Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This is Sarah Morrissey, she’s the 2006 Miss Ireland. I don’t know much about geography, but from my experience every Irish girl I’ve ever come across has been fucking disgusting. They are usually bloated beer drinkers with fat asses who get too fuckin’ wasted to walk after their pasty white skin challenges you to a drinking contest but you don’t understand them because of their stupid fucking leprechaun accent.

On the positive side, they are easy, like most drunk girls and they have no problem letting you visit their pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and by rainbow I mean night of binge drinking,unfortunately there never is much gold unless you count that time I found a used condom in one from the pub crawl the night before.

That said I’d still let this Sarah Morrissey bitch rub her four leaf clover all over my face, but that’s just because I am superstitious and will do anything I have to do because I need all the luck I can get.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I saw some more pictures of Kelly Brook in some dated ill-fitting bikini that I was going to post asking why the fuck every site is posting pictures of this bitch when no one knows who the fuck she is, but then I came across her topless pictures and figured that it doesn’t matter who the fuck she is, what does matter is that she’s half naked and that’s all a girl needs to do to get on this site. So if it’s always been your dream to have me write about you, all you gotta do is get naked but after you do that, we’re going to have to have a talk and work on the reasons why you have such shitty dreams…

Bonus – Her Shitty Dated Ill-Fitting Bikini

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Elisha Cuthbert on the beach dressed like she’s in an Arab country so that no one can see her skin. At first I thought it had to do with her trying to avoid the sun or the cameras because she’s so sought after, but then I realized that no one gives a fuck about her, especially after she put on a ton of weight and looks like a haggard coke slut. So she just knows that she has no business rockin’ a bikini, because she’s pretty much let herself go, and that’s a nice gesture of her during this holiday season.

Fine – I Take That Whole Post Back – Here Are Some Tagged Bikini Pics from JustJared.com and She’s Looking Pretty Fucking Good….Vagina Definition and All….

BONUS – Vagina Definition

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Her name is Julie Ordon, I have no idea who she is, but I kinda want to know, because she’s pretty into being naked and not really caring that some creepy immigrant paparazzi motherfucker is snapping off pictures of her half naked in a see through bikini bottom and thong.

It either means that she is a free-spirited tree-hugging liberal bitch who takes it up the ass and has had multiple sex partners because it makes her feel empowered or she craves male attention and takes it up the ass and has multiple sex partners to make her feel wanted because her daddy liked the neighbor’s daughter (with his penis) better than he liked her, so whatever the reason is, she’s doing a good job doing whatever she is doing and she’s doing it half naked….Merry fucking Christmas.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

The Kardashians are living the classy high-rollin’ life by partying on the beach somewhere Mexican lookin, like it was college spring break, complete with a Mexican tequila shooter man, a pantless white dude and some stupid beach game called “jump over the locals” that is only fun to a drunken slut and the dude lookin’ up her shirt.

I had a pretty disgusting experience in a girl’s bathroom this weekend while wasted at some bar. I went to piss after drinking a bottle of booze and saw a huge line-up for the guys bathroom, thanks to cocaine, it ruins lives and my drunken pee time, but on the positive side of things it’s a great way to get pussy because where there’s cocaine there’s pussy.

So I ask some girl if she’ll let me pee with her in the girls bathroom, because there was less of a line. I walked into the bathroom and got a massive amount of dirty looks because I guess they thought I was some pervert invading their private space, but realized it was because the place was fucking disgusting and it kinda worked against their party dresses and made-up faces. I’m talking piss everywhere, clogged toilets, shit smeared stalls, I felt like I had just walked into some kind of homeless person war zone or where the only weapons available were bodily functions. The girl I’m with ends up getting completely naked because she’s rockin’ a leotard, so I got to see some tit and that made the experience a little better, but then when my turn came up, I made the mistake of flushing the toilet and as I walked out into a sea of hot club sluts, my own sea of Urine, Shit and Toilet water sprayed up on my motherfuckin’ leg, and I only own one pair of jeans, so I’ve been smelling this piss for the last 3 days.

When I walked out of the stall, followed by the stream of over-flowed toilet, the whores waiting in line and doin their make-up turned on me and started calling me disgusting and a pervert and shit, and knowing that if I was a pervert I’d be lickin’ these toilets, when the truth is that after seeing that shit, I’m thinkin about goin fag.

So look at Kim Kardashian’s ass and realize that her drunken fat ass clogs toilets…

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some more of the Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures that show her snacking. Now I know she made some statement about how girls should love their bodies and shit, but what kind of lesson is she teaching today’s youth who are already battling with obesity, when she sits on the beach like a lazy pig and stuffs her fuckin’ face. I guess the only good thing about these pictures is that she’s covering her fat gut because it shows that she knows she’s got a belly and she’s insecure about that shit, but also because it saves us all from having to look at the shit.

I feel bad for Jennifer Love Hewitt’s love. I don’t think dude knew what he signed up for and is already in too deep. It’s like when you marry the prom queen and after a couple of years and realization that her life is fucking shit and all she does is sit at home watching Soap Operas and emotionally eating, she packs on 50 lbs and isn’t the vagina you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Only in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s love case, the shit has already hit the fan and he’s not even locked in, once the security of marriage hits, bitch is going to explode….and he’ll be stuck jerking off to old photoshoots of her from her prime, the girl he thought he was going to end up with and at the rate things are going….so will you.

Bonus – Some Jennifer Love Hewitt and Her Boyfriend Walking Together….She’s So In Love…He’s Planning an Escape…First Marry the Desperate Fat Chick Without a Prenup, Knock Her Up then Leave Her For The Younger Hotter Mistress and Get Half of her Party of 8 Money…..The Parrott is Just Thrown in There to Help Make His Story of Love for Jennifer Love More Believable….

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I was surprised to see these pictures of Pam Anderson on the beach covered up, mainly because she’s an exhibitionist slut who is normally in a skimpy bikini with fake and real parts spilling the fuck out, but I guess it was cold out considering that buddy she’s with is rocking a gayer than bicycle shorts, tight as fuck wet suit.

I usually rip into this bitch for being a trashy washed up stripper. Or I go off about her hepatitis and how she was the object of all your wet dreams when you were in high school, but I guess I gotta step back and be realistic for a second. She’s got a couple of kids, she’s pretty menopausal, and she’s still got a tighter body than most 20 year olds I try to get naked. Sure, I prey on the ugly ones because they appreciate the attention and I appreciate their youth, but they are still girls. I think Pam’s future husband does the same thing, only he’s more successful and the young girls he goes after are heiresses that he’s enterprising enough to film getting fucked raw dog. I always wondered if he was the source of her herpes, which is the strain that has hit everyone in Hollywood, or if she scored that somewhere else. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what Pam and his sex smells like, you know her hep, his herp shit’s could be pretty fucking gross.

I am not so into fake tits, I don’t like what they do to girls. They make them so tit-centric that being around them is fucking tedious. They always talk about their tits, flash their tits, make people touch their tits, which isn’t the bad part, the bad part is that I am never the one they ask to touch, lick or rate them, and whenever I am left out, I get bitter. I was walking down the street today and saw some pregnant lookin’ chick walking alone with a set of fake tits, my first thought was that I bet she didn’t know the daddy’s name because her fake tits lured him in one drunken night, when I asked her, she wasn’t too impressed and told me to fuck off.

Either way, here are the Pam Anderson and the shit stain on her arm covered up on the beach pics.

Don’t worry, this post didn’t make me laugh either.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This are probably some of the most misleading pictures I’ve seen in a while and that is why I am posting them. When I saw the caption of Jennifer Love Hewitt at the beach, I figured they were some slutty bikini pictures, but that was before I remembered that this bitch is a bigger prude than this none I once knew who used to be a whore but found Jesus. She gave up fucking for money , but she did let us peak up her habit every once in a while, I guess because once you’re a slut, you’re pretty much always a slut….even after finding Jesus.

Either way, bitch is on the beach, bitch is fully clothed and bitch is fatter than she’s ever been. It’s the typical story of the young small framed girl with huge tits who ends up hefty 10 years later, because her tits are so out of proportion that the ass feels like it needs to catch up or some shit…Reality is that all this girl ever had going for her was her body because her face was always a wreck, and now that the body is gone, I guess that means she’s dead to all of us….

I am not always mean to fat chicks because I am a model citizen. I don’t help old ladies cross the street, I don’t volunteer and I don’t have a job or contribute to the world in any way. I am not a big brother or a big sister, I am not an activist and I don’t have a cause, I am not trying to change the world, I don’t recycle but I did hold a door open for a at lady I almost slammed it on because my brain blocks out every girl I don’t want to fuck. It’s like I can be in a room with 10 girls and only see the hot ones, the ugly ones don’t even register. Either way, I apologized to the woman for not seeing her but I couldn’t help saying “I bet you don’t hear that often” because she’s fat and takes up the same amount of space as 2 people. It may have been a bad joke, it may take away from the nice model citizen act of kindness of holding the door open for a woman whos hands were full with 2 boxes of donuts and it may make me an asshole, but at least it made me laugh.

Here are those Jennifer Love on the Beach Pics for you remember something that once wasn’t a fat chick with a camera.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Fuck the MTV Awards and my neighbor who made me watch it with him. I don’t have a tv so I fucking sold my soul to the devil, or at least the creepiest motherfucker in the neighborhood in order to use his cable. I had to watch him eat licorice with his toothless mouth while staring me in the eyes the whole time i was there, stroking his leg and telling me stories about fucking some chick because she looked like his cousin and he always loved his cousin…….It was awkward, but not as awkward as the MTV awards. They were a pile of fucking shit that I didn’t understand, with hotel parties and fragments of corporate strategy made to look like party insanity, that I was going to liveblog because there was a time I was a live blogging champion, but I got distracted with the Sarah Silverman monologue. I have a serious hatred for her and it’s not because I am part of the german Nazi group that got arrested this weekend, it’s because she isn’t funny.

She is like every celebrity blog that I hate with the “crutch joke” of stating the obvious, but she just does it in a way that didn’t maker me or my neighbor who only bangs chicks who looks like his cousin crack a smile. She’s just this shock value piece of shit who likes talking about shit, it makes up 3/4 of her fucking material and then throws in such innovative shit like “Britney Spears Kids are a Mistake or Madonna is a Python she performed with on stage with last time or some fucking Paris Hilton interaction about her orifices”. I can only say that she has a father or uncle in important places because if I hate her this much, I can only assume you do to….

Speaking of worthless, fat, Jewish chicks that are only funny because they are such shitty quality, here’s Natasha Lyonne and her post drug addicted body on the beach in the shittiest quality pictures I’ve ever posted. There was a time I used to finger my ass to her Slums of Beverly Hills tits….but she always had a busted up face, it was just a matter of time before her body took her faces lead….

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I just got back from having lunch with a group of highschool girls because that’s what I do for fun. They were telling me all about their sexual adventures and I was blaming the growth hormones in the milk for their naughtiness.

Either way, I got home and feel like I am dying, but came across these Sienna Miller topless beach pictures and figured I’d post them because you’re more into pictures of topless girls you’ve seen topless at least 20 times more than you care about horny teens and their sexcapades….

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

When I lived Texas as a kid (post LA), we had some real colorful neighbors. But the cream of the crop, my favorite, was the neighbor we’ll call “Ned.” Every morning Ned would creep outside carrying two old coffee tins filled with some sorta liquid, then empty them into the storm drain. Ned only wore wifebeaters and old plaid swim trunks and spent each day mowing his lawn. One morning i was getting into the the car on my way to my douche-magnent high school, when Ned strolls up to me holding a nasty towel. “Good Morning Ned,” I say. “Morn’n Nelly,” he says. Ned leans against my car door, dangling the towel, his head so near I notice he needs a dentist, and fucking quick.

“You, know…” he says. “Umm.. what?” I respond, knowing that if he tries to kidnap me and I scream, it’s useless since my mom is knocked out with sleeping pills and my dad is face down on the back porch with a bottle of scotch. Fuck. “Nelly, you should always carry a towel with you, like i do, in case of emergencies.” Okaaayyy… “Why?” I ask as he grins and stares down at my crotch. “In case you get trapped in your car and have to go to the bathroom.”

“Thanks,” I said, slamming the car door, knocking him back, and speeding off like I was on the honor roll and late for prize day. That’s when I began to wonder if the nice Turkish man that “joked” about being a pimp at that seedy bar (fake IDs baby) may have more to offer me than the world I was raised in.

Here is Helen Hunt raising her daughter in a beautiful world filled with Hawaiin beaches, and towels not soiled with Ned’s feces. What’s not so beautiful is her right ass cheek hanging out of her bathing suit. She’s got that wise look like, I may be old and have thighs like clotted cream but fuck you, I am rich, have an oscar and love my life. And for that I both respect and hate this bitch. I don’t know if you can spank it to her aging ass, but knowing you’re a virgin, it’s a go.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I didn’t go out last night because i got bubonic plague early monday morning and missed work. Since I slept all day, I was up all night amusing myself. After the batteries died in my vibrator, I decided to try this fake-tan shit. Living in NYC has made me pale as an albino’s balls. Tanning salons are cancer boxes. I used to get brown from running, but I can’t run anymore since i fucked up my knees from giving too much head on hard surfaces as a hooker. And sunbathing is so fucking boring, unless you are at the beach. And I was too hungover to handle more than 20 minutes at the beach in San Diego.

So I stripped and slathered my body with this tanning cream. I made sure to properly smear it into each crevice, to really rub my ass, to massage the lotions deep into my tits. As I was standing in front of the mirror, nude, waiting for the magical golden change, it sounded like the water was running in my studio. Now my apartment is a converted storefront, with basically a garage door for one wall, the kind the shopkeeeper would open and BANG, his store was basically open to the street (luckily there is also a side door so I don’t have to do that). I check for the source of the trickling water, and its not from my shower, which is next to my toilet. It’s not from the toilet, which is next to my sink. And its not from my sink, which is across from my bed…

I notice a puddle of dark liquid leaking from under my garage door wall, exactly in the place where i need to replace the duct tape for when it rains. I smell pee, and I am PISSED. I fling open my side door and start screaming at this homeless junkie taking a leak on my sorta-wall. He stands there stunned. I realize I am still completely naked and lubed up, and we are both caught in this awkward moment. He runs, I go back inside to clean the urine off my floor. My studio still smells like pee and I am not a naked golden goddess… YET.

Here are some vintage pics of Lisa Marie naked with Jeff Goldblum on some beach from a few years ago (it maybe old, but it’s boobs and bush). She has the potential to be a golden goddess, she just needs to even out those white hooters and crotch. She is a patchwork goddess. As for Goldblum, I love him, but thank god for lots of sand. Lisa Marie is best remembered as the hot gum chewing ‘Martian Girl’ in “Mars Attacks!” and hasn’t worked since 2001. Have fun wacking off to Lisa’s still pretty good-look’n bod.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)
EMAIL ME HERE