Source: www.derekhail.com

It doesn’t look like Avril Lavigne will be going to Malaysia anytime soon. Avril is scheduled for an East Asian tour starting this month and her first stop is in Malaysia, however Malaysia’s Islamics are claiming that her performance will be, get this, “too sexy.”

“It is considered too sexy for us. … It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia,” said Kamarulzaman Mohamed, a party official. “We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.”

Well it looks like if they get their way, their teenagers are doomed to another school year getting off on some obscure artist’s shin, or getting it on in a back alley with a goat. I feel sorry for the poor rascals, honestly. There should be a charity where we airdrop issues of Playboy and Penthouse on their asses. I bet then, they wouldn’t mind a Canadian or two singing their heart out on their stage.

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Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Hilary Duff graces the cover of May’s Allure and in it she talks about other stars her age and her relationship with them.

On Lindsay Lohan:

“Supposedly, I stole Lindsay Lohan’s boyfriend [Aaron Carter.] We were, like, 13! And I’ve never stolen anyone’s boyfriend! I don’t know how you do that! . . . She was talking about it and I wasn’t. It made us both look bad and put up a big weirdness. Really she was just a girl my age. We are fine now, by the way.”

On Miley Cyrus:

“We don’t have each other’s phone numbers. But when she meets me, she’s excited. It’s cute – I see a lot of myself in her.”

On Avril Lavigne:

“I said something about how she didn’t like her fans dressing like her, and how she should appreciate that because it’s a compliment. She called me a goody-goody [Lavigne called Duff a ‘mommy’s girl’ in Newsweek] Everyone is trying to prove who they are, and their position. So, I’m ‘the good girl.’ She’s ‘the bad girl’ or ‘the party girl.’ Sarah Jessica Parker doesn’t take her clothes off, but she’s not a ‘good girl.’ [Adult actors] don’t get tagged like we do.”

One thing about Hilary is she never starts sh*t with anyone. She pretty much keeps to herself, enjoys her fabulous life and doesn’t crave the spotlight as do some of her peers. That’s class. It’s endangered in Hollywood, so it’s refreshing to see a young, successful female exercise it.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

The NY Post’s Rush and Molloy ran the following blind item today:

Which floundering pop star is hoping a clothing line will rehab her nonexistent singing career?

Coincidentally, floundering pop star Avril Lavigne announced that her new clothing line “Abbey Dawn” is set to launch in Kohl’s department stores mid-summer. Coincidentally! Us Weekly says

The threads (ranging from $24 to $48) mimic the singer’s signature skater-girl-chic style and include hoodies, jeans and tees in bright colors and skull and zebra patterns. Lavigne, who had a hand in collaborating on designs, plans to wear the line during her Best Damn Tour, which launches this month.

For a limited time only, buy a pair of glittered Converse or fingerless gloves and receive a travel-size pink hair mascara FREE! And with every purchase over $100, you’ll receive your very own Abbey Dawn brand plastic tubing and medical-grade double-lined bag — yours to keep!^* Now you can have that Insufferable Douchebag^TM made famous by pop’s punk princess. Coming to Kohl’s July 2008!

_{*Vinegar and fountain syringe sold separately. Prices and participation may vary. See participating Kohl’s stores for details.}

Airbrushed in this month’s Maxim:

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I used to always get surprised when I’d see the skater-punks like Avril in my neighborhood bending over to pick up their skateboards and seeing that they were rockin’ a thong under their baggy jeans and Punk Band T-shirt. I always expected them to be the kind of girls who wear men’s underwear or at least boy shorts that look like men’s underwear, because it just made sense, since they were pretending to be dudes. But the reality is that they weren’t pretending to be dudes, they were pretending to be skater-punks and l’d never get surprised seeing those same girls a year later rockin’ UGGS, American Apparel leggings and over-sized vintage dresses like they were Lindsay Lohan, because every girl influenced by the media’s gotta grow out of the poser-punk Avril Lavigne, Tony Hawk Pro Skater, candy-coated bullshit who sits around all day learning tricks and chasing boys and who drinks 40s with her friends while smoking weed in the park blowjob phase and turn into a cocaine dabbling, club going, vodka cranberry loving, dancing on the bar before sucking off a chachi in the bathroom then going back to a hotel party for an orgy phase. It’s just the normal course of becoming a woman.

Either way, I was expecting Avril to be rockin’ a pair of board shorts and not a pair of tight boy shorts, but I guess girls becoming a woman now that she’s married and shit and feels ok showing off the ass she never had growing up but has now that she’s older. I can only hope the next time these kinds of pictures hit she’ll be wearing something a little more lady-like, like her punk rock vagina, because from what I’ve been told, there’s nothing more lady-like than pussy.

The rumor is she’s pregnant, but doesn’t look like she’s pregnant in these pictures, but I’m not a doctor, I just pretend to be when it comes in handy, like that time the old lady fainted at the mall and I got to give her mouth to mouth. She may have tasted like Werthers and Cod Liver Oil but I still got a boner and that never happens. Or the time I convinced this chick at the coffee shop that her cough was serious and that I had to give her a full physical in the bathroom to get to the root of the problem and instead of using surgical gloves I used my tongue, and when we were done I prescribed her Tylenol on a Starbucks napkin….fine that never happened but I still say that Avril isn’t knocked up.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

The thing I like about girls who dress like boys is that they have vaginas, the thing I don’t like about girls who dress like boys is that they dress like boys. I was never a fan of the skater chicks even though they were the tom boys who’d get wasted with you, wrestle with you and spit on hot chicks with you. They would never worry about getting dirty or messy but with never worrying about getting dirty comes a whole lot of smells I’d rather not get down with. But when her crusty baggy jeans she’s been wearing all week slipped off and her dirty skate shoes that make her feet smell like dude come off and her drunken mismatched sock wearing ass crawls into your bed and that ass is on a fit little body from all the running around pretending like she’s a female Steve-O while learning how to Ollie and moshing at punk concerts, makes the cross dressing ok.

Either way, the word in Canada is that Avril is pregnant according to Sum 41’s friend, which only seems normal, since everyone is fucking pregnant and let’s hope that video from the birth gets leaked on the internet, because watching babies squeeze out of celebrity vagina is my new porn.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Why does Avril Lavigne always look pissed off?  She’s on vacation in Miami, sipping a drink and she still looks like she wants to fight.  She actually manages to look less pissed off than usual here.  Maybe it’s the Florida sun, maybe it’s the liquor, or maybe she finally got that bug out of her ass.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Hollywood is a-humping, folks.

The latest in a long string of pregnant celebrities is Avril Lavigne. IsThis Happening is reporting that the Canadian singer is a month and a half along. She must have just found out in the past week as she was guzzling down the champagne on New Years Eve.

Baby madness is taking over Hollywood! Just watch, there’s going to be a surge in teenage pregnancies in 2008. Babies just might be the new Tinkerbells!

_______________

*UPDATE: Avril’s rep is denying reports that she is pregnant. We know you can never trust a celebrity rep, so this one is up in the air - time will tell.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The security guards are on high alert in Times Square this New Year’s Eve, and for good reason. The revolting Carson Daily shall host NBC’s New Year’s Eve with musical performances by Lenny Kravitz, Carrie Underwood, Kid Rock, and Velvet Revolver. Hourly countdowns will be provided by Carson Daly, Ryan Seacrest, and, most importantly, Anderson Cooper:

Anderson Cooper will appear on the Countdown Stage to say “Happy New Year”, and lead the Times Square revelers in counting down to the end of each hour [sic] as a fifteen second video countdown is displayed on the giant Panasonic screens accompanied by special sound effects.

So, along with Coop’s ambiguous sexuality, Tila Tequila and her fake bisexualism will be on hand too. Sounds like a plan:

Previously: A Totally Hetero New Year’s Eve With Jared Leto

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Avril Lavigne having a panty flash and by panty, I mean her over-sized men’s underwear she’s wearing is sticking out of her ill-fitting pants, because there’s too much fabric to keep them covered up.

I find very little less sexy than a girl in those standard little boy style tighty whities. It reminds me of tom boy bitches who like to skateboard, play team sports, drink beer and fight while wearing loose fitting clothes to cover up their vagina’s they wish were cocks, or this dude I used to know who would beg the girls he got with to wear them before slammin them at a time that they weren’t socially accepted and sold in women sizes, but last I heard, he ended up going to jail for touching little boys inappropriately, which was kinda expected.

The thing I don’t understand is when a man wears a sheer lingerie set, they get called a pervert and a weirdo and the whole world rags on them but the second a girl wears her dad’s briefs, all you fuckers are jerking off. It’s a double standard that I think you should start protesting by going to your Christmas dinner in a dress tonight and tomorrow and when your family asks just say Avril made you do it.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

I know how Spicy loves her some Perez Hilton… she loves him as much as I’d like to have unprotected sex with Kevin Federline.

Obviously, an Avril Lavigne fan made this fake anti-Perez website in her name!!

Dear User,

I am Avril Lavigne and this is my personal message to get back at the scumbag above!

Maybe you have already heard that Perez Hilton wrote bad things about me on his online Blog.

I mean, he thinks in his own little world that he is the best and he makes everybody look silly on his Blog. But in reality he is the biggest stupid person I’ve ever seen! His insults have really hurt me so please help me to kick Perez in the ass with this website now!

If you want this to happen this is the place to make it happen!

Yes I want Perez to disappear and his silly page, too!

Avril hates Perez, I dig some of her songs and I don’t mind her. But I didn’t buy this for half a second. Avril’s neither this clever nor this dumb. If you go up against Perez, he will fight back 10x harder, making more posts about you.

Avril’s rep issued the following statement,

TORONTO - Avril Lavigne’s manager says the punky pop star is not behind an attack blog set up in her name.

McBride says he and Lavigne “do not engage in attacking people” and that they are focusing on her upcoming world tour.

fake site: perezlavigne.com

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.

I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.

I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.

Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.

Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken

Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand

Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs

Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…

Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair

Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains

Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t

Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…

Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….

Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man

Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….

Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits

Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….

Source: www.derekhail.com

Avril Lavigne and Petra Nemcova attended the KOI opening in Vegas and they were pictured standing side by side. I’ve always been a fan of both Avril Lavigne and Petra Nemcova, but holy god, Petra is a damn giant. Her face is practically similar in size to Avril’s full torso. As a matter of fact, after further inspection, Petra’s left arm is the same size of Avril Lavigne’s leg. It’s easy to misrepresent a celebrities height in pictures when they are by themselves, but when they are side by side, the comparison is absolutely shocking. I’ve always known Petra was big, but come on now… I wasn’t expecting this.