Source: yeeeah.com

All aboard today’s summer supererogative, the S.S. Ashlee Simpson Pregnancy Boobies. I didn’t really think there was any way to make Asshat tolerable, but bigger boobs are certainly an improvement. Also an improvement? Cement shoes and a swift current. But there’s no sense in getting greedy, now is there? I guess I’ll take what I can get.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I hate Victoria Silvstedt and it’s not because she’s Swedish. That’s probably the one thing I actually like about her and it’s not because Swedes are known to being blond and big breasted, but it is because they invented Ikea and as a poor man, I can appreciate a quality piece of furniture at a low price, even though I got all my shit on the side of the street on moving day and it all still smells like piss a decade later, but I blame my wife’s over-productive sweat glands for that and none of that means I don’t have taste except for maybe in women….

Either way, I hate this bitch because she is the only celebrity that as tried to sue me since I started this shit and she’s not even a real fucking celebrity. Most of the other sites I talk to have given up on posting her shit because she’s a fucking vulture and doesn’t like that we laugh at her for only being famous for her tits and she’s not even that famous with those doing the working for her….

If you’re wondering why I got sued, it’s because she was getting eaten out by a married greek midget shipping tycoon who may or may not be related to Stavros, and she didn’t like us laughing at them. So here’s to the memory of me thinking someone important cared enough about me to bring me down before realizing that if she sued me not a single media outlet would pick up the story, not even her local town paper because they are ashamed of her too and I wouldn’t have made it to Perez level who is rumored to have made 500,000 dollars last month alone and that’s probably enought o get me through at least 5 years living large by my standards. Make it happen people…..

So… These are her tits at a Baby Phat event during New York fashion week.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I remember a time when Heather Graham was showing off her huge bush in movies, now all she’s doing is showing off her huge tits in a stupid see-through shirt with a bra on in an outfit that reminds me of the flea market in 1992.

If you don’t understand that reference, you obviously didn’t work at the same flea market as me, where I was forced to help some asshole set-up his booth selling army surplus shit and I’d get paid 50 dollars a day. His booth was positioned between a crazy hippie bitch who sold those weird asian pictures of waterfalls that light up and the closest thing to the local sex shop at a time before sex shops.

This booth was designed for biker wives and truck driving wives and pretty much any bitch who looked like Christina Aguilera with her fake tits, fake hair and pounds of make-up. Most of them were either strippers who shouldn’t be strippers if they were in the city but since it was all they knew they were allowed to work and the ones who weren’t strippers just looked like they were.

Either way, they’d load up on the dumbest shit that I never found hot because of the girls who were wearing it. I’m talking spandex pants that looked like jeans and jeans that were so tight they’d have zippers down the seam around the ankle so the bitch could fit her feet through. They had cut off shorts and panty hose and the original g-string, they had american flag bikinis and bodysuit tops that snapped in the crotch so that they looked tight as fuck on their flappy chain smoking bodies. They had sheer, they had mesh, they had leather and they always had a fucking line-up like it was a motorcycle convention and they were in line to meet Ozzy Osborne or AC/DC whoever the fuck these trashy bitches get soft-ons for.

I guess it doesn’t really matter, what does is that Heather Graham is leaving some G-Star fashion show because G-Star is a second rate brand and Heather Graham is a second rate celebrity in some 1992 second rate stripper outfit and I still think it’s worth posting, but that’s just because she’s standing all crooked and that makes me think she’s drunk enough to stuff into my drunk and drive her home to meet my rubber vagina collection..not that I have a car, but you get what I am saying…..a little too well….and that’s why I am scared of you.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I can’t quite figure out what the fuck is going on with Christina Aguilera’s face but I feel like she’s stuck in a black and white movie from the 1950s. She looks like some kind of cheap trashy bitch who should be shaking her ass at a gogo dancing at a school dancing while chain smoking, or maybe wearing leather pants and driving around on motorcycle like some kind of rebel’s girlfriend or even serving me some apple pie at the roadside dinner when I am driving cross country in pink Cadilac convertible. She’s like a small town beautician who considers herself an artist with an easel filled with lipstick colors and a canvas that is her face….who goes door to door selling Avon..

I guess none of that matters and what does matter is that her hair and face is over the fucking top and her post pregnancy tits are busting out of her top because I guess titties get bigger when they are full of milk. The reality is that the only good thing about pregnancy is the breast milk, fuck the kid, it’s just a headache, the breast milk is like you never have to go to the store again because your chick is your very own dairy cow and her udders are twice the size they were when you met her like you won some kind of lottery because when you make your own food in your body it saves a lot of money. I used to dream about how amazing it would be to shit out a turkey dinner or even a burger or an extra large pizza like I was my very own self-sufficient canteen van outside the factory. Unfortunately every time I tried to do it, it just made a stinky shitty mess all over a paper plate.

BONUS – Christina Must have had the day off the kid because she also took her tits to vote…like a good citizen….

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Her name is Kate Walsh and she was at some Victoria’s Secret event this past weekend wearing what’s gotta be some pretty heavy duty expensive Victoria’s Secret bra made out of some pretty contricting harnesses because her cleavage is retarded big. I didn’t know who she was, but it turns out she’s some 40 year old on Grey’s Anatomy who wears pretty

I was at the grocery store the other day because I decided to venture out of the hell I’ve been living in for the last 3 weeks to get some food. I saw a real life mom in mom jeans and they made her ass look long and flat, but squeezed her post pregnancy up to her chest making me want to ask her if she liked celebrity gossip because that’s my only game right now, but I didn’t because her daughter started pointing and laughing at me and I felt embarrassed. I guess she’s never seen overweight mexican dudes who don’t shave or shower very often.

Either way,I was in line behind a black dude buying sausages we started talking about illegitimate children and getting high. Then some dude with a kid who was in front of us in line, came running to our line and goes up to the black dude demanding he gives him his wallet back. The black dude didn’t know what the fuck the white dad was talking about and ended up telling the dude to look over where he was bagging groceries and sure enough it was there. That’s when I stepped in and called the dude a racist to the black guy and we had a good laugh. So for those of you who think I am a racist, I think it’s pretty obvious that my sausage brother….not the kind of sausage brother you’re into, was down with me. Giving me the stamp of black approval so fuck off with your accusations and look at Kate Walsh’s tits, because it’s big.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This video was just emailed to me and I figured it was worth posting because it’s of Heidi Montag and her big fake tits at some Maxim Superbowl party showing off her big fake tits in the cold. I feel like all girls with fake tits are cut from the same psychologically retarded cloth and that cloth is always a very low cut cleavage revealing one because they love showing off their fake tits like they were born with them. I am the kind of guy who feels like if you pay for something that anyone who is insecure about their tits and has an extra 5,000 dollars and has little fear of surgery or knives can can get, it takes away from the allure of showing the fuckers off like your momma gave them to you naturally. The reason is that $5000 may be more money than I have, but it’s not like buying a house or a new car, that I also hate seeing people show off, but it’s an easily attainable dream that doesn’t impress.

So fake tits impress me as much as the time my wife came home from the Salvation Army with a designer T-Shirt she found for $3. She felt like she won the fucking lottery and wore that shit every fucking day until it didn’t fit anymore because she’s been on the constant weight gain diet that forces her to get new clothes every month, but that will end when they stop making shit in her size….or when she dies of a coronary…whichever comes first but I can guarantee both are coming fast….

Either way, I guess the good news is that bitches with fake tits don’t realize how tacky they are for showing off their fake tits like they are something special but I am a fan of looking at tits and looking at girls who like showing off their tits when I have nothing better to do, which is pretty much all the fucking time, I’m busy like that.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This is Miranda Kerr, the Australian Victoria’s Secret model at some after party during New York fashion week with her fag and I am posting them because I don’t see what all the hype is with her. She’s been around for the last 10 years but I’ve never heard of her, I can only assume that you haven’t either. Maybe it is because I am not really that big in the fashion industry and not very good at keeping on top of fashion news despite how stylish these stained jogging pants and shirtless fat man covered in cigar ash really is, but despite all that sexy talk, I don’t think she’s all that hot with her weird lookin’ face but I’d still jerk off to her, if my dick wasn’t as link as the one legged dude begging for change down the street.

I have no stories because I am going on 3 weeks of not leaving my house and I am slowly going more and more insane by the day and it’s been pretty fun….

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some Susan Sarandon showing off her massive old lady tits that have been around so long they have their own stories from the second World War . Reality is that I do not have an old lady fetish and thinking about their dried up, lacking elasticity, post birthing, used up cunts doesn’t get me off, but the simple fact is that pussy is pussy even if a woman is old enough to be your grandma and smells like polident and moth balls.

So if I am volunteering at the old folks home changing bed pans and scrubbing shit out of old lady asses and “accidentally” rub the right spot, and a bitch is like “stick it in my cooch” or their old lady equivalent term for cooch like “Tan Slacks” or “Model T” or “Black and White TV” or “Flesh Beneath My Girdle” who am I to say no. I guess if I get to cum and she can’t get pregnant, then it’s not really volunteer work at all and we’re all fucking winners in the end, and ever since I was a kid, I always liked winning. Unfortunately, life never worked out that way for me.

I don’t know what I am talking about but here are some Sarandon tit pictures….

Realted Posts:

Reba McEntire’s Got Some Big Old Tits
Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Shelley Long in her Underwear Pictures

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of a drunken Lauren Conrad nice and messy on her birthday with her tits hanging out of her dress and her sober looking friend trying to save her from flashing her tits like a good drinking sidekick who loves ruining everyone else’s fun in trying to take part in the celebration with her on her birthday, even when it is via the computer like we were friends with her. I always hated those kinds of prudes who stop their friends from showing me their vaginas on camera for the website every fucking weekend.

Either way, this group of girls from The Hills are like the low budget version of the Lohans and since they stem from shitty reality TV shows and not from shitty movies, I can assume they won’t be around all that long, but little girls still look up to them because they think just being on TV makes you someone worth paying attention to and I guess I do too, because I am posting these pictures like they matter but I just encourage hard drinkin’ in party dresses. I am a pervert like that.

Realted Posts:

Lauren Conrad’s Bent Over Ass
Lauren Conrad’s Bikini Pictures
Audrina From The Hills Showing Her Bikini Line
Some Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It could be the fever talking, but seeing a girl who’s last name is bell dressed like a bell made me laugh. That’s like seeing a black man who’s last name is Blackman or a chef who’s last name is Cooke, or a gay guy who’s last name is He-Takes-It-Up-The-Ass-From-Men. I guess none of that really matters. Her name is Lake Bell, she’s rockin some cleavage and I’ve never heard of her and based on my extensive research into her genetic line, she’s not related to Kristen or Catherine Bell. She is however way more committed to the name than her same-last-name counterparts who are clearly slacking by not living the Bell lifestyle by dressing like a bell because they’ve already made it in the world and people know who they are.

I don’t know if this post makes sense, or if it is a huge stretch, but I am still sick and on my way back into the hole I crawled out of, and I am not talking about my wife’s vagina, I am talking about my bed, that smells like my wife’s vagina.

Since you don’t know who Lake Bell is, here are some other Bells.

These are pictures of Kristen Bell on Hollywood Blvd 2 days ago with her boyfriend lookin like some kind of monkey.

These are pictures of Catherine Bell playing Wii like she’s not in her 40s.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I was never for activists because they are usually greasy fucking hippie posers who think they have the power to change the fucking world and obsess over bullshit that’s not important but they think are important amongst their other greasy fucking hippie poser losers they met in their Poli Sci Class when in reality they are usually just uneducated fucks who don’t know the whole story and it’s all pretty embarrassing for them, but not as embarrassing as their stench.

I am however all for activists with retarded fake tits who protest irrelevant shit as a publicity stunt in front of MTV in see through dresses like being against testing on models because they are tired of beautiful people looking stupid on TV and I assume it’s because they consider themselves beautiful people who are misrepresented by the media and that’s why they got such huge implants to enhance that beauty not to distract us from other shortcomings like the fact that they are smart.

The reality is that this is probably a real issue because being a hot chick doesn’t always mean you’re dumb as shit, it usually just means you are lazy because you can use your looks to get ahead, and the dumb chicks are usually the sluts who aren’t actually hot, but think they are hot, and bleach their hair, fake tan their skin and implant their tits and act like assholes because they are assholes craving attention, ruining it for the rest of hot chicks.

So what it comes down to is that failing math so many times that you have to suck off the teacher to graduate is a serious issue because let’s face it, when you got looks you really don’t need brains to suck dick to get to the top and to solve this, we should be picking these potential hot chicks out of grade school and sending them to a special place where there are no text books, just hair stylists and there are no tests, just photographers and there are no homecoming games, just mock-bikini shoots, and there is no school dances, just coke fueled club nights with the hottest DJs in the world.

Lets face it, why make a hot bitch jump through the hoops normal people have to jump through just to get by when they are already so advanced and that’s why MTV and the rest of the world needs to stop testing models because ya’ll are just jealous.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Her name is Jenny Frost and I have no idea why the paparazzi are taking pictures of her, but I can only assume it’s because of the kind of outfits she wears out to these high profile events like Kate Moss’ birthday a couple of days ago.

It turns out that this bitch is only 29, but looks like she’s a 40 year old ex porn star working the local strip club scene because she spent all her porn money on cocaine in the glory days. Luckily, she dresses a little classier than a 40 year old porn slut, that is if you think the girl in the corner of the bar showing everyone how she can stir martinis with her pussy ring is classy. You know, the kind of girl you can take back to your mom’s house with a group of friends and gang-jerk off on her face like in the movies you get off to.

I guess the real issue here is why you’d want to watch your friends jerk off on a girl, it seems kinda gay, but I guess it’s all fantasy, since you don’t have any friends to jerk off with and because even the lonliest fat suicidal chick who’s had a couple gallons to much to drink would still turn down getting eaten out by you, even if you threw in an extra large pizza and that, my friend, is pretty fucking depressing.

Here is Jenny Frost showing off her titties and stomach in a pretty stupid pair of hooker pants last week to get you through your shortcomings.