Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren have welcomed a baby girl into the world!

She was born at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. It’s not yet known what the baby’s been named or any other details.

Congratulations to the new parents!

Source: yeeeah.com

Jessica Alba married long-time boyfriend and father of her no-longer-bastard child Cash Warren in a civil ceremony in Beverly Hills yesterday. People Magazne says

Warren arrived with Alba at about 11:30 a.m, applied for a marriage license and waited for the paperwork to be processed before a staff member from the courthouse married them. They were casually dressed, with Alba wearing a long blue dress and her hair back in a ponytail. Nobody else attended the wedding.

Well, it’s like they say — “Give a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.” May their love burn bright the rest of their days! Or until they file for divorce two years down the road due to “irreconcilable differences.”

With her mom last week:

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Jessica Alba, 27, and Cash Warren, 31, were secretly married on Monday, May 19th at the Beverly Hills courthouse.

Nothing fancy, the vows took place at the courthouse’s ceremony room about 40 minutes after applying for a license. People magazine reports that Alba wore a long blue dress and had her hair in a ponytail, while Warren wore a white shirt and brown pants.

Their unborn child is due this summer.

Source: yeeeah.com

For every knocked up actress in L.A. getting engaged, there’s a decade-old Hollywood marriage hitting the skids. The NY Daily News reports

A pregnant Jessica Alba is getting hitched to her baby daddy. Alba, 26, was spotted sporting a sizable rock on her left hand over the holidays and her rep confirmed Thursday she and aspiring producer Cash Warren, 28, are engaged. No date is set for the nuptials and insiders say the pair may hold off until the baby is born.

But then People magazine reports this morning:

Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn are divorcing, their rep, Mara Buxbaum, confirms to People exclusively. No other details were immediately available. The couple, who’ve been married 11 years, have two children together, Hopper Jack, 14, and Dylan Frances, 16.

I’d normally say something about Sean Penn’s anti-American antics being the cause of his divorce, but I recently became an anarchist, so I’m gonna say it has more to do with his mustache. Yikes. As for Alba, well, I predict months of marital bliss before she catches him with an underage Thai boy and a two pounds of hashish. None of it will matter when the Bilderbergs orchestrate the New World Order, anyway. Not even the mustaches. Hope you all wanted police states for Christmas, ’cause that’s what you’re getting! Also probably fruitcake and over-the-limit fees. After all, ’tis the season for credit card debt and conspiracy theories.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of a pregnant Jessica Alba and her boyfriend being all in love, while hiding from the cameras this past weekend.

The real victim in all this out-of-wedlock shit are the kids, because they aren’t called illegitimate for nothing. It’s been proven that bastard kids have retarded cognitive development, lower educational achievement, lower job attainment, increased behavior and emotional problems, lower impulse control, retarded social development and are more likely to engage in early sexual activity, have their own kids out of wedlock, be on welfare as adults and turn to a life of crime.

So keep kissing your baby daddy all you can because it’s also proven that out-of-wedlock pregnancies usually ruin relationships instead of bringing them closer together, so your plan of trapping the motherfucker’s going to backfire, so enjoy it while you can.

Good Job Alba, keep covering your slut face. You have every reason to be ashamed of yourself, because even God hates you.

Source: yeeeah.com

Good news, boys — Jessica Alba is single again! According to Us Weekly

After two-and-a-half years together, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have split. The 26-year-old actress broke up with Warren, a 28-year-old producer, last week over the phone. Sources [say] that Alba, who was abroad over the weekend promoting Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, called Warren on July 22 and told him, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Within hours, Alba had dispatched an assistant to the L.A. home they shared to pack up Warren’s belongings and move him out.

Coming home to all of his shit packed up is a pretty good way to make it clear your relationship is really over. So is sending him a picture of your smiling face hovering two inches over someone’s penis. Especially if you’re giving the “two thumbs up” sign on either side of your face. There’s just no arguing with that kind of enthusiasm. That’s how they rate movies, you know.

More of Jessica in next month’s issue of British GQ after the jump

Payday Loan cash advance, quick and easy

Source: yeeeah.com

You wanna know what makes that “perfect kiss?”  Teeth. Lots of teeth.  Lead with the teeth, in fact.  Try to avoid actual lip-to-lip contact.  And also, your mouth should be open as wide as possible.  Think “mother bird regurgitating dinner.”  If you can make a face like someone just shoved a hot curling iron up you ass, well, you’ve got it just about right.  Really, how do you think someone like Cash Warren scored someone as hot as Jessica Alba?  Not good looks and charm, folks.  It’s all in the kiss.