^TM wasn’t nearly the blockbuster I’d hoped it be.}

LSFW plastic celebrity harem: