O.J. Simpson Sentenced to (at Least) 15 Years in Prison

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

This creepy murdering bastard is finally going to serve some time in jail – even though it won’t be in the name of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson.

O.J. Simpson was sentenced to at least 15-years in prison today for the armed robbery and kidnapping attempt last year in a Las Vegas hotel room.

He is eligible for parole after 6 years.

Before sentencing Simpson did his best to appear vulnerable and fragile, expressing his remorse and supposedly fighting back tears. He told the court, “I stand here today sorry, somewhat confused. I feel apologetic to people of state of Nevada.”

Of course he does. They have his balls in their hands. As for Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman’s families, no such remorse or apology..

Judge Jackie Glass is my new hero. She’s no paid-off pansy ass judge like Mr. Ito was.

Glass said she was shocked that the former Heisman trophy winner decided to address the court. She added that his incriminating words on tape were more powerful than those he used in the courtroom. She handed him his ass on a platter. She said,

“Everything in this case was on tape. And its your own words, Mr. Simpson, your own words, that that brought you here to this seat in my courtroom. The evidence in this case was overwhelming. You went to the room. You took guns. You used force. You took property, and in this state, that amounts to robbery with the use of a deadly weapon.”

Simpson begged for mercy.

“I didn’t want to steal anything from anybody. I just wanted my personal things. I was stupid. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was doing anything illegal. I thought I was confronting friends. I thought I was retrieving my things. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody and I didn’t mean to steal anything,” he said.

Simpson’s attorneys plan to appeal the convictions.

Ron Goldman’s father attended the sentencing and afterwards called Simpson a “scumbag”.

That’s a gentle way of putting it.

Buh-bye, bitch!

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Published on December 5th, 2008 in Assholes, Celebrities and the Law, Celebrity Morons, Law, O.J. Simpson, jail

F*ck Emphysema, I Need a Smoke!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Despite being recently diagnosed with and hospitalized for emphysema, Amy Winehouse has already been photographed smoking.

Amy’s father, Mitch, recently spoke out to the press saying that the disease could possibly kill her if she doesn’t quit drugs and smoking.

“The doctors have told her if she goes back to smoking drugs it won’t just ruin her voice, it will kill her,” he said.

He added that she she may need a permanent oxygen mask and possibly a wheelchair if she doesn’t get healthy.

David H. Nielson, a thoracic surgeon in San Antonio, told Us magazine, “She’s only 24 yet she has the lungs of an 80-year-old . . She’s going to get fatigued [on stage] and have to rest with supplemental oxygen. It will dramatically effect her career. To have this type of emphysema already will likely shorten her life to about 50 years of age,” says Nielson.

50? Bitch won’t make it that long. Not at the rate she is going…


Amy Winehouse Paid $2 Million for Quick Performance in Moscow

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Amy Winehouse better hold on to her money, because really folks, how much longer will people pay to see the junkie trainwreck perform half-assed shows?

In the meantime, Amy is still a hot commodity.

Russian billionaire, Roman Abramavich, offered Crackhouse a whopping $2 million to perform at the opening of his girlfriend’s art gallery in Moscow on Thursday.

Winehouse, who can use the cash, has been spending tons of dough on paying inmates to look after her Blake-Incarcerated. And of course, smack.

Amy flew from London to Moscow and when they landed Amy was a mess. Winehouse’s performance was scheduled for 10:30pm but was two hours late as people behind the scenes tried to sober her up enough to sing for the crowd.

When she emerged she walked down a red carpet lined with red lights. The NY Post described the runway as “guiding her like a damaged aircraft down a runway.” Heh.

As she performed she chain smoked, at one point hurling her lighter into the crowd, she was unsteady on her feet and her short dress revealed to some unlucky guests that she wasn’t wearing panties.

A source said, “I heard that her singing was a little sloppy But she still put on a terrific show.”

More like a freak show.


The New Nick Hogan?

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Hulk Hogan is all set to rescue his little boy after the spoiled sh*t gets out of jail.

You see, the Hogan’s are doing everything in their power to restore the family’s reputation, especially Nick’s. And they are doing it the only way they know how – with a new reality show, of course!

It seems daddy Hulk is working on a show starring his assh*le son that’s sole purpose is to create the impression that Nick is a changed man. Yeah, f*ck remorse! Let’s figure out a way to pretend like you’re a good guy!

In the video below, TMZ obtained a recorded phone call between Nick and Hulk that you have to take a listen to. You hear Nick tell his dad the basis of the show,

“It’ll be real-ality – how I’m recovering after this – celebrity outta jail.”

-Nick Hogan

Oh no he didn’t! How he is recovering? What about John?!

Hulk talks about producing the show and promises not to screw Nick over money-wise. He even tells Nick he will make him the owner of the show. Hulk suggests the title, “The New Nick”. Nick sounds anxious to start work the minute he steps out of the clink. Which isn’t surprising as he has a lot of cleanup work to do.

This family will stop at nothing! Sadly, Nick hasn’t learned a damn thing from all of this, thanks to his father, who refuses to teach him the rights and wrongs in life. Unfortunately jail can’t do that for him.

Hulk’s Reality Conspiracy

[Video courtesy of TMZ]


Surprise, Surprise . . Spencer and Heidi are Terrible Tippers

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Heidi Montag and self important boyfriend Spencer Pratt treated themselves to a nice dinner with a couple of friends at a Los Angeles restaurant Saturday night…camera crew in tow, no doubt.

Their bill came to a total of $783. Included on the tab was 12 shots of Platinum Patron which runs $60 a shot! Spencer, being the man that he is, flipped the bill, but only left $800. That means a mere $17 tip for the lucky waitress who was fortunate enough to have the pleasure of waiting on these morons.

Once filming had stopped, the waitress went to the producer of the show and asked about the whopping 2% tip. He then forked out $60 of his own money, bringing the total tip to just under 10%. Not excellent tipping skills.

So waitstaff and bartenders in L.A. take note, and don’t do these two any favors.


Spencer Pratt Does Anal Sex

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

In the latest issue of Radar magazine, Spencer Pratt’s advice column ‘Yo, Spencer!’ gets a little dirty.

YO SPENCER! How long do you have to date someone before it’s appropriate to bring up the possibility of anal sex?

If you’re dating a guy, right away. If you’re dating girl, I think you’ll know pretty quick if she’s into that. If they’re not bringing it up, it’s not something on their agenda. That’s just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, “If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it’s cool.”

Ok, this is almost too much. Spencer talking about anal is pretty raunch. But lo and behold, even when talking about something this foul, Spencer always finds a way to drop hints about how cool he is. “My boxing coach says…” In other words, “Hey everyone, I just started boxing this week, and I want everyone to know because it ups my hip factor.”

Poor Spencer, I don’t know if there is anyone out there who tries harder…

Published on May 6th, 2008 in Celebrity Morons, Celebrity Sex, Heidi Montag, Sex, Spencer Pratt

CSI’s Gary Dourdan Busted With LOTS of Drugs!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Gary Dourdan was busted by Palm Springs police officers when they found him sleeping in his car at 5:21am yesterday morning.

Police say the actor had heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs on him. Geeze dude, how high do you need to be? Holy hell, that’s enough to take down Jason Davis an elephant!

Dourdan was promptly taken to jail where he posted his $5000 bail and was released.

Hope it was worth it, moron. Say goodbye to your career!


BREAKING NEWS: Wesley Snipes Sentenced to Three Years Prison for Tax Evasion!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Wesley Snipes was sentenced to three years prison in Florida today on tax evasion charges after a jury found him guilty in February.

Snipes failed to pay taxes for three years resulting in the government claiming he owed nearly $3 million dollars. However, his attorneys claim that he owes only $228,000.

His lawyers requested that U.S. District Judge William Terrell Hodges limit their client’s sentence in a hearing this morning. They thought he should get no prison time and no fine. Instead, he received the maximum penalty.

Snipes was acquitted of three other similar misdemeanors as well as two felony charges of tax fraud and conspiracy.


Countdown to Amy Winehouse’s Death

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Photo: DailyMail

Although you wouldn’t think it would be possible for Amy Winehouse to to be in any worse condition, it is.

Winehouse went on a rampage Wednesday morning on the streets of London after a long night of drinking at the pubs and doing smack, or blow, or whatever she decided to geek out on that night.

Amy spent six hours in the bars drinking with musician pals and getting wasted. Onlookers say Amy was really messed up. A source told The Sun, “She was off her face, throwing drinks around and turning over tables. Amy screamed, ‘I am a legend, get these people out. I want to take drugs!”

She also wanted to play pool. But the tables were full and when a bar patron didn’t give up his table for her she hit him in the face. The victim, Mustapha el Mounmi, 27, said, “I feel so angry. She smashed my face hard. I could not hit back- she’s a woman.”

At nearly 3am Amy finally decided to head home. At some point a man tried to hail her a cab, which she didn’t take lightly. She was so out of it, she thought he was trying to grope her, which led her to head-butt the guy. Well now he’s pissed and it looks like Amy is risking arrest.

A Metropolitan police spokesperson said, “Police are investigating an alleged assault on Chalk Farm Road at approximately 3:20 am on April 23. A 38-year-old man [contacted] Kentish Town police station and alleged a 24-year-old woman had assaulted him. No arrests have been made as yet but inquiries continue.”

But it doesn’t end there. When the junkie trainwreck got home she realized she had lost her keys (of course) and had to have friends help her break in through the garage. So now everyone knows her house is easy to get into. Heh.

Oh, Amy.

It’s not even sad anymore. It’s just disgusting. Junkies are pathetic beings. And to think she was voted top ROLEMODEL in the UK by British teens. Yikes.

Amy is going to die, folks. Yeah, I’m saying it. Look at her. Look at how much she has changed in the past two years. Her body is wasting away, her face is caving in. One of these days a fix is going to result in a dirt nap. It won’t be long.

Tick tock, tick tock…


Amy Winehouse Delays Recording New Album

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Amy Winehouse

The Sun is reporting that Amy Winehouse has scraped recording plans for her follow-up to Back to Black.

Her record company, Island Records, had Amy set up with an all inclusive trip to the Bahamas where she was to start recording her album with producer Saleem Remi. However, at the last moment she backed out.

Amy has written songs for the album but hasn’t begun recording. Her new songs are said to be very dark. Darker than those on Back to Back.

A source said, “Island wanted to get her away from it all and thought it would be great surroundings for her. It was a very expensive trip and it was hoped they would make some decent progress recording the album. But Amy pulled out at the last minute. The album was planned for late 2008, but her label is now privately admitting it’s unlikely to happen until 2009.”

Published on April 14th, 2008 in Amy Winehouse, Celebrity Morons, Music, addicts

Courtney Love Caught Smoking in Airport, Banned From Flight

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Courtney Love was banned from a flight Monday after she was caught smoking in an airport.

Love was scheduled to fly from London to Los Angeles.

She says, “I had a fag in the first class lounge, like two hits, and they wouldn’t let me on the plane with my daughter. They made some big thing like I’m a f*cking terrorist or something. It was embarrassing.”

Yeah, it’s all their fault Courtney, you moron. Just because you are a rock star (hardly) doesn’t mean you can smoke in the f*cking airport. Get a grip bitch.

Besides, wasn’t Courtney was telling us last year about how her doctor forbid her to smoke after finding nodules on her throat?

Anyhow, Courtney was allowed to fly the following day and has not been banned for life as Naomi Campbell was earlier this week.

Published on April 11th, 2008 in Celebrity Egos, Celebrity Morons, Courtney Love

My Chicken Scratch Sketch of Perez Makes His Lame Site

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

My Perez Hilton Drawing

But of course, no credit to me. Such a shocker. Heh.

Isn’t that funny as hell? Be my guest and go leave a comment.

Most of the tweens who visit his site either hate my pic or think he looks like a child molester! Ha! I never claimed to be a Picasso, that’s why I call them ‘Chicken Scratch Sketches’! So bite me if it sucks.

Anyhow, thanks Megan for letting me know even though you read his lame ass site. Heh.

See my original HERE.



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