Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: www.derekhail.com

Elisha Cuthbert is really making the most out of her vacation. She’s looked great, then looked crappy, and now she’s back to looking great. She needs to make up her mind because this back and forth is bad for my penis. He can’t tell if he really wants to have sex with her or he really wants to have sex with her.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Elisha Cuthbert is back on the beach showing off her flat stomach.  It’s too bad she has a thing for hockey players.

After previous flings with NHL players SEAN AVERY and MIKE KOMISAREK, snappers have caught the 24 star on hols with a THIRD hockey beau star.

The latest lucky chap is DION PHANEUF from the Calgary Flames.

Pretty soon Elisha will have dated several dudes on the same team because they seem to trade hockey players every ten minutes.  That’s it for my knowledge about hockey.  Won’t that be awkward.  They should set that up as a reality show.  I would rather watch 4 hours of “We All Boinked Elisha” than 5 minutes of “Rock of Love”.

Source: www.derekhail.com

US Magazine is reporting that Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were seen making out at an LA Club.

Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.

“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25 (who costarred in 2005’s House of Wax), didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”

This sounds like possibly the fakest story of all time. We all know that Paris is a complete whore, but Elisha seems really stuck up and I doubt she would explore her lesbian tendencies in the middle of an event in LA. In other news, the mere mention of Elisha Cuthbert and lesbian tendencies has caused me to explode in my pants.

Source: yeeeah.com

Britney Spears has been getting an awful lot of attention lately, so Paris Hilton decided to swing the limelight her way with a fake lesbian make-out session with “House of Wax” co-star Elisha Cuthbert. Page Six says

Revelers at Tenjune in the Meatpacking District Tuesday night spotted Paris making out with “24″ star Elisha Cuthbert. “They were drinking and dancing, and all of suddenly they just started kissing,” said the onlooker who told us the liplock lasted “about a minute.” Cuthbert’s rep denies the story, although several witnesses confirmed they saw the face-suck.

That’s one of those things that sounds sexy until you get up close. Sorry, but those two are just gross. Paris Hilton looks like a combination of the Goon from Popeye and claymation Gumby and Elisha Cuthbert might as well be my seventh grade gym teacher with that haircut. It’s just like that time I rented this flick called “From Pole to Pole” and ended up with a documentary about the Earth’s inconstant magnetic field instead of the penis-fest I was expecting. Needless to say, I won’t be hitting up PBS for porn anymore. That goes double for the Discovery Channel and TLC. “Wild Down Under” my ass.

Paris arriving at the TRL Tuesday and Elisha shopping at Bristol Farms over the weekend:

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Elisha Cuthbert on the beach dressed like she’s in an Arab country so that no one can see her skin. At first I thought it had to do with her trying to avoid the sun or the cameras because she’s so sought after, but then I realized that no one gives a fuck about her, especially after she put on a ton of weight and looks like a haggard coke slut. So she just knows that she has no business rockin’ a bikini, because she’s pretty much let herself go, and that’s a nice gesture of her during this holiday season.

Fine – I Take That Whole Post Back – Here Are Some Tagged Bikini Pics from JustJared.com and She’s Looking Pretty Fucking Good….Vagina Definition and All….

BONUS – Vagina Definition

Source: agentbedhead.com

The security guards are on high alert in Times Square this New Year’s Eve, and for good reason. The revolting Carson Daily shall host NBC’s New Year’s Eve with musical performances by Lenny Kravitz, Carrie Underwood, Kid Rock, and Velvet Revolver. Hourly countdowns will be provided by Carson Daly, Ryan Seacrest, and, most importantly, Anderson Cooper:

Anderson Cooper will appear on the Countdown Stage to say “Happy New Year”, and lead the Times Square revelers in counting down to the end of each hour [sic] as a fifteen second video countdown is displayed on the giant Panasonic screens accompanied by special sound effects.

So, along with Coop’s ambiguous sexuality, Tila Tequila and her fake bisexualism will be on hand too. Sounds like a plan:

Previously: A Totally Hetero New Year’s Eve With Jared Leto

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I met a homeless looking guy who claimed he dated Elisha Cuthbert when she was in high school, because she’s from Montreal. He was telling me everything about her, from what her tits looked like, to what her pussy smelled and tasted like. He claimed that he knocked her up and she got an abortion and that letting her do that was the biggest mistake he ever made, because now his living on the street and he’ should be in a k-fed position. When I told him that if she had kept the baby, she would have never got work in LA, she’d be too busy trying to make ends meet..and by making ends meet, I mean suckin’ dick in back alleys and working the pole like all good teenage mothers.

The good thing about being impotent is that the less complicated things in life are amazing to me. Because the second you stick your dick in a girl it’s like you’ve locked yourself into some kind of problem that will present itself down the line, in my case it was just dealing with the rejection of them not wanting to fuck me again, and obviously the trying to cum during sex while they were crying, which is always hard to do because I am a nice guy.

Either way, I know that if I could get it up, I’d probably be fucking hookers every chance I got, and if I wasn’t fucking hookers, I’d be trying to fuck every little slut I come across, and that would make me a pretty bad husband, and since keeping up this husband of the year shit that’s so fuckin’ important to the core of who I am, I only make out with girls and suck their tits and try to finger bang them or go down on them and as far as I’m concerned that’s not cheating…..So what it comes down to is that my sex life is one of a 15 year old kid but with a lot more risk of catching STDs on my face, or getting girls pregnant with my tongue.

Either way, at least homeless dude can sleep well at night in his box while coming off whatever drugs he was on, knowing that he got her in her prime and that aging is playing a pretty mean joke on her and it’s always nice to see your hot teenage girlfriend turn into a washed up 35 year old fat chick with 4 babies and a lot of misery because her husband cheats on her and she’s poorer than you are, hypothetically of course….

Source: agentbedhead.com

It’s not easy to make audiences forget a resounding box-office triumph like Captivity, but Elisha Cuthbert may have found a way. Rumors are circulating that a sex tape featuring Kim Bauer and an unidentified second party is being shopped around to the highest bidder. To repeat: this is only a rumor. And, of course, even if the tape exists there’s no guarantee that it will ever see the light of day. There are numerous legal options here still to be explored. However, if I were Elisha’s publicist I’d urge her not to stand in the way of this hypothetical tape’s release. Sure, the lurid images might follow her through the rest of her career the way Paris will forever be associated with that awful fellatio tape. On the other hand, it might be enough to make people forget about her flirtation with torture porn, which would actually enhance her respectability. These things always have an upside.

(Via Ace O’ Spades.)

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: CelebUtopia.net

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Elisha Cuthbert revealed recently that she was almost killed during a recent visit to New York City, when she walked into oncoming traffic on a busy road without looking. Cuthbert was hit by a car and thrown across the street.

She thought she was going to die.

She said,

“I almost got killed. We’re walking along the street and I’m an idiot because the light turns green and a van screeches (to a halt). I walked past the van and realized, ‘Oh my God, I’m in the middle of an intersection and they’ve got a green light and I decided to cross.’ As soon as I pass the van, a Mercedes Benz is about to clip me in the knees, and I’m like, ‘I’m about to die.’

“So all of a sudden you freeze and think to yourself, `Can I outrun it? No. Am I going to break my legs? Probably.’ And what do I do? This is so cool of me because you realize the kind of person you are. I leaped up onto the car and I bounced and I flew all the way across the intersection. And I land right on my butt in the middle of the intersection. ‘Am I dead? No I’m not dead. Do I have any bones broken? No. Purse still intact.’”

Source