Source: www.derekhail.com

Adriana Lima is on top of the world right now.  She’s one of the sexiest women on the planet, she’s engaged to a mediocre NBA player, and it looks like she’s just heard the world’s funniest joke.  It has to be the best joke ever because it’s turned her into a rabid chipmunk.  Or a giggling asian woman.  I can’t tell.  Pick whichever one is less offensive and run with it.

Source: www.derekhail.com

How slow must the day be for me to write something about Kate Hudson merely getting coffee?  The answer of course is mind-numbingly slow.  When I say nothing is going on, I mean it.  It’s summer people.  Get in a friggin’ bikini and show us some skin already.  Geez!

Source: www.derekhail.com

Ashley Tisdale, as hard as it is to believe, is 23 years old.  I think she seems younger because she plays characters on the Disney channel and they cover everyone up with turtlenecks and long dresses.  Ashley you need to do some movies on Cinemax.  Nude it up.  Then you’ll get some real attention.  You should bring that cute asian co-star of yours with you too.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Yes, I am one of those bloggers who actually have a life and enjoy getting away from the computer at times.

I am heading out today and won’t be back until Monday. Yesssss!

Time for beer, bikinis, blazing sun, boating, golf cart 4×4-ing, and other crazy shenanigans, because I am cool like that.

I hope everyone has a fab weekend and holds onto all their fingers and toes!

(P.S. Watch your dogs!  Make sure they are in a safe place and are wearing tags!)

xoxo

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Source: www.derekhail.com

I’m assuming Elisabetta Gregoraci is Italian because of her name.  I dont know what the deal is but I’ve been seeing alot of hot Italian women in bikinis lately and it’s making me wonder what the hell is going on over there.  Maybe the Derek Hail staff needs to take a trip over there and do some research.  By that of course I mean put my penis in many Italian women.  You know, for scientific purposes only of course.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Super-emo boy Pete Wentz recently admitted that he made out with other guys in the past.

Wentz, 29, who is now married to and expecting a child with Ashlee Simpson, says that in his younger days he had sexual trysts with men as a way to express himself.

He tells Out magazine, “When I said that I make out with dudes, there was a slight sense of sexual rebellion in that. And I probably even made it a bigger deal than it was.”

Wentz adds that he no longer partakes in sexual encounters with men. Sorry boys.

When ‘Out’ asked him when the last time he was he made out with a man Pete replied, “A long time ago. Probably when I was 22?”

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Former top supermodel Rachel Hunter no longer has the super-slim figure that elevated her to stardom.

Hunter, 38, is starring in NBC’s upcoming reality show ‘Celebrity Circus’, where celebs perform circus acts and are judged - and voted off.

You know you are at an all time low in your career when all you have going on is a freaking circus reality show! Crimony, please tell me this is not going to be another ‘Dancing with the Stars’!

Anyhow, Rachel has gained some weight and appears to be busting out of her outfit in these stills from the show. She said that the physical requirements of the show have caused her to gain muscle, making her appear larger than normal on screen.

What I want to know is, who the hell is in charge of costume fitting? They really could have found something else to wear that didn’t make her look like a blonde Chyna Doll.

People should give her a break anyhow. It’s not like she’s modeling. She’s a mom and the woman eats. Deal with it. Bitch had to starve for years. I think she deserves a little fettuccine alfredo washed down with some whole milk and followed by a slice of banana cream pie . .

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

“You can’t stop someone taking drugs, I know that, but you can certainly stop them performing. Somebody needs to stop her going onstage. I’ve been in that place. I know exactly what it’s like and I know how bad it is for her. I mean there’s nothing of her she’s emaciated. It just breaks my heart to see it. Who is around to drag her off the stage?”

- Boy George says that Amy Winehouse needs to stop performing and take care of herself.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Christina Milain.  Wow.  Thank God she decided to come out of hiding and take the place Jessica Alba’s ass once held because it’s going to be a while before that pregnancy ass goes away.  Jessica Biel is nice.  Vida Guerra looks like a Cocker Spaniel.  It’s behinds like Christina Milian’s and Izabel Goulart’s that really make the world go round.  Ask scientists, they know.

Source: www.derekhail.com

USMagazine must be desperate for stories because they are trying to insinuate that Alex Rodriguez and Madonna are…how can I put this…boning.

New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez was at Madonna’s Central Park West apartment in New York City shortly after his wife gave birth to their second daughter, Usmagazine.com has learned.

One source tells Us that Rodriguez, 32, visited the singer, 49, possibly as early as the night after his wife gave birth.

When I first saw this I misread it and thought it was Derek Jeter.  That douchecracker has been linked with Halle Berry, Adriana Lima and Jessica Biel so there was no way he could have gone that low.  A-Rod though, has been rumored to be gay for a while, so this pretty much confirmed it.  Congrats on your new man-love A-Rod.

Source: www.derekhail.com

In perhaps the most frightening news of the year, Heidi Montag says she wants to make a Christian album.

“I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God,” says Montag, who identifies herself as “kind of non-denominational Baptist.”

Montag — who just released her latest single “Fashion” and frequently reads the Bible — says she even wants to record a Christian album.

She adds that she once planned on devoting her life to God as a missionary in Africa.

The day Heidi Montag releases a Christian album is the day it rains frogs and the Black Plague returns.  I’m pretty sure the world would end.  This bitch is as religious as the dude who sits in the back of the church with that really religious hot chick.  I know what you’re up to buddy!  Trying to make her think you’re religious and then coax her into “sinning”.  I’m watching you pal!