Source: yeeeah.com
There was plenty of ugly at this year’s Screen Actors Guild Awards. Nothing quite as ugly as Paris Hilton in a top hat crouching over a pisser, but still ugly. I put that picture of Paris up as a palate-cleanser of sorts, so you could refer back to it between photographs of the worst-dressed. It helps to distinguish between “disgustingly vomit-inducingly hideous” and “just an ugly dress.” You know, for perspective.
All the uglies after the jump.
Mariska Hartigay is really a beautiful woman. You can’t debate the genetic perfection of mother Jane Mansfield, so Mariska gets it honest. But I hate this dress. Too much lace and ribbons and texture and I hate that under-the-boob lasso dealie. Also, the ribboned split V down the middle of her torso widens at her hips, which adds a good fifteen pounds to her frame. Awful. Voted: Most Gullible.
When did they start letting fat people come to Hollywood award shows? I thought Camryn Manheim effectively sealed the deal on that a couple of years ago. Don’t get your control top panties in a bunch, fat girls — I’m just kidding. You and I both know that fat people can go anywhere they please. But Sara Ramirez’ dress is terrible. It looks like something she bought at Victoria’s Secret and customed tailored into an evening dress. It just looks cheap. Yuck. Nice Christie Brinkley-esque hair. Voted: Most Likely to End Up on Jenny Craig.
Eva Longoria just gets uglier and more desperate by the day. Her dress is a shapeless one-shouldered mess, and her makeup artist clearly moonlights as a mortician, because the only time I’ve ever seen foundation that thick has been on a corpse. Quite possibly the worst makeup at the SAG awards. All she’s missing with that eyeshadow and lipstick combo is some two-inch press-on nails and a fake Louis Vuitton bag. Voted: Biggest Slut.
What would you get if you mated Kate Bosworth with Rhianna? You’d get Heather Graham at the SAG awards. All forehead and bones. Jesus Christ, she’s gotten skinny. Any stylist who puts a pale-skinned blonde in a nude-colored dress is an idiot. And her makeup is a little garish. Voted: Most Forgettable.
Elizabeth Perkins just reinforces my belief that the old and dumpy should be extricated from Hollywood. She is old, right? I mean, God help her if she’s just plain ugly. Horrible prom-ish dress, wrong color for her hair and skin tone. Voted: Most Confused.
There’s a reason this woman’s middle name is “Gay,” people. It’s because Marcia Gay Harden is a clearly a man. A man with saggy boobs and horrible taste in clothes. And something about the bustline of that dress reminds me of a Venus fly trap. Nice pleats. The only way this dress could be any worse is if it was covered in swastikas and the skins of little children. God-awful. Voted: Most Butch.
When the space people from the future finally come for us, Ellen Pompeo should have no problem being assimilated into their culture. I didn’t know that Star Trek had their own formal wear line now. Good to know. Voted: Birdiest.
OH. MY. GOD. You could fit a grapefruit in that navel of hers. Poor Debbie Mazar is in dire need of a shaping garment. Also a new stylist. Maybe a new face and body. Disgusting. Voted: Most Likely to Self-Mutilate.
I’m not sure just what that is, but I know that I saw something resembling it in the movie “Alien.” It calls itself “Marg Helgenberger” and I’m pretty sure it feasts on the souls of the dead. Voted: Unholiest.
Kyra Sedgwick has a smokin’ body. She’s not cracked-out skinny or overly-buff — she’s nice and toned. Really fit for her age. But sweet holy Moses, her hair is terrible. Worst. Updo. Ever. And once again, the fair-skinned and light-haired need to stay the hell away from the beige and flesh tones. They’re just unflatttering. To think, she paid someone for that look. Voted: Frizziest.
Stumble it!
