Source: www.derekhail.com

Looking at these photos of Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Karolina Kurkova, and Marisa Miller makes me feel like a teenager again.  Those days of holes in the girl’s locker room, only those lanky, braces wearing, pimpled faced bird brains have been replaced with beautiful, statuesque goddesses.  The only thing that seems to missing out of all of this seems to be me.  I’m going to have to complain about this later.

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Source: www.derekhail.com

In yet another ridiculous law suit, a fat chick is trying to get some quick cash because she’s not pretty enough to dress like an attractive woman.

A California woman is suing Victoria’s Secret, claiming she was injured while trying on a thong.

52-year-old Marcrida Patterson — who appeared on Thursday’s Today show with her lawyer — says she slipped on a “low-rise v-string” (part of the company’s “Sexy Little Thing” line) when a decorative metal piece flew off and struck her in the eye.

I’m willing to bet that this 52 year old woman is an ogre and the thong snapped because it’s not supposed to be stretched to that extreme.  She probably grabbed the smallest size and spent 20 minutes in the dressing room trying to put it on.  The judge should throw her in prison and make her wear a burlap sack for the rest of her life.

Source: www.derekhail.com

I never fully believed that Alessandra Ambrosio was pregnant because she never had a bump of any kind. She was like 5 months pregnant and looked like she had flat stomach. Well, these pictures pretty much confirm my worst nightmare. That perfect body is ruined. The guy who did this should be imprisoned for terrorism. Who are 13 year old boys going to wank it to now? Miranda Kerr? I think not.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Alessandra’s been hiding her pregnant belly with loose dresses and not wearing tight fitting clothes, which I totally appreciate.  There’s nothing worse than seeing the woman you’ve fired off knuckle children to, with a huge pregnant belly.  I realize she’s bending over here, but you can kind of imagine her pregnant stomach filling out that dress.  You can also imagine that’s my love child in there.  You know, while you’re in the imagining mode.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Alessandra Ambrosio hasn’t shown us alot of pregnancy curves…until now.  PREGNANT CLEAVAGE!  Alessandra is looking to be the hottest pregnant woman who’s ever lived.  You can barely see her huge disgusting belly, but her cleavage is in clear view.  Her legs aren’t all pudgy and look like melting mayonnaise.  Let’s just hope she doesn’t do the whole naked pregnant picture thing.  That would throw her credibility out the window.

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Source: www.derekhail.com

Wasn’t she supposed to be knocked up? Where’s the belly? I thought pregnant women are supposed to get huge and unattractive. Alessandra Ambrosio can’t be pregnant because I still want to see her naked. Yea, her shirt is a little loose but I’m willing to risk the fact that there might be a small pooch under there. An Alessandra pooch is much easier to deal with than what Jennifer Lopez had growing on her. I swear that woman gave birth to like twelve kids.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I am pretty slow fucking moving today and I don’t really know why, maybe it’s the fact that my friend fed me all kinds of disgusting foods last night at his Superbowl party and my body is recovering, but I think it’s more likely laziness a laziness that is so intense it carries over into the performance of my shitty site that is taking an hour and a fucking half to load.

I don’t watch sports but I was happy to see the Giants win the Superbowl because I fucking hate that Tom Brady motherfucker. I feel like dude thinks he’s a fucking hero, banging supermodels, playing a perfect season, riding some kind of high horse that was nice to see him get kicked off. I am all about kickin’ ‘em when they are up just as much as kickin’ ‘em when they are down.

Either way, I know that he’s not banging Gisele’s brazilian homegirl who she probably doesn’t talk to because girls are jealous of each other, but someone is because Ambrosio is knocked the fuck up and for some reason still working while pregnant. I guess it’s the strict work-ethic that they have ingrained into their brazilian fisherman brains or some shit.

So if seeing pregnant models doing a photoshoot while rockin’ a little lingerie and a little fetus cookin’ in her gut turns you on….these will make you happy. I am just happy about thinking of what got her to this point, but that’s just because I like sluts and nothing says “I put out and don’t use condoms because everyone knows condoms suck” like this fertile bitch.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Why is Alessandra Ambrosio still working?  She’s supposed to be pregnant, not in a sexy bathing suit showing her ass off.   Pregnant chicks are supposed to be at home with a bandana on their heads holding their aching back.  Then when you walk in from work they yell at you for some reason and demand you give them a foot rub.  At least that’s what they taught me in Home Economics during high school.  And by Home Economics, I mean gym class taught by a 3 times divorced, 45 year old, balding man who was very bitter.  Mr. Linderstein taught me alot.

Bonus Baby Bump Pictures!  Hot!

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

At first I thought that that some of you lazy fucks were just getting back to work today after your Christmas vacation and was going to make fun of you for having to slave away in front of some computer at some shitty job all day, but then I realized that the people who read this site are either institutionalized, unemployed, or work bottom feeder jobs that don’t have computers, but garbage bags, oh so many garbage bags.

So you don’t get any welcome back love, what you do get are some pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini top and little shorts for you to cross-reference with pictures of whatever girl you’re fucking to make you realize that coming back to work this shitty monday morning is the least of your fucking concerns. Cuddles

Source: www.derekhail.com

Alessandra Ambrosio was chilling out in a Brazilian Resort over New Years looking as hot as ever.  Unfortunately, she was also hanging out with what looked like a boyfriend.  I’m not going to show you those pictures though, it’s best if we always imagine Alessandra single.  That way, I can picture every way she can turn me down.  Today, I’m imagining her throwing her drink in my face, she’s a feisty one!

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio leaving somewhere with her hot legs, because I like models, but models don’t seem to like me. Everytime I try to chat up the hot girls at the bar, I either sabotage getting them naked by insulting them in the first minute befeore winning them over, or because they don’t like the way I look and think I’m a creep, or at least tell me to get the fuck away and call me a creep.

What they don’t know is that my pet peeave is being called a creep , because I think I’m pretty wholesome, but then i realize i look like a pervert, I am ratty as fuck and I spend my days lookin’ and writing about tits or harassing chicks on facebook, i’ve got about 10 rubber vaginas sprawled out around my computer because some company sent them up for me to do a giveaway on the site but I couldn’t come to terms with seeing them go, because it’s the closest thing to vagina in this apartment, since my wife’s is burried and scary. So even though I don’t use them, adding them to my equation definitely could give people the wrong idea about me, or maybe I just gotta come to terms with the fact that I am a creep, then it won’t bother me so much…

Either way, here’s them legs to creep on.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I guess the best thing about the Victoria’s Secret Angels flying Virgin Airlines, is how many virgins jerk off to their pictures everyday. Yes, I am talking to you.

Speaking of talking, I was trying to seduce some model who is in Tampax commercials that I came across on the internet, because I feel like despite having the shittiest website on the internet, models in Tampax commercials should try to get all the free publicity they can get, even if it means letting me watch them shower on webcam to reachout to 6 masturbating dudes, so I figured I’d ask her on a date, not that I’d ever leave my house, but it felt like she’d respond better than asking for nude pics, as I often do and never get. When she rejected me I wrote this:

You weren’t going on a date with me regardless, because I don’t do dates, they are a waste of time, and I don’t leave my house, but I used to fuck wannabe models and they were also a waste of time, but at least I get to see them doing things they wouldn’t want their father seeing, unless they were from a dirty family….which sometimes happens because I met them at the bus stop and they were teenage runaways, who weren’t really wannabe models, but didn’t seem to mind the camera when they were sleeping….

She never responded. Either way, marrying a lingerie or bikini model’s always been a dream of mine that I kind of fell short on, like I have with most of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up with someone you’d think would be a good spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts, until we got our rejection letter from them because despite bitch being a great customer, her morbid obesity takes away from the message they are trying to get out to young mother’s on the go. Apparently fat doesn’t sell, but it does kill, just not fast enough, not that I want her dead, but it’d be a nice vacation….but not as nice as one on a plane with these bitches, because I hear there are no laws once you’re off the ground….and exposing myself vagina shaped penis, because I am an inny not an outty and that would be the best way to convince them that I am one of them and that they can trust me enough to show me their vaginas and let me watch them pee. When I do it in the park, I always seem to get in trouble.