Source: agentbedhead.com

It’s like Back to the Future, only with the past: according to various UK style mavens, the next big thing in style and general cultural stance is a bunch of stuff that felt horribly embarrassing twenty years ago. Apparently the Eighties are going into reruns.

It starts with the hair, of course. (Over-emphasized hair was the foundation of any Eighties look, with the padded jackets, skinny ties, and leg warmers coming as a sort of afterthought.) The UK chain Superdrug reports that sales of home perm kits are up 50 percent over the same quarter last year. Even more impressive are sales of electric blue eyeshadow, vital for the kind of whorish face-painting favored by the likes of Pat Benetar and the line-up of Poison (see picture). Superdrug sold five times more of the garish stuff last month than they did in February 2007. That, my friends, is a trend.

It’s probably only a matter of time before the other cultural trappings of the decade start rearing their heavily moussed heads. However, Superdrug spokesman Peter Newbould spotted the flaw in this whole revival: “Scarily, the people buying into the 1980s now were probably born in the 1980s.” Twenty-year-olds seem likely to adopt the outfits, but not the cultural stance. In other words, lots of Miami Vice linen jackets with the sleeves pushed up, but not so much Joy Division or Echo and the Bunnymen. Although a revival tour for Huey Lewis and the News looks like a distinct possibility.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Simon Cowell is a bit of an enigma. On the one hand, his comments to the aspiring pop stars on American Idol are rarely any worse than they deserve, and intermittently he’s even clever. On the other hand, he’s an integral cog in the American Idol machine, so it’s difficult to see where he got that sack of “better than the rest of you” attitude that he seems to carry everywhere.

Both sides of Cowell’s persona are on full view in an interview set to appear in the British edition of Glamour. On the one hand, Cowell drags out his non-feud with Ryan Seacrest at tedious length, sounding as bitchy and shallow as possible. But then he delivers this gem:

“You know when you go to your auntie’s and the little chihuahua gets on your leg because it thinks it’s something else,” Cowell said. “That’s my relationship with Ryan.”
Making a swatting gesture, Cowell added, “It’s like–off!”

Seacrest would give one of his testicles to be able to toss off a putdown like that, assuming he could find them. Nicely done, sir. However, Simon promptly hopped back on the Idiocy Express with this line: “To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It works, you do it once a year–who cares.” Way to reinforce those stereotypes about English teeth, Simon. And a little something for the rest of us to keep in mind the next time we see Simon kissing some unfortunate wretch. He probably eats with that mouth, too.

Source: agentbedhead.com

On occasion, I actually end up liking a newly-released film that I review. That’s always an odd situation because I tend to specialize in tearing up pieces of crap, and in cases like this one, I’m not sure how to behave myself.

Penelope really is better than that piece of crap you make at home, and no, please don’t tell me all about your home movies. TMI, daddio. Go read the review.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Ever since Trent Reznor parted ways with his record label last fall, the man has behaved in mysterious ways — more so even than usual.

Now comes the news that Reznor’s Nine Inch Nails has released a 36-track instrumental album, Ghosts, and you can get a sizable chunk of it for free at Ghosts.Nin.Com. In addition, Reznor makes the whole schbang available in a variety of priced packages, if you’re into that sort of thing. Hopefully, the Reznor fans and collectors out there will spring for such purchases, but in the meantime, let’s consult the Urban Dictionary:

1. Reznorgasm: n. The peak of Aural excitement, characterized by strong feelings of pleasure and by a series of involuntary contractions, usually induced after listening to your favourite and/or a good new Nine Inch Nails song (or any other work by Trent reznor)

I was listening to this new Nine Inch Nails CD, and man, I reznorgasmed EVERYWHERE!

Indeed, I can imagine there are a few such fits of ecstasy going on at this exact moment.

Image from DefyUnlearn.com

Source: www.derekhail.com

I don’t think that’s a wig. I just think Sarah Harding’s hair naturally looks like a handful of bleached pubes plucked from a giant. She’s probably wearing it until she finds the “eye of newt” to finish her spell. What the hell is a newt anyway.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

The whirlwind romance between professional punchline Britney Spears and paparazzo Adnan Ghalib has reportedly come to an end after Brit discovered sexy texts from another woman on his cell phone. The Daily Mail says

The fallen popstar allegedly flew into a rage, throwing the photographer’s iPhone into her pool after discovering the suggestive messages. An insider [said]: “There were about a dozen (texts) from one girl, all sent in one day. They were pretty saucy stuff with sexual references - certainly not the sort you’d send to a friend. Britney lost it and started yelling. She was demanding to know who sent the texts and shouting, ‘What’s this about? You’re cheating on me.’ Adnan said she was just a friend but Britney got more and more angry. Then she told him, ‘That’s it. It’s over.’”

Additionally, The Sun scored a photograph of the handwritten note Adnan sent to Britney post-fight. It reads:

Bebe, I really miss you lots and lots and lots. Can’t wait till you come home for a milky bowl of soup. Love you always, Adnan

Boy, that Adnan is regular Suckling. Milky soup? Milky soup? There are about five different bodily secretions I can think of that fit that description, and none of them appetizing enough to merit a goddamn bowl. A soupçon or a smattering, maybe, but not a bowl. Unless “milky soup” is code for “cartons of cigarettes and high-calorie coffee drinks,” I don’t see how Adnan’s going to win his way back into her pocketbook with that sort of drivel.

Britney at the Millennium Dance Studio on Friday:

Source: www.derekhail.com

Now before you start bitching that I am insane to even mention the words “fat” and “Adriana Lima” in the same sentence, take a few things into account.  First, Adriana’s mom is a heffer so it’s in her blood.  Second, Brazilian women either stay really hot forever or go downhill fast once they hit 30 (I base this on a study I did when I looked through a Brazilian Magazine for 15 minutes.  It was a very thorough study).  And Finally, I don’t care what you think so shut it.  Adriana Lima does look like she’s put on a few.  Nothing to go crazy about but I just like to point these things out.  C’man, looking at her face you can kind of catch a hint of a double chin.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

After ballooning up a good twenty pounds last year, it looks like Nicky Hilton has hopped on the bulimia band wagon back to Boneysville. How else do you explain those shapely gams of hers? Rawr! Not to mention that you can use her knees to slim jim your car if you’ve locked your keys inside or aerate your lawn in the spring. This would also explain why “giant tool” is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the name “Nicky Hilton.”

Bone Fugs in Harmony last Thursday:

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Amy Winehouse was photographed with some kind of disgusting leprous lump on her face last week. The Daily Mail says

The troubled singer tried to conceal her swollen, bruised left cheek with make-up… but a close friend confirmed… that Amy had made an emergency appointment to see a doctor. A spokesman for Amy told the newspaper: “Amy has been diagnosed with impetigo which she’s been told can be highly contagious. Because of that she’s been put on antibiotics and may have to stay home alone for the next few days.”

While “crusty contagious skin infections” and “Amy Winehouse” go together like peas and carrots, impetigo does not cause swelling. It looks like this, or this, but never like this. The only time your jaw should be that swollen is if your face got caught between the toilet seat and the rim of the bowl during a whiskey-puke or if you’re sitting at the head of a table discussing the fates of the five families.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Yea, the title says it all.  Kate Hudson on a bike is remarkably boring.  Not even sure why I posted it.  She is technically flashing us a bit of bikini so it’s not a total loss.  Unfortunately, she looks as flat as a board and her face looks beat up.  Is this a total waste of a post?  Only time will tell, but yes.  Yes, it is.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Hillary Clinton appeared on Saturday Nite Live over the weekend and showed off her “comedy skills” to the nation. She’s got the personality of a robot. And not a cool robot like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, a shitty robot, like the Lost in Space robot. I’m pretty sure that one day her face is going to fall off during a speech revealing red and blue wires and flashing lights.

Here’s the sketch she was referring to in that clip:

Source: agentbedhead.com

As Matthew McConaughey goes about upon his usual daily routine — exercising in public while shirtless — he doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about the following: (1) He is running directly in the middle of a lane of traffic; (2) Vehicles are indeed driving directly towards his ass. Is the McConaughey impenetrable by moving vehicles? It would appear so.

In some regard, I really do envy the guy’s apparent total apathy about everything, including the fact that his ass could soon be grass. Just look at his blissful state, in which he must certainly be thinking, “Yeah, bitches. Without a shirt, I am INVINCIBLE! ‘Cuz, you know, I made a shitty movie about me not wearing a shirt, and y’all just bought it right up!”

Unfortunately, he would be absolutely correct on that last point. Audiences have plunked down about $60 million thus far to see McConaughey run around shirtless for two hours, and yet here he is, giving it all away for free.

Movie stills from this August’s Surfer Dude show an immutable cinematic forecast: So Easy, No Wonder McConaughey is #1 & Make It A McConaughey Night. The only thing I can gather from this is that winning formulas are not to be fucked with.

Thanks to ASL for the above imagery.