The Doctor Is Out.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Stanley Kamel Tony Shalhoub

The body of Stanley Kamel, who will be remembered as one of the great character actors, was found yesterday afternoon. He had died of an apparent heart attack. When the news broke earlier this evening, I was actually watching one of the DVDs from the 3rd season of “Monk.” At that particular moment of an episode, Kamel’s psychiatrist character, Dr. Charles Kroger, had paused to pull a granola bar out of his pocket while tending to his very high-maintenance patient, Adrian Monk, the hopelessly obsessive-compulsive detective. “Monk” will be entering its 7th season this July, and, to be perfectly inadequate in my choice of words, the death of Stanley Kamel really sucks. He was 65.

Published on April 9th, 2008 in Accidental Seriousness, TeeVee Shows

More On Sasha Baron Cohen’s Bruno

Source: agentbedhead.com

bruno4.jpg

Normally, I find Sasha Baron Cohen’s humor pretty amusing, but something bothers me about this so-called ruckus in the Wichita Mid-Continent Airport. Naturally, I have to talk about it, so please excuse this rare moment of seriousness. Cohen was in his “flaming Austrian TV personality” mode as his Bruno character (via Celebitchy) while he and an “accomplice” began “dancing in tight short shorts, kissing and fighting in the lobby.” Cohen was, of course, shooting a film, which is the only reason to visit Wichita, Kansas unless one has family that resides there. Since I was born in Wichita and have returned to visit on at least a yearly basis, I realize the inherent boredom that persists and would not recommend it necessarily as a vacation destination.

Wichita is a sleepy little town, but, at the same time, it is a sprawling metropolis of sorts. One always has the feeling that of being on the edge of town throughout the city limits. This seeming desolation can feel unsettling at times, but perhaps I’m just used to a more compact city. In addition, for such an apparently calm community, Wichita has higher than the national average for both property and violent crimes. While Kansas certainly isn’t Detroit in terms of the sheer numbers of violent crimes, the murder sprees that have hit Wichita have been particularly notorious and frighteningly random in scope. One infamous example would be the BTK killer, who kept the city on edge for 14 years while he lived a seemingly normal life and even regularly attended church. Then, there was the killing spree known as the “Wichita Massacre” or “Wichita Horror in which “113 counts of murder, robbery, rape and other crimes” were attributed to two brothers who favored execution-style killings. All of this is still a pretty big deal.

Oh, but there is more. Wichita is also affectionately referred to by its natives (as well as the air travel industry) as the “Air Capital of the World.” The city houses McConnell Air Force Base as well as six major commercial aircraft manufacturing companies. People are sort of uptight about air travel throughout the United States (and worldwide), but this is particularly the case where the air-industry is as dominant as it is in Wichita. Look, I know that, as a whole, Americans are pretty blind to the outside world, and a large percentage of mid-westerners are stereotypically xenophobic. However, with all of the above concerns, people in Wichita are notoriously uptight about anyone who in a bizarre manner, and they shouldn’t be excessively ridiculed for pulling someone aside who has been acting oddly in an airport, of all places. As funny as Sasha Baron Cohen is, he might do well for a little background research for the next city he hopes to take by surprise. Otherwise, this brilliant satirist appears just as ignorant as those he hopes to ridicule.

Published on March 31st, 2008 in Accidental Seriousness

Joe Francis Now Free To Manhandle Your Daughter

Source: agentbedhead.com

dicks

Two Dicks and Mario Lopez: You Make The Call

The recent news of a freed Joe “Jailbait” Francis is rather hilarious in the same way that setting one’s own reproductive organs on fire tends to inspire uproarious laughter. Indeed, after eleven months behind bars — and without poontang — Francis has entered a plea of nolo contendere and been freed on probation on the condition that he not film any poontang in certain parts of Florida for three years. This so-called restriction still provides Joe access to an untold number of beaches full of untapped ass. As expected, the “Girls Gone Wild” mogul (or is it auteur?) has big plans:

“We’re filming at every spring break location, 14 cities right now. We’ve got 50 or 60 camera guys out there,” Francis told Page Six from Florida, where he pleaded no contest to charges of videotaping underage girls and was released for time served. His lawyer, Roy Black, said, “It’s a big victory for Joe. He’s such a high-energy guy. He couldn’t stand being in jail.”

Francis still has to face tax fraud charges in Nevada, but he plans on striking a plea bargain in that regard as well. What he fails to realize is that plea bargains (including the Florida deal for child abuse and prostitution charges) are nowhere near the “innocent” verdict he feels that he has achieved:

“I have never committed any crime. I pleaded guilty just to get out of jail,” a defiant Francis said after the Bay County state court hearing. “A few corrupt individuals were able to keep an innocent man in jail for 11 months.”

Francis makes an estimated $29 million a year on videos of young women in sexually provocative situations.

Yeah, poor guy. As a first-time offender, Joe actually got off pretty damn easy. Next time, he’ll be shocked when an undoubtedly “corrupt” judge informs him that a nolo contendere plea merely means that he was too fucking lazy to fight those pesky criminal charges.

Image: MeetJoeFrancis.com

Published on March 13th, 2008 in Accidental Seriousness, Joe Francis

Bloody Hell, Have You Seen The Mojo, Mates?

Source: agentbedhead.com

pete101

As many of you have noticed, it just hasn’t been as witty around here lately on my part, for I seem to have misplaced my mojo! Methinks that either I’m distracted, or the batteries just need recharging. This seems to happen almost quarterly, so things will no doubt eventually return to their normal smartass quotient.

If ever complete the newer, more functional design for this site, inspiration shall probably fall forth in abundance. The wallpapering in this joint is almost two years old, which means that I can no longer even look at the site without shuddering. I might even have to whip up something temporary to calm my chi or whatever.

In the meantime, if anyone stumbles upon an errant puddle of pizazz, kindly toss it my way, and I’ll continue to ignore the magic rocks that Pete Doherty would use in this situation. Thanks, bitches, for continuing to lurk about the site, despite the lack of visible new content. You may not realize itt, but I appreciate the hell out of this site’s readership and sustained growth.

Published on February 22nd, 2008 in Accidental Seriousness, Pete Doherty

Cryptic.

Source: agentbedhead.com

military

Just sending good wishes to one particular soldier. Celebrity bashing shall commence once more . . . when I can stop feeling all accidentally serious and shit.

Published on February 5th, 2008 in Accidental Seriousness, Drool


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