Source: yeeeah.com

Boy, I don’t know about you, but I suddenly have a hankerin’ for cassava melons. And beef tips. Big, pink, puffy beef tips. Maybe it’s just one of those “sympathy” cravings that you catch from being around pregnant people. That totally explains all the uncontrollable gas and mood swings today!

More of Lindsay Lohan flexing the ol’ “acting muscle” (re: boob) on the set of Labor Pains:

Source: yeeeah.com

Because there just isn’t enough shit on television, Brody Jenner is getting his own “reality” show on MTV. Hear that? That was the sound of a million people dry-heaving at once. According to People

Bromance features guy contestants who “will compete… in hopes of joining [Jenner's] entourage. Each episode will feature one “group date” with Jenner and contestants will also get one-on-one time with him.

The contestants will be whittled down in “Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies.” Unlucky “bros” will be forced to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet, in their swimsuits, luggage in hand.

“Group date?” “Hot tub?!” “Dripping wet?!!” “Bachelor pad?!!” Jesus, why don’t they just call the show “Who Wants All of Their Buddies Back Home to Call Them a Faggot for the Rest of Their Lives?” At least there’s a little more dignity in that. “Bromance” sounds like it should be part of a personal ad for gays seeking casual sex. Single white male 5′10″ 185 seeks non-smoker male 18-45 for companionship, bromance, and all around good time! Must love gyms, cosmos, and barebacking on meth. Call 555-ANAL and ask for Brody.

Source: yeeeah.com

Jessica Alba finally cranked out her brown baby yesterday. Us Weekly says

Jessica Alba and her husband Cash Warren have welcomed a baby girl, [Honor Marie Warren]. She was born this weekend at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Eh, who cares. In way more interesting news, Disney’s “High School Musical” star Ashely Tisdale does NOT have the HIV virus. According to Nine MSN

[The] rumor that Ashley Tisdale tested positive to HIV is “completely untrue” says her rep.

Last week a number of online blogs reported that the 22-year-old High School Musical star contracted the virus during a rhinoplasty procedure in 2007… and [now suffers] from AIDS.

Good thing, because it’s pretty hard to make a joke about AIDS. Same goes for jokes about childhood cancers and burn victims. Luckily, making buck teeth and pulling back your eyelids while saying “Me so sowwy! Me likey flied lice!” is always a hit. Even better if you’re wearing a zany tie or a plastic flower that squirts water. Really, burn victims can’t get enough of that shit. Anything with water really seems to crank their tractors.

Very pregnant Alba at the Celebration of Mentoring May 20th:

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Hal Sparks and Gene Simmons.