Here are some Sienna Miller frontal nudes from her movie about being a hippie. I don’t know about you, but the hippies I know rock serious fucking bush, none of the manicured bullshit that she’s got going on. I have always been a fan of bush, in theory, because bikini waxes are too fucking mainstream and I like to see a girl go against what’s popular, but the problem is that most girls with bush are either lazy, don’t fuck or are tree hugging dykes.

I got this email from a reader today:

well i started growing my bush, for you, obviously, because everyone else i try to tell about this thinks im gross, and i have really straight hair, like asian people straight and i fucking hate those asians, but anyway, i wanted my bush to go POOF right, no. its goes down. i now have pussy bangs.

I thought it was funny that my one reader is a chick and that she’s willing to grow her bush out for me. It makes me feel like she’d probably lick my asshole with shit still in it and I guess this kind of power makes me feel like some kind of important celebrity type that groupies run up to to bang when they see them out in bars. Unfortunately, that’s probably not the case with me, and this girl is probably in her 40s, hates her life and has a weight problem but at least she made the effort to make me feel like she’s actually doing something so dirty for me, even if she never sent a picture to go along with it.

Either way, here’s that Sienna Miller Pussy, that’s probably seen more cocks than you have and possibly more cocks than my 84 year old prostitute friend who’s been doing this suckin’ dick money shit for over 6 decades, but I’d still like to bounce quarters off the shit, even if I’d have to hit the streets and beg for change, because quarters are pretty much my life savings and I don’t think Jude Law’s sloppy seconds are worth my life savings, but with other people’s money, I am totally down because let’s face it, her junk’s not as meaty as most pussy out there, and meaty pussy is about as sexy as sucking on a fucking scrotum.

I don’t know what I am talking about, look at the pics.

Do you remember when Nick Lachey and his girlfriend went to Mexico and frolicked around naked and fucked in the hot tub and it was all caught by some photographer that they had the Mexican government kill and forced all the pictures that were released off the internet so that in a couple months time it would be like they never happened because we would have all forgotten….it turns out that they weren’t forgotten and these pictures surfaced recently in some Spanish Magazine.

I am not an expert at spotting fakes, but these are pretty believable to me. I would assume that this Minnillo slut has a solid bush and I am okay with that because I am a fan of bush. I can never tell whether I am a legitimate fan of bush because I haven’t come face to face with one in years, not because waxing and shaving is what every 14 year old and her mother does now as scheduled as brushing their teeth, but because I am a married man who doesn’t ever look at his wife’s cunt. That said, I think girls with bush are breaking down the mainstream, they are saying no to the Chachi way of bald and owning their natural state and when some girls tell me over the internet that they have never shaved before, it reminds me of some kind of magical forest that the building developers haven’t started building on, or like a deserted island that no one has ever visited and that shit is hotter than razor burn.

Either way, I don’t want to get sued so I am going to just link this site that has the pictures loaded. Although I like seeing celebrities naked, I don’t like when they use some of the money in there huge bank accounts to get their revenge on me…..Even if they could be fake.

I didn’t go out last night because i got bubonic plague early monday morning and missed work. Since I slept all day, I was up all night amusing myself. After the batteries died in my vibrator, I decided to try this fake-tan shit. Living in NYC has made me pale as an albino’s balls. Tanning salons are cancer boxes. I used to get brown from running, but I can’t run anymore since i fucked up my knees from giving too much head on hard surfaces as a hooker. And sunbathing is so fucking boring, unless you are at the beach. And I was too hungover to handle more than 20 minutes at the beach in San Diego.

So I stripped and slathered my body with this tanning cream. I made sure to properly smear it into each crevice, to really rub my ass, to massage the lotions deep into my tits. As I was standing in front of the mirror, nude, waiting for the magical golden change, it sounded like the water was running in my studio. Now my apartment is a converted storefront, with basically a garage door for one wall, the kind the shopkeeeper would open and BANG, his store was basically open to the street (luckily there is also a side door so I don’t have to do that). I check for the source of the trickling water, and its not from my shower, which is next to my toilet. It’s not from the toilet, which is next to my sink. And its not from my sink, which is across from my bed…

I notice a puddle of dark liquid leaking from under my garage door wall, exactly in the place where i need to replace the duct tape for when it rains. I smell pee, and I am PISSED. I fling open my side door and start screaming at this homeless junkie taking a leak on my sorta-wall. He stands there stunned. I realize I am still completely naked and lubed up, and we are both caught in this awkward moment. He runs, I go back inside to clean the urine off my floor. My studio still smells like pee and I am not a naked golden goddess… YET.

Here are some vintage pics of Lisa Marie naked with Jeff Goldblum on some beach from a few years ago (it maybe old, but it’s boobs and bush). She has the potential to be a golden goddess, she just needs to even out those white hooters and crotch. She is a patchwork goddess. As for Goldblum, I love him, but thank god for lots of sand. Lisa Marie is best remembered as the hot gum chewing ‘Martian Girl’ in “Mars Attacks!” and hasn’t worked since 2001. Have fun wacking off to Lisa’s still pretty good-look’n bod.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE

These pictures were taken by photo agency FAME and they are of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo naked. Unfortunately the fuckers sold the picture to Life & Style magazine and the uncensored version hasn’t hit the internet yet. I emailed x17 asking them to send me the unedited version, which could have been a mistake since those fuckers hate me and sites like me and sue all of our asses as often as they have to to protect their really lucrative, yet sleazy business of taking pictures of celebrities naked. The reason I am posting these is in hopes that one of my 12 readers, that means you, works at this magazine and has a copy of the original.

I always was fascinated with pubic hair and pussy and always wanted to know what bitch is rockin’. I remember when I was in school I used to ask all the girls to tell me about their pubic hair. I’d want to know what color shit was, I wanted to know how shit was maintained, was it bald, was it rectangular, was it triangular, was it dealt with by using scissors, wax, Nair or a razor or was it full blown bush. I never got kicked out of school for sexual harassment, only because it was a different era, no one ever complained and the teachers were probably just as into the shit I was doing and the information i was trying to get as I was, that’s why they were highschool teachers and didn’t have real jobs.

If that happened today, I probably would have never finished the ninth grade. They would have kicked me out and sent me to therapy or an all boys school or some shit good thing they didn’t because an all boy’s school would have given me little information for my autobiography that I will never write that is going to be called Life as a Pervert.

Mick Jagger will be sleeping comfortably with his 6′4 girlfriend in his 7′2 long hotel bed. Too bad Dubya

[tag]Mick Jagger[/tag], lead singer of The Rolling Stones, recently got the chance to piss off President Bush, leader of the free world. When Bush went to check into the Imperial Hotel, the first floor rooms he usually reserves were taken up by Jagger and the rest of the band. A close associate of Jagger was quoted as saying,

White House officials had wanted to reserve the suite and all the other rooms on the first floor, but Mick and the Rolling Stones had bagged every one of them. Bush’s people seemed to be under the impression that they would just hand over the suites, but there was no way Mick was going to do that.

When asked where the President would be staying, the answer was disclosed for “security reasons”. Probably the Holiday Inn.

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