Source: yeeeah.com

Real girls eat meat. And — from the looks of Jessica Simpson here — also donuts and Hershey bars and double-potato fritattas. Saddle on up, fatty!

With Tony in LA:

Source: yeeeah.com

To be sure, a muumuu-style sundress isn’t the best choice for making yourself look slim. But Kirstie Alley’s ankles don’t lie, my friends. Neither do those drive-on scales they use at trucker weigh stations or the load-bearing restrictions printed on the underside of a folding chair.

Source: yeeeah.com

Meet Britney! She’s one of the few who survived 2007, during which 78 manatees were killed by watercraft and hundreds more by water pollution and direct destruction of their natural habitats. But with the advent of Adopt-A-Manatee, you can do your part to help save Florida’s gentle giants. For only $25 you get:

• A photo of your manatee
• The manatee’s biography
• An adoption certificate
• A signed copy of “Toxic”
• Four newsletters throughout the year with updated reports on your adoptee

Britney needs our help. Let’s all do our part to save the docile sea cows of the Southeastern United States!

Source: yeeeah.com

Could Britney Spears really be knocked up again? Pictures of Mental Case McGee waddling around L.A. in a velour tracksuit have sprouted yet another crop of pregnancy rumors. The Daily Mail says

She was snapped cradling her swollen-looking stomach on a shopping trip [in L.A. over the weekend]. Dressed casually in tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt, the mother-of-two was seen placing a protective hand over her bulging tummy.

Wow. Just… wow. I think the only way these picture of her could get any sexier is if they were also scratch-and-sniff stickers.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

The Daily Mail has pictures of Lisa Marie Presley and husband Michael Lockwood leaving L.A. restaurant Madeo last night. Although that hideous circus tent of a dress is just begging for a wimple or thirteenth-century barbette and crespin, we can’t forget about Kid Rock’s gay cousin up there. When asked for comment, Michael reportedly said “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple” and then broke into an acoustic version of “Don’t Come Around Here No More.”

Large version (pun INTENDED) of the header photos after the jump

Source: www.yeeeah.com

It’s nice to see that Jamie Lynn Spears has finally chinned up. All three of them. When asked for comment, she said, “Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage!” Perhaps multiple chins are the true source of Jedi mind trick immunity.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Singer and daughter of Elvis Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant! Yeah, I don’t care either. According to People Magazine

Lisa Marie Presley is pregnant with her third child and due in the fall. This is the first child for Presley, 40, and her husband, guitarist and music producer Michael Lockwood, 46, who were married in January 2006.

I’d offer my congratulations, but I doubt she’d hear it over all the chewing and labored breathing and grunts of “Where’s my Hossenfeffer, rabbit?”

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Kevin Federline spent a little time on the greens in Los Angeles over the weekend. From the looks of it, he also spent a lot of time sweating and clutching his heart in between bites of a double-bacon cheeseburger.

Source: yeeeah.com

Usually with this kind of embarrassing picture, I’d black bar the face and do a “Name That Celebrity” kind of post so you could guess whose back fat this was. However, the gigantic ass looming there beneath the bra sausage instantly gives it away, so there’s no sense in doing that. Really, the only was it could be any more obvious that it’s Kim Kardashian is if the picture were flanked by a couple of big black penises and they were all taking turns urinating on it. Because she’s a slut who likes getting peed on by black guys, you see.

Sausage Links shopping on Robertson Boulevard on Tuesday:

Source: yeeeah.com

After working for Jenny Craig for the last three years, actress Kirstie Alley is “stepping down” as the spokesperson for the weight loss company. Translation: her fat ass got fired. According to People magazine

“Although Kirstie will not appear in future advertising endeavors for us, she does remain on Jenny Craig’s maintenance program and is confident that our program has helped her,” [says the] vice-president of marketing for Jenny Craig. “She’s proud to have been able to participate in the creation of Jenny’s award-winning advertising campaign, and says she’s thankful for the opportunity to help so many other people lose weight and keep it off.”

She’s also grateful for KFC’s big box variety meal and Sam’s Club bucket o’ bread pudding. And those Fresh Bath-Bathing Wipes for those days you’re too fat to bend over in the shower.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I am pretty sure that these pictures aren’t new, but since staying on top of plus-sized models has never been my thing, since getting on top of plus sized wives is my thing and not really by choice. It’s pretty much the same thing as being fed the same shitty meal every fucking day for the last 5 years then finally convincing your wife to take you out to a buffet and seeing that one of the options is the same shitty meal you’ve been eating the last 5 years on the restaurant version and deciding to stay as far the fuck away from that as possible because you’ve exhausted that shit. I don’t know if that makes sense, but to make it make sense, I’ll put it like this….I don’t like seeing fat chicks naked or clothed because I live with one and don’t even wnt to see her naked and clothed. If there’s something wrong with that, you can blame my wife for being so disgusting and ruining fat chicks for me forever, because I obviously haven’t always hated fat chicks if I made the fucking beautiful life commitment that is marriage to a fat chick…..

Either way, this is Mia Tyler, she is Steven Tyler’s daughter who looks like she’s been stealing his food for the last 25 years explaining why he’s so skinny and she’s so fat…and now you can die knowing what her big tits look like and you can thank cake and emotional eating from growing up without a daddy who sent check from his concerts on the road but never sent hugs when that’s all she really wanted, for making all this possible.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I guess Liv Tyler’s been slacking on her Mommy and Baby Aerobics classes to whip her back into shape after having a baby, because here are some pictures of her dreaming about her next piece of cake while sitting on the beach in a bikini. She’s obviously the kind of girl who took a liking to being pregnant and being able to eat whatever she wanted without having to feel guilty or judgement from others during the pregnancy and has an arrogance that makes her feel secure that her baby daddy will love her any shape she comes in because he consistently banged her during the pregnancy and gave her a false sense of positive body image when he told her how beautiful she was to avoid her hormonal rages.

Now her delusions have lead her to frolicking around the beach like her next role is in Free Willy the human version. I know calling a fat recent mother a whale is probably played the fuck out, but I figure that there aren’t too many plus sized mammals who like water, unless you count my wife spraying herself with a garden hose on hot days because we can’t afford air conditioning, but you don’t know what that looks like, so I’ll stick with the whale imagery because whale’s are better looking.

Either way, these pictures make me reconsider Liv’s decision to keep her baby, it’s one of those “If I could turn back time” moments”, not that I ever really liked her or care if she’s fat or not because I don’t have to share a bed with her, but her baby daddy probably does because he signed up for something a hell of a lot better than this and if she doesn’t shape up soon, he’ll probably be exploring some girls in smaller sized bikinis and by exploring I mean having banging….