Source: www.derekhail.com

Who is greenlighting these movies?  A cow falling from the sky?  Really?  Is that what’s funny now?  Where did the cow come from in the middle of the fucking city?  What’s funny about Hannah Montana dying?  Who is writing this shit?  What’s with all the questions?  Sorry, when I get pissed off I tend to be very inquisitive.  Why the hell can’t I get laid?  See?

Source: www.derekhail.com

This pale, funky looking chick is Uffie.  You may have heard her crazy off beat rap music before but if you haven’t, you soon will.  She’s huge in France and slowly making her way over here.  It’s mostly noise and clicks and beeps but I’ll bet anything she’ll be what the “cool Hollywood stars” are listening to just because no one else is.

Source: www.derekhail.com

There’s not much else I can say about Audrina Patridge’s fake yabos that I haven’t already said.  So I’ll just say the same thing all over again.  She has fantastic fake boobs.  Listen pal, if you’re looking for fresh unique articles why don’t you go pick up a Red Book and sip your smoothie coolada while you read that shit.  I’m staring at chest pillows over here.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Mary Kate Olsen went on Letterman and basically called Spencer Pratt a snake skin oil salesman.

“He does not have a good temper,” added Olsen, who was promoting her new indie The Wackness. “He walked out of a few games. He would walk off the field. He was like, ‘Me or the coach!’”

This chick just earned bonus points for seeming extra normal. Yea she was a crack head, but who isn’t these days? The hunt now begins for footage of high school soccer games where this douche pussied out and ran off the field. I give it a week before it turns up.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Everytime I see Colleen McLoughlin in a bikini, it’s always blue.  It’s a pretty useless observation but she’s pretty useless so…  You know what else is useless?  The Wendys 99 cent Menu.  You always end up spending like 6 or 7 bucks ordering from that thing anyway.  Extra Fries?  Extra Burger?  Sure, it’s only 99 cents more.  Jesus, I’m a fat ass.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Remember the slimy doctor who operated on Kanye West’s mother before she died?

Dr. Jan Adams is back on the scene, this time for yet another DUI. His third time since 2003.  Impressive. Our sources say he loves them Heinekens!

The dumbass was arrested at 2:45 am after being spotted in his ‘04 gray Jaguar XJ8 turning onto a freeway (680 freeway near Benicia) off-ramp. He failed a sobriety test and was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving, driving the wrong way and driving on a suspended license. He is currently in Solano County Jail awaiting bail.

On a side note, Dr. Adams has also had his physician’s license revoked due to unpaid child support.  He was warned in May and never did anything about it so his license was pulled at midnight last night.  What great timing!  This is the second time this has happened to Dr. Jan, the last time being in 2006 - and it lasted three months.

His license can be reinstated once he is caught up on payments.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

• Sarah Jessica Parker may already have another movie role lined up after starring in the hit, ‘Sex and the City’. Parker may be playing yet another single-girl in New York, although the story of Ivy Ames is rather different than that of Carrie Bradshaw. ‘The Ivy Chronicles,’ is about an Upper East Side woman who, after losing her high-powered job and getting divorced, starts over again but without the status and material possessions. After having to remove her children from their private school, Ames starts a business to help upper-middle-class women get their children into elite kindergartens. The movie is based on the book by Karen Quinn.

• Bill Murray’s divorce with ex-wife Jennifer Butler Murray has been finalized. Jennifer was awarded both of the couple’s home, custody of the children, child support and a lump sum of $7 million dollars, thanks to their pre-nuptial agreement. Talk about hitting the jackpot . . Makes you wonder if the allegations she made against Bill -including sexual addiction, marijuana smoking, abandonment and physical abuse - are true. Murray’s lawyer said recently, “I can say that Bill Murray is deeply saddened by the break-up of his marriage to Jennifer. They remain loving parents, committed to the best interest of their children.”

• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have donated $1 million to both American and Iraqi children suffering from the war. The donation was made to the Education Partnership for Children of Conflict through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation. Jolie said, “These educational support programs for children of conflict are the best way to help them heal.” Pitt added, “We hope to encourage others to give to these great organizations.” $500,000 will go to the Armed Service YMCA Operation Hero Program, which helps educate and emotionally support children of military personnel serving in Iraq. The money will bring 2,500 new children into the program. The other $500,000 will go to groups dealing with Iraqi women and children struggling to learn or simply survive. They include Women for Women International; The International Rescue Committee; and NineMillion.org, part of the United National High Commissioner for Refugees. In all, 5,700 Iraqi children and 300 women will benefit.

• The Supreme Court ruled today that Americans have a right to own guns for self-defense and hunting. This is the first major pronouncement on gun rights in U.S. history. The court’s 5-4 ruling struck down the District of Columbia’s 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment reads, “A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.” Justice Antonin Scalia said that an individuals right to bear arms is supported by “the historical narrative” both before and after the Second Amendment was adopted. The Constitution does not permit “the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home,” Scalia said.

• For all those saying they didn’t believe the rumors, you can eat your words. The marriage of Madonna and Guy Ritchie is indeed ending in divorce. Madonna has hired pitbull divorce attorney Fiona Shackleton, the divorce lawyer for Sir Paul McCartney and Prince Charles. Madge is said to be worth $300 million and is seeking a headache-free split from her husband of seven years. The pop star has recently been spotted without her wedding ring on. The material girl’s publicist has refused to comment so far. Rumor has it the couple has no pre-nup in place. James Stewart, a family partner with the leading London firm Manches, commented, “These big money divorces are either terribly straightforward, because there is enough money to give those involved a fair share, more so than where there is not much money, or they go to court, because one side is either mean or greedy.”

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Speaking of wackness, what the hell is Mary-Kate Olsen wearing?

It’s nothing new, she’s always wearing bizarre combinations of clothing but those shoes with that dress? Someone tell that troll to go back under her bridge!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Mini-Me Sex Tape: Avert Your Eyes

The list of celebrities who have sex tapes is getting longer and longer these days. Now you can add Verne Troyer to that list.

I don’t think I can top how TMZ described the tape . . “like a natural childbirth in reverse.”

Ha!

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer both have packed schedules at the moment and are working overseas.

Coincidentally, the two are both working overseas, Mayer is on tour and Aniston is promoting her upcoming film Marley & Me. (Which, by the way, I am dying to see. I just finished the book last night, and read it in a whopping four days.)

Mayer played at ‘Picnic in the Park’ in Den Haag outside Amsterdam on Sunday. He stayed in Amsterdam until Tuesday afternoon even though he had a show to play in the UK later that evening. Apparently he not only stuck around to smoke the finest herb in the land, he wanted to see Aniston who came to town to promote her movie at the 2008 Cinema Expo.

Jen and John had separate hotels but John spent little time in his after Aniston arrived. He headed to the UK around noon Tuesday, leaving Aniston to take in the sights on a tourist boat tour.

Source: www.derekhail.com

So her lips are swollen and look strange.  So she’s a little bit loopy.  I don’t care Lisa Rinna looks great for an old broad.  How many moms have you seen with a 6-pack and a decently firm ass?  Not so many.  Go to Walmart and check out the “average American woman”.  It’s fucking nasty.  The women in Walmart make me want to move as far away from the States as possible.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Nicole Scherzinger looks like she’s at some kind of funeral here.  Some kind of sexy funeral!  I always think it’s funny when women wear a see through top that clearly shows their bras then other times they are self conscious to make sure that their bra straps aren’t showing.  This is why I will never understand women.  Well, that and the fact that they seem to always spray me with mace.  What’s up with that?