Source: yeeeah.com

Boy, if I had a nipple for every time somebody told me I looked like a brunette Marissa Miller, I’d have… uh… two nipples by now. Wait — that’s not right. I mean I’d have like ten cents. Ten cents in nipples. The proof is in the pudding, boys and girls!

Source: yeeeah.com

In an open letter in NY Magazine, columnist Emma Rosenblum addresses Katherine Heigl’s recent withdrawal from the Emmy nominations for “lack of material” and her increasingly holier-than-thou behavior. Rosenblum writes:

Okay, Heigl, we agree that Izzie’s story lines have become increasingly marginal and unbelievable. Lately, everyone on the show seems to think that Izzie’s completely irritating. So do we! We actually groan aloud when your face appears onscreen! And guess what? You’re totally annoying and self-righteous, just like Izzie!

And then (and then!) you called your own hit movie, Knocked Up, “a little sexist.” But you did it, you made lots of money, and it made you a certified movie star. Do you think you’re above the work that you do? It was a comedy, and you profited tremendously. You’re no Streep, honey, and even she does Abba with a smile.

Grey’s Anatomy is a soap opera. Get off your high horse, missy. You talk all about the integrity of the Academy? Ha! You know they’re giving an Emmy to a reality-TV show host this year, right? Stop pissing off your writers and directors and castmates.

Of course, I would have included a photograph of myself using “27 Dresses” to wipe my own ass, but that’s just me. Not everyone has my savoir-faire and sense of decorum. It’s a gift, really.

In Mexico with her husband this past weekend:

Source: yeeeah.com

Environmentalists everywhere voiced their concerns over the weekend regarding Kim Kardashian being allowed to lounge outdoors in only a bikini. Scientists believe her bottom could easily be mistaken for North America from an aerial perspective, confusing migratory birds and causing derivations from their usual route to the U.S. “Plus, bitch got one big fat ass,” one scientist was quoted as saying. “I mean, God dayum.” Sorry, but you can’t argue with science!

Upsetting fragile ecosystems with sister Kourtney over the weekend:

Source: yeeeah.com

I sort of imagine Amy Winehouse’s morning routine to be like the Disney version of Cinderella’s. Only instead of songbirds birds tying her apron strings while costumed mice slide on her slippers, you’d have a four or five beavers arranging her hair and a retarded monkey holding a makeup gun at point blank range.

A dream is a wish your heart makes:

Source: yeeeah.com

Second take on your summer supererogative, boys and girls: today’s mighty vessel is the former Wonderbra model known as Eva Herzigova. You remember — “Hello, boys!” On second thought, maybe that should read “Goodbye, boys!” Like, “We’re heading south for the winter!” The “wonder” in “wonderbra” must have been less of an adjective and more of a underwire-reinforced triple foam padding enhancer.

Source: yeeeah.com

Meet Britney! She’s one of the few who survived 2007, during which 78 manatees were killed by watercraft and hundreds more by water pollution and direct destruction of their natural habitats. But with the advent of Adopt-A-Manatee, you can do your part to help save Florida’s gentle giants. For only $25 you get:

• A photo of your manatee
• The manatee’s biography
• An adoption certificate
• A signed copy of “Toxic”
• Four newsletters throughout the year with updated reports on your adoptee

Britney needs our help. Let’s all do our part to save the docile sea cows of the Southeastern United States!

Source: yeeeah.com

Mischa Barton is claiming that the man who photographed her sunbathing topless in Australia last weekend did a little retaliatory photoshopping in an attempt to make her look bad. Barton’s rep tells Rush and Molloy

“Those photos are doctored. They’ve given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old. There’s a lot you can do with Photoshopping. [Photographer Jamie Fawcett is determined] to make Mischa look bad because she called him out for taking the topless shots.”

Oh, come off it already, Mischa. The photos aren’t doctored and we all know it. Remember, nobody likes a crybaby. Crybabies get picked last for kickball and don’t go to prom and end up living with their mothers and developing glandular issues and hiding behind their computers making fun of people they don’t know in a feeble attempt to quell their own self-loathing. Frankly, that kind of existence is a little pathetic.

Source: yeeeah.com

Kudos to the artist who managed to sculpt such a lifelike Mischa Barton entirely out of chewed bubble gum. It takes real talent to create with such a difficult medium! Not to mention jaws of steel and a mouth riddled with cavities. Most Mischa sculptors just stick with garbage bags full of loose change and relief maps of Scandinavia. It’s just easier.

Larger header images after the jump, and Mischa covered up at the Costume Institute Gala last night:

Source: yeeeah.com

Famed southern writer Eudora Welty once wrote, “A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.” Except for in the case of Heather Locklear, where all it stops is your right hand from going anywhere near your penis.

Heather from a more flattering angle on the set of “Flirting With Forty:”

Source: www.yeeeah.com

It’s a day ending in “y,” so by my calculations, it’s time for Sienna Miller to show us her snatch/tits again! And in case you missed her boobs the first time she pulled her bikini top down (photo left), then check out the tit-tastic view when she pulls her top up (photo right). And then down again (thumbnail 4)! And now back up again (thumbnail 2)! And then check out the view when she circles them with magic marker and puts flashing police lights on either side of them and has a little midget in a rhinestone jumpsuit scream “SIENNA MILLER TITTIES” out of a megaphone while blasting an airhorn and throwing confetti! I’m not one hundred percent sure here, but I think she might want us to check out her boobies. Of course, that’s just an educated guess. Don’t quote me on that.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

You know the feeling you got when you you were forced to hug the middle-aged accounting partner of your father’s staggering around in a giant diaper and bonnet at 1986’s New Year’s Eve party? The feeling that compelled you to spend two hours in a scalding hot shower with a Bible and a Brillo pad in the fetal position? Well, relive your seven-year old nightmare all over again with these pictures of Pink in a polka-dot bikini and sun hat in Malibu over the weekend. It’s a disturbing melange of Anne Geddes and biker bar, Gerber and Jack Daniels, Huggies and Astroglide-primed anal fisting. I don’t know whether to find it a binky or light its cigar. It’s probably best to just throw rocks at it and wait until it stops moving before you get any closer.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The ass crack above belongs to Todd Morse of Juliette Lewis’ rock band non-fame and is clearly not a threat to Pink’s masculinity or melatonin production.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

The Daily Mail has pictures of Mena Suvari frolicking in the surf in another cheek-baring bikini this week. It begs the question “Does an ass this marvelous have magical powers?” I’m sure her bottom could grant wishes and maybe cure cancer if you just knew how to harness its power. For the record, burying your face in the crack and motorboating like you’re demon-possessed does not unlock its supernatural potential. Nor does getting a good running start with your spanking hand outstretched or putting her in a headlock and attempting to “play the bongos” while she thrashes around like a bluefish in a trolling net. Unless your one true wish happens to be a black eye and a restraining order, in which case, have at it, Slappy.