Source: agentbedhead.com

The hottest new Motown-influenced singer, Duffy, will play her first U.S. gig at the this year’s SXSW, and (until space runs out) you can attend for free with a limited entrance ticket to the festival. See the above graphic for contact details. Duffy’s first single, “Mercy,” was released at #1 in the U.K., and it amuses me that several people have emailed me, asking if I’ve heard of her. I’m so not gonna answer that question….

Duffy also has a message for those who’d hope to place her outside of her own realm: Don’t call her the next Dusty Springfield.

Visit Duffy’s MySpace page.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Victoria’s Secret CEO Sharen Turney has decided that the company’s lingerie has become too damn sexy and is calling on designers to pull it back a notch:

“I feel so strongly about us getting back to our heritage and really thinking in terms of ultra feminine and not just the word sexy and becoming much more relevant to our customer,” Turney said Thursday, before inhaling deeply to highlight the plunging cleavage of her black silk bustier with seductive mesh inserts.

That quote might not be entirely accurate. I’m quoting from memory and struggling with some vivid mental images.

In fact, Ms. Turney has good reason to feel so strongly. Limited Brands, the parent company for Victoria’s Secret, saw last quarter’s sales drop 12 percent below the figures for the same quarter in 2006, and holiday sales last Christmas were down 8 percent from the previous year. Excessive sexiness, however, seems like a misdiagnosis of the problem. Victoria’s Secret has been moving in a Pussycat Dolls direction for several years now, and I would venture to guess that many women don’t favor that particular image of their sexy selves. Actually, the word Ms. Turney is groping for isn’t “sexy,” it’s “tacky.” Victoria’s Secret does well selling items that make women feel sexy and drive their partners wild in the bedroom, not so well selling the castoffs from Britney’s 2004 Onyx Hotel Tour. Of course, “What Is Sexy?” is a question with different answers for different people. Your mileage may vary.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

In what’s sure to be the short straw draw for the good folks over at Pajiba, singer-turned-actor Justin Timberlake sports a porn-cheese mustache and a bulging crotch for his role in the upcoming cinematic masterpiece “The Love Guru.” But wait — there’s more! According The Daily Mail

In the comedy, which also stars Mike Meyers and Jessica Alba, Justin plays athlete Jacque Grande who steals the wife of a star hockey player. Meyers plays a love guru called Pitka - an American raised outside of his country by gurus - who returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business.

The Love Guru will open in UK cinemas in July.

If they’d just thrown Jessica Simpson and Jack Black into the mix, “The Love Guru” could have probably ascended to the throne currently held by “Little Nicky” and “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” It’s got all the key elements: hairy crotches, close-ups of the hairy crotches, Jessica Alba, and bulging hairy crotches. Did I mention the hairy crotches? Ha, ha! It’s funny because his swimming suit is really small, there’s a big bulge where the wiener is supposed to be, and he has a seventies’ mustache. I call that the “trifecta of comedy.” Years from now, this movie will be shown in lecture halls to aspiring film students murmuring aloud with wonderment. “Note the low-angle shot on the crotch!” the professor will say. “Dig deeper! Pubes, yes, good, good! We’ve barely scratched the surface!” That’s also probably about the time the super computers become self-aware and start harvesting our bodies for power. The future’s a pretty bleak place.

Source: www.derekhail.com

I hate when unattractive women who wear tons of make up are labeled “hot”.  Ashanti is not hot.  She has sideburns that roll all the way down to her chin, she’s got no shape to her body, and she talks like a foreman at a construction site.  Let’s not forget what she used to look like before the record executives poured Mabeline all over her mug:

That picture used to be spread all over the internet, but it seems Ashanti is trying to make it disappear.  Try searching for it, chances are it will be tough to find.   Face it Ashanti, You’re only as good looking as the bottle of cover up on your counter. P.S. - You’re Ugly.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Lindsay Lohan is always on the prowl for some fresh manhood, and those that fall into her clutches will no doubt experience that awful morning-after feeling that lasts a lifetime. Besides, La Lohan’s mugshot from The Smoking Gun makes her look like the ideal candidate for Miss Hoosegow Honey, and you just know that, in a decade or so, she’ll be missing a few teeth after being forced to substitute crack for her usual cocaine when the boobs go away and her career takes that final trajectory.

So, imagine how badly I felt for our director friend, poor Eli Roth, concerning his recent close-encounter with Lohan:

I was having drinks with a friend at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night, and Lindsay Lohan walked by our booth with a girlfriend, checking us out. She then went out to the bathroom, turned around, came back and walked by us again, and mumbled to her friend “too old,” and kept walking. Now - she’s absolutely correct - but it was still pretty fucking hilarious. Especially since we were in the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel - where the average age is 97. If you look too old in there you’re fucked! Time to hit the Botox!

By the way, Eli is 35 years old and not looking too shabby, unlike LaLohan herself.

Trust me, you’ll get over this horrid moment of rejection, Eli. Your hair may never recover, but you shall.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Don’t expect to see Paula Abdul’s crappy video for “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” on MTV any time soon. According to MSNBC

Not only is MTV not planning to air the video, but no one even submitted the video [for] consideration in the network’s play rotation [in the first place]. “It makes sense that it wasn’t even submitted,” a source told me. “The only thing worse for a star like Paula to not have her video on TV is to have it actually rejected by MTV. You can’t be rejected if you never formally campaign for it.”

Ah, the old “you can’t dump me because we were never dating” trick. It works like a charm, too, unless you’re six and a half months pregnant and screaming it at your ex-boyfriend over the P.A. at a high school basketball game. That way just earns you a slew of unflattering superlatives and a permanent ban from school functions.

Source: www.derekhail.com

If you’re not a Tom Brady fan then this news will just add fuel to the fire.

Tom Brady may soon strip to his skivvies. Calvin Klein Inc. is in talks to turn the hunky Patriots quarterback into an underwear model. LA private eye Paul Barresi says the company is “confident that Brady will blow the competition out of the water.”

So let’s run down a rough example of his resume:

1. Star Quarterback in College
2. Dated a Model
3. Won the SuperBowl
4. Won the SuperBowl Again
5. Knocked Up a Model
6. Won the SuperBowl Again
7. Started Dating Another Model
8. Had a kid with the first model while banging another
9. Had only the second perfect NFL Season Ever
10. Is set to become an Underwear Model

If I could be Tom Brady for just one day I would go on such a Vagina Rampage that the world would never be the same.

Source: www.derekhail.com

What is that?  It looks like Nicky Hilton’s knee is trying to break out of her freaking leg.  Normally with the Hiltons, I would blame it on some kind of STD, but Nicky is supposed to be the clean one.  It boggles my mind.

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Angelina Jolie wrote an op-ed piece for the Washington Post this week stating her belief that the United States is morally obligated to maintain its presence in war-torn Iraq. Us Weekly obtained an excerpt from the article:

“My visit [to Iraq] left me even more deeply convinced that we not only have a moral obligation to help displaced Iraqi families, but also a serious, long-term, national security interest in ending this crisis. Can the United States afford to gamble that 4 million or more poor and displaced people, in the heart of Middle East, won’t explode in violent desperation, sending the whole region into further disorder?”

I have a tremendous amount of respect for Angelina Jolie. While stupid twats like Lindsay and Paris spend their free time and dollars driving drunk and getting mystic tans, Angelina spends millions on behalf of displaced women and children in third world countries. That said, I’m afraid “exploding into violent desperation” is the only thing the Middle East has been good at for the last thousand years, and no amount of American presence is going to change that. Even the relief packages passed out by the soldiers seem to aggravate when they are meant to help. “I see you have brought us medicines and food. But where are the rusty nails for our pipe bombs? Are we expected to flog the victims of rape with these “penicillins” and “freeze-dried carrots?” Surely there is an automatic weapon here for my child!” You’d be better off covered in honey and picnic baskets inside a Yellowstone cave than trying to talk peace into Middle East.

Angie in Baghdad’s “Green Zone” earlier this month:

Source: www.derekhail.com

Janet Jackson was on the Larry King Show and no one noticed, mostly because no one watches it, that Larry did one of the most hilarious things of the year.  He tried to learn how to dance.  I like the part where he yelled “I Don’t Know What I’m Doing!”.

[I tried to embed the player here but gave up after I was thwarted by the internets]

Source: www.yeeeah.com

Sometimes you see things in black and white because the very nature of an absolute truth leaves no room for a middle ground. Other times you see things in black and white because you’re an pretentious idiot in a pair of gigantic bifocal sunglasses. See if you can guess which one Mary-Kate Olsen is.

Source: yeeeah.com

Don’t expect to see Paula Abdul’s crappy video for “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” on MTV any time soon. According to MSNBC

Not only is MTV not planning to air the video, but no one even submitted the video [for] consideration in the network’s play rotation [in the first place]. “It makes sense that it wasn’t even submitted,” a source told me. “The only thing worse for a star like Paula to not have her video on TV is to have it actually rejected by MTV. You can’t be rejected if you never formally campaign for it.”

Ah, the old “you can’t dump me because we were never dating” trick. It works like a charm, too, unless you’re six and a half months pregnant and screaming it at your ex-boyfriend over the P.A. at a high school basketball game. That way just earns you a slew of unflattering superlatives and a permanent ban from school functions.