Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Britney Spears, her father Jamie and Mel Gibson are all headed to Costa Rica for a vacation!

The three left for Central America in a private jet at approximately 9:00am this morning. Mel invited Britney and her father to stay with his at his home there.

Britney is supposed to get approval before leaving the country due to her child custody battle, and although she does not have her children with her, it’s not known if she abided by those rules. But if her dad went with her, I would think in order to not complicate the case they would have covered their bases. I’m sure TMZ or someone will find out soon enough though. Because you know that if she didn’t get permission, it’s going to be the latest Britney controversy. Always something..

Source: agentbedhead.com

Today Maxim released its Hot 100 List of the world’s most beautiful women for 2008. Normally, I’d pay about as much attention to this as to anything else Maxim has to say, but this year I was pretty excited to see that Lindsay Lohan made the list at #9, while Britney Spears clocked in at #19. My HTML skills are rather poor, so “pretty excited” is my substitute for putting that line in 24-point bold font, followed by “WTF!!!1!” repeated four times in four different colors. Of course, it’s possible this is actually 2003, in which case I stand corrected and promise to calm down.

Among its many other virtues, Maxim uses the most tedious click-through format imaginable for its lists, just to maximize (heh!) hits, and nobody’s going to bother with that. So here are the top ten on the list, along with a few other names that will put the placement of La Lohan and Britney in perspective. We’ll tuck them below the jump, just to let the edge-of-your-seat, who-gives-a-rat’s-ass excitement build:

Pages: 1 2

Source: yeeeah.com

Britney Spears drove her Mercedes-Benz into the back of an SUV in Beverly Hills yesterday, for a brand new record of two rear-end collisions in less than a month. The NY Daily News reports

Spears was idling at a red light on Sunset Blvd. when she saw cars moving in a left-turn lane and thought she had a green light, too. Spears hit the gas, slamming her white Mercedes into a red Ford Explorer. The star reportedly was texting on her phone while driving.

“Texting while driving” sounds a lot better than “her belly came unlodged from its resting place at the base of the steering wheel and crashed down on her driving leg, causing a chain reaction that ultimately floored the gas and propelled her into the back of the Explorer.” Which, judging from those pictures yesterday, is probably what actually happened.

Hiding the culpable belly beneath a giant purse yesterday:

Source: yeeeah.com

Could Britney Spears really be knocked up again? Pictures of Mental Case McGee waddling around L.A. in a velour tracksuit have sprouted yet another crop of pregnancy rumors. The Daily Mail says

She was snapped cradling her swollen-looking stomach on a shopping trip [in L.A. over the weekend]. Dressed casually in tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt, the mother-of-two was seen placing a protective hand over her bulging tummy.

Wow. Just… wow. I think the only way these picture of her could get any sexier is if they were also scratch-and-sniff stickers.

Source: yeeeah.com

Madonna continued her promotional tour for her new album “Hard Candy” by regurgitating last week’s performance in Paris yesterday. But wait… what’s this? It appears that she’s kissing another woman! Egad! And all the while holding bottle of champagne, from which she will no doubt drink directly! Such scandal! Such debauchery! Always pushing the envelope, that Madonna! Next, she will do something even more shocking, like make light of the crucifixion or publish a (NSFW) book of nude and sexually ambiguous black and white photos! 2003 also promises to be a year of aeronautical disasters and Eastern Asia SARS outbreaks! Stay tuned!

Source: yeeeah.com

Britney Spears met up with ex-husband Kevin Federline in court yesterday for her first custody hearing in over three months. This one went decidedly better than the last one, in that she didn’t show up five hours late and talking in a British accent. TMZ says

Brit will get three days of supervised visitation per week… [and] she will also have overnight visitation within a month. The goal is to ramp it up over the next few months so that Brit gets 50/50 custody [again].

Good for her. It looks like she’s finally learned her lesson. Like she said on the way out of the courthouse, “Making the decision to have a child - it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.” No, wait — that’s not right… I think it was Elizabeth Stone who said that. My mistake. Britney actually said, “Dammit, SP, I dun tole ya ta quit touchin’ Mama’s smokes with them grubby little fingers a yers. I sed QUIT!” Ah, the mother-child bond! It brings a tear to the eye.

At Bally Total Fitness yesterday:

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline headed back to the courtroom today and it turned out to be a good day for Britney.

Ms. Spears was granted three days a week with the boys, a step in the right direction for Britney, who is trying to get back equal custody with her children.

Federline’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan said during a press conference that the boys’ overnight stays will be “phased in”.

“The court made orders today, they were orders that the parties were able to mostly agree to. It represents a a cautious step moving forward.”

Kaplan added that everyone is pleased at the progress of this case, and that of Britney. He also stated that the children are doing “great”.

Britney’s parents released a statement saying they are “pleased with Britney’s progress” and “very appreciative” that the judge is considering the fact that she has shown improvement in recent months.

Both Kevin and Britney are expected back in court on July 15th.

Source: yeeeah.com

Big sis Britney Spears flew home to Louisiana to attend a baby shower for Jamie Lynn Spears on Saturday. It was — as expected — a high-falutin, super-classy affair, with lots of clouds of carbon monoxide and chemical additives courtesy of Britney. People Magazine reports

About 30 guests were invited to Kentwood for a ladies-only, catered celebration for the 17-year-old at the family’s Serenity mansion. Mom Lynne and fiancé Casey Aldridge’s mother lent a hand. “We all sat in a circle and she opened gifts and thanked every person. It was just a good old fashioned baby shower.

The talk of the shower, though, was Britney’s gift. Her gift came without boxes or bows. It was a gift of the heart, handwritten on notebook paper held together with Scotch tape. I proudly present to you “Britney Spears’ Top Ten New Mama Tips For Jamie Lynn.” Enjoy.

10. Don’t titty-feed or your nipples’ll get as big as fuckin dinner plates

9. If’n you lay ‘em on their bellies, you don’t have ta hear ‘em holler so much

8. Formula ain’t the same as heavy whippin cream, so don’t never use it on pie

7. Ya can smoke while you’re feedin ‘em as long as ya point yer cigarette the other way

6. Tin foil makes a good toy cuz it’s cheap an shiny and the little ‘uns like shiny

5. Don’t NEVER micrawave babies. Just use a towel.

4. If’n it shits in the crib, you can put them in a dog carrier until the housekeepers git there

3. Babies can’t breathe underwater like they do in the movies

2. Only drive with ‘em in yer lap if’n there’s no one around to take yer pitcher

and the number one piece of advice from big sis Britney:

1. Don’t never hold ‘em hostage when it’s time to hand ‘em over to your ex-husband

Source: yeeeah.com

Although it seems impossible without the aid of bonfires, Britney Spears has somehow managed to lose nearly $61 million dollars in the last year. According to In Touch Magazine

In addition to the enormous tab for legal bills, rehab and psychiatric care, Britney’s inability to work has cost her a fortune. “By not touring for her last album [Blackout], she lost out on $50 million,” estimates an LA-based CPA. ““It’s staggering how much money has been used up.”

Britney Spears has spent the last six months and the same pair of raggedy-ass boots and covered in stains, so I doubt she’s blowing her money on clothes. I’m thinking more along the lines of Kentucky Fried Chicken and Phillip Morris. Not the actual companies, of course. I’m talking buckets of chicken and smokes. Merrill-Lynch might have tried to point her along the lines of long-term growth, but last time I checked, you couldn’t deep-fry dividends. Plus their pie model of capital structure doesn’t even come with whipped cream! Who are they trying to kid? It’s Britney, bitch!

Working off her return:

Source: yeeeah.com

I woke up ten minutes ago fairly sure that I had been a victim of a hate crime and amoebic dysentary. Turns out that I just drank a lot of something called “Absinthe” last night. If you’ve never indulged, let me save you the mystery and suggest you down a quart of kerosene and light a match near your anus, then let a friend work you over with a baseball bat. Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Almost as fun as Britney Spears returning to the set of “How I Met Your Mother” yesterday! Really? Well, fuck you. I’m hungover. OK! Magazine says

The episode finds Britney (Abby) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) still dating and hoping to use the relationship to anger their mutual nemesis, Ted. Word is Barney will even a pop a question to Abby.

Britney’s episode will air on May 12.

I tried to think of something I cared about less than Britney’s return to sitcomery. The effect of entrepreneurial agriculture on the economy of the Midwest? The mating habits of the boll weevil? Poor people? Then I decided “enough with the thinking” because it was making my head hurt and went back to spray-painting the toilet. You’re welcome.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Another week, another tabloid cover about Britney Spears‘ weight.

She’s fat, she’s skinny! She’s fat, she’s skinny! I swear, can’t the gossip rags come up with any new material?

Next week they will be spotlighting her ponch and starting the pregnancy rumors again. Egad.

Source: yeeeah.com

Thanks to the success of her first time guest-starring on the show, Britney Spears will be reprising the role of Abby on CBS’ “How I Met Your Mother.” According People

“The show is ecstatic and so is Britney,” a source said. “She had so much fun the first time around she really wanted to come back. It was a mutual decision to work together more.”

The singer/actress will do one episode, the source says.

Funny thing, success. To you or me, success might translate to “dollars earned” or “accolades attained.” To Britney Spears, it’s anything that doesn’t end with her bald and strapped to a gurney while the cops take her kids away. So, according to Britney’s standards, I’m practically Bill fucking Gates. Not a thrice-divorced single mother with bad credit and glandular issues. Perspective, baby! Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me from killing myself.

Arriving at recording studio April 17th: