Source: yeeeah.com

Tom Cruise finally has the perfect robot wife he’s always wanted — and he’s sure as hell not going to let her get away now. Katie Holmes’ plans to move to New York sans Tommy to star on Broadway were effectively quashed when Tom forced her into “Scientology Boot Camp” last week. Note: this brand of boot camp has nothing to do with saving your wild teen who dresses too sexy. According to Star

Katie was recently secluded for three days at Gold Base, the remote, supersecret Scientology compound in Hemet, California. “It included various tests, confession sessions, tons of reading and physically challenging purification processes,” a Scientology insider reveals. “Katie’s been going in for a series of intensive auditing sessions, some which have lasted for 36 hours straight — with little sleep or food.”

Sleep-deprived, food-deprived, and strapped to an E-meter by Tom Cruise’s lunatic minions. Boy, does that ever sound fun! But then again, so does hemorrhoid surgery and third degree burns. How will I ever choose how to spend my summer vacation now? Let’s just ask this shotgun here.

Being lead around at David Beckham’s birthday party April 20th:

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Oh boy, throw an attention whore in front of a camera and watch her hurl people under the bus.

Heidi Montag tells David Letterman that the reason she and Lauren Conrad stopped hanging out is that Lauren told her if she didn’t break up with Spencer they couldn’t be friends. And that’s after Lauren supposedly told Heidi how much she loved Spencer and wanted him to meet her dad. Yeah, I don’t get it either…whatever.

Basically the entire first half of the interview is about Heidi and Lauren, with Heidi talking smack as much as possible.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

“Last night the judges were thrown a curve ball on the air, which is just part of a live show. But it sparked a lot of gossip about Paula. And I read some of this online this morning and just for the record, the rumors — they’re not true. She’s part of our family and we love her.”

- Ryan Seacrest defending Paula Abdul on last night’s American Idol after she mistakenly critiqued two songs by Jason Castro - even though he only sang one - sparking rumors that she may have been lit up during the show.

Source: yeeeah.com

You can tell how hip and down with the young people Madonna is by the way she drank champagne directly from the bottle during a promotional performance in New York City last night. The Daily Mail says

She performed six songs for around 2,000 people at the Roseland Ballroom, at one point stopping to guzzle champagne from the bottle. Madonna spent almost every second of her No. 1 track Four Minutes grinding against Justin Timberlake, despite being well and truly old enough to be his mother.

Then she screamed something like “I take the drugs and do lots of sex and watch the internet all day and night!” Get it? You know, like an old person trying to sound cool? I guess it sorta came out more like a lame Borat impersonation. Almost as lame as I just made this post. Almost.

Source: yeeeah.com

A fan is suing “rocker” Pete Wentz for allegedly kicking his ass at Fall Out Boy show last year. That would be Pete Wentz. Of Fall Out Boy. Ahem. The one in the eyeliner about to lock lips with another man in the above picture. TMZ says

According to the lawsuit, Andy Kallas claims he was watching the boys perform at Schuba’s Tavern in Chicago when Wentz and his [bodyguards] beat him to a pulp for several minutes. Kallas claims he suffered “serious injuries to his head, mouth and face.”

Kallas is suing both Wentz and the club for an unspecified amount in damages.

How does something like this happen? It doesn’t make any sense. I’d put my money on a blind kittycat on stilts before I’d bet on Pete Wentz to win a fight. Unless the fight was some kind of emotive poetry-off or a competition for World’s Biggest Vagina. Then all the chips would be on ol’ Petey.

At the airport with Ashlee Simpson April 18th:

Source: www.derekhail.com

Heidi Montag went on David Letterman and babbled about her side of the “Hills” story. Something about a sex tape and Lauren and her boyfriend. I’m sure I heard something about a talking car and a mischievous badger but in all honesty I wasn’t listening. The Hills annoys me. It’s all staged and no one takes their top off. What kind of show has hot 20 something year old chicks and no one gets naked? The worst show, thats what kind.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Yea, I know it sounds like it’s made up and it probably is because USMagazine is reporting it.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are engaged, according to a source close to the diva, Access Hollywood reports.

Cannon’s rep had no comment on the report when reached by Usmagazine.com. Carey’s rep was unavailable.

Carey, 38, met the 27-year-old rapper-actor when he directed the video for her latest single, “Bye Bye,” in late March.

“It’s hot and heavy,” an insider told Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now.

“Hot and Heavy”? Who says that? US Magazine has got to be edited by a team of monkeys. They check their facts like once a year. And what’s the deal with Nick Cannon? Does he just get engaged to women so he can have sex with them? He was just engaged to Selita Ebanks. Nick, you don’t have to get engaged to have sex with women. Just tell them you’re friends with the guys from “You Got Served”. Chicks love that movie. Roofies also work. FYI.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Another nanny has come forward in the Rob Lowe case, and this one is accusing his wife, Sheryl Lowe, of all the sexual advancements.

TMZ is reporting that Laura Boyce has filed a complaint with the LA County Superior Court accusing Ms. Lowe of all sorts of freaky behavior.

Although there are no allegations of inappropriate touching, she is alleging that her former employer walked around the house naked while (nanny Jessica Gibson claimed the same thing) constantly exposing herself, that she asked Boyce about the size of her NBA boyfriend’s penis - also asking how she could have sex with him.  Boyce also claims that Sheryl used her forearm to simulate the size of her boyfriend’s penis.

Boyce is also contending that Sheryl spoke of her and Rob’s sex life in detail, showing her their sex toys and talking about her children’s penises. Which, of all the allegations, is most disturbing.

The complaint also states that Boyce called in sick one day and Sheryl screamed that she “got strep throat from sucking ni**er d*ck. I mean, black d*ck.”

The Lowe’s are also being accused of wrongful termination, abuse of process, unpaid wages and labor violations.

Source: www.derekhail.com

It looks like John Mayer can add Jennifer Aniston to the list of A-Listers he’s hooked up with. This goofy bastard seems to just fall head first into top of the line women. This time, he’s managed to be with the always sour pussed Jennifer Aniston. She always looks like she’s pissed off and has to go to the bathroom, but she’s got a pretty great body. This should last about a week or so. I can’t see anyone enduring her for longer than that.

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Although Angelina Jolie has always been upfront and candid about her past drug use, a new videotape that allegedly shows her using heroin has been offered up for sale, possibly threatening her current status as a charitable contributor.

The National Enquirer (uhh, yeah) is reporting that Jolie can be seen snorting and smoking heroin in a videotape that was filmed before she was catapulted to stardom. The owner of the video is offering it up for sale for $70,000 and describes the tape as follows,

“It appears to be from the 1990s, right before Angelina - then in her 20s - was breaking out in films like Gia and Girl, Interrupted….the key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, ‘Wow, this is really good smack - not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.’ Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube.”

Jolie has said in the past,

“I’ve done coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD everything. I hate heroin because I’ve been fascinated with it. I’m not immune, but I won’t do it now, at all.”

This is hardly shocking. It’s been a well known fact that Angelina played around with smack a bit while in her twenties. Even more recently there have been whispers, although unfounded, that she still dabbles in the drug when she’s not pregnant. Vicious rumors, or is there a little bit of truth to the gossip?