Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Jeff Goldblum is alive and well – and so is his quirky fashion sense!

Goldblum is among the celebrities who have been included in recent fake internet death reports. The rumors keep popping up after a slew of celebrity deaths in the past few weeks.

But lo and behold, Jeff is cold kicking it live, baby. Mismatched clothes and all!

I’ll forgive him though, because there’s kinda something hot about him. I have always thought so, even though he is a little geeky and did play a puking, disgusting, hairy-ass fly. Must be the glasses. I’m a sucker for those. And hey, the guy wears Chuck Taylor’s…and that’s hot.

[Photos: ©BAUER-GRIFFIN.COM]

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I didn’t go out last night because i got bubonic plague early monday morning and missed work. Since I slept all day, I was up all night amusing myself. After the batteries died in my vibrator, I decided to try this fake-tan shit. Living in NYC has made me pale as an albino’s balls. Tanning salons are cancer boxes. I used to get brown from running, but I can’t run anymore since i fucked up my knees from giving too much head on hard surfaces as a hooker. And sunbathing is so fucking boring, unless you are at the beach. And I was too hungover to handle more than 20 minutes at the beach in San Diego.

So I stripped and slathered my body with this tanning cream. I made sure to properly smear it into each crevice, to really rub my ass, to massage the lotions deep into my tits. As I was standing in front of the mirror, nude, waiting for the magical golden change, it sounded like the water was running in my studio. Now my apartment is a converted storefront, with basically a garage door for one wall, the kind the shopkeeeper would open and BANG, his store was basically open to the street (luckily there is also a side door so I don’t have to do that). I check for the source of the trickling water, and its not from my shower, which is next to my toilet. It’s not from the toilet, which is next to my sink. And its not from my sink, which is across from my bed…

I notice a puddle of dark liquid leaking from under my garage door wall, exactly in the place where i need to replace the duct tape for when it rains. I smell pee, and I am PISSED. I fling open my side door and start screaming at this homeless junkie taking a leak on my sorta-wall. He stands there stunned. I realize I am still completely naked and lubed up, and we are both caught in this awkward moment. He runs, I go back inside to clean the urine off my floor. My studio still smells like pee and I am not a naked golden goddess… YET.

Here are some vintage pics of Lisa Marie naked with Jeff Goldblum on some beach from a few years ago (it maybe old, but it’s boobs and bush). She has the potential to be a golden goddess, she just needs to even out those white hooters and crotch. She is a patchwork goddess. As for Goldblum, I love him, but thank god for lots of sand. Lisa Marie is best remembered as the hot gum chewing ‘Martian Girl’ in “Mars Attacks!” and hasn’t worked since 2001. Have fun wacking off to Lisa’s still pretty good-look’n bod.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE

Source: agentbedhead.com

Only in Hollywood are May/December romances so widely acceptable, but I must admit shock at reports that Nicole Richie is dating Jeff Goldblum.

Apparently, Goldblum is a smooth operator, according to one journalist who interviewed him, “I fully expected that my underwear would melt.” While I’ve never considered Goldblum as a sexual being, one must admit he looks pretty damn hott in the above photo, and the following words do impress:

“After only a few moments of talking to Jeff Goldblum a number of thoughts assault you. One is the sheer size of him – 6ft 5in of solid cappucino-coloured muscles with vast feet that look like he’s wearing mahogany sea barges on them. Then there’s his astonishing resemblance to the Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood, all vulpine smiles and glittering eyes.”

After reading that, I certainly wouldn’t mind him chasing me through the forest with a picnic basket. However, it would seem that Jeff Goldblum is known as “the biggest heartbreaker in Hollywood,” which means that Nicole Richie just might be consulting a therapist after he gets through with her.

On final consideration, the sex scenes during The Fly really creeped me out and are presently haunting my psyche, and when it comes to Nicole Richie… I really don’t need to envision bone smacking bone in the throes of passion, no?