Source: yeeeah.com

While Jennifer Lopez has been busy pretending she’s not pregnant and promoting her latest crapfest “Brave,” — which barely broke 53,000 copies in its first week, by the way — her label is starting to feel the sting of all the dollars they pissed away on her. MSNBC reports

“She costs too much money and doesn’t sell enough,” says a source close to Epic Records says. “Her last album cover alone cost $60,000 in hair and makeup, lighting, photographers, re-touching, etc. The video budget was in the neighborhood of $300,000.”

And that’s just what it costs to get the album out the door. Lopez performed on “Good Morning America” earlier this month, and “Epic had to eat the cost for that entire performance. From her makeup — which typically costs in the neighborhood of $8,000 per day — to the backup singers, to the rigging, lighting and sound — the woman requires everything short of flying monkeys to get on a stage.” Lopez also appeared on “Dancing With the Stars,” and [the source] estimates that it cost Lopez and her label at least $60,000.

Well, even if her music career is going down the shitter, she still has that acting gig to fall back on, right? Wrong. According to Pages Six

Weeks after her new album tanked and her movie “El Cantante” fell flat, her next film is going straight to video. “Bordertown” – where J. Lo plays a reporter probing the murders of female factory workers in Mexico – will hit video stores in January, reports Moviefone. Co-starring Antonio Banderas, the flick was booed at the Berlin International Film Festival.

Here’s the deal: she had everything just right — safe romantic comedies, bland dance tracks, handsome movie star boyfriend — and then she gets dumped and starts trying to prove herself as a “serious actress” and marries Skeletor and decides she’s going to sing lullabies in Spanish, effectively alienating her preteen Caucasoid demographic without ever truly being embraced by the Latino demographic, because the new Latina Hayneefair sucks bigtime. Has she ever even seen “Sábado Gigante?” First of all, you don’t make it anywhere in the Latin biz without some big fake tits or some seriously big fake tits. Also, spandex is your best friend and a Sharpie doubles as an eyebrow pencil, eyeliner and beauty mark applicator all in one magical package. $4.99 at Office Max is two-thirds of your entire makeup budget right there. Not to mention all the money she could have saved Sony BMG on the production value of her album alone. If she wanted it to sound Spanish, she didn’t even need a bass line in most of the songs. Just kazoos and some tin cans on a string, maybe a little maraca action and a couple of well-timed “ay-yi-yi’s.” And fuck a tour bus! She should have been able to fit her entire entourage plus most of her extended family in a 1974 GMC Vandura. By my calculation that entire transformation should have cost around four hundred and fifty dollars. Next time “Jenny from the Bloque” reinvents herself she needs to do a little more goddamn research.

Hayneefair not being pregnant in LA yesterday:

Source: www.derekhail.com

Jennifer Lopez’s new movie “Bordertown” is allegedly going straight to DVD, which may put the final nail in Jennifer’s coffin considering she had a recent album tank and a recent movie, “El Cantante” bomb. Anyway, according to Page Six,

“Bordertown” – where J. Lo plays a reporter probing the murders of female factory workers in Mexico – will hit video stores in January, reports Moviefone. Co-starring Antonio Banderas, the flick was booed at the Berlin International Film Festival. A rep for “Bordertown” insisted plans for the film are still in limbo.

Bordertown would make a better movie if it was JLo probing into the death of her career. It would be five minutes long, 4 of which would be gratiuitious shots of her ass. Now that’s how you win an award.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Here is Danielle Lloyd in what is the best celebrity Halloween costume of 2007. After judging her costume on several factors including originality, appearance, and slutfactor, I decided that whatever I have to say at this particular moment in time doesn’t matter because you’ve already clicked the thumbnail below since you want to see Danielle Lloyd’s ass. And if you haven’t, get to it.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Here is Christina Milian at the Hypnotiq Halloween party and to be quite honest, I’m terrified. Although I have no idea who or what she’s dressed up as, she has fangs and fangs are just straight up scary because they remind me of needles. I’ve always been a person scared of needles not because of the needle itself, but because most people who operate the needle are completely worthless. I’m sure you know by now how cut and muscular I am and I just wanted to add vascular to the list so if a doctor misses my veins, he’s either blind or an asshole and before I go on too much of a rant, here are the Christina Milian pictures. Does anyone know what she’s dresesd up as?

More Articles:
Avril Lavigne Halloween costume pictures
Paris Hilton Halloween costume pictures

Source: www.derekhail.com

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong arrived at the Rose Bar just after just after midnight on Monday and according to the Daily News, a spy said,

“Ashley and Lance settled in and within minutes, he was whispering in her ear and she was giggling like a schoolgirl. They totally looked like they were on a date.”

Like a schoolgirl? The spy misspoke. She was giggling because she is a schoolgirl. In addition, according to Page Six,

“They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.”

Lance Armstrong is 36 years old and Ashley Olsen is 21. Go Lance! Now if he would just change his last name to Sagsack we would have the new hottest selling porn title. Lance Sagsack Gives Ashley Olsen a Full House. I’ll take two.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Jessica Alba has claimed she would never go nude for a movie role. While you would think it was because of some inner moral standards about appearing naked on film, she says it has to do with her Catholic background. According to Contact Music, Jessica Alba said,

“I will never do a nude scene in a movie – not ever. I can act sexy and I can wear sexy clothes but I can’t go naked. I think I was always very uncomfortable about the way my body developed.”

“I come from a Catholic family and it wasn’t seen as good to flaunt yourself. I can handle being sexy with clothes on but not with them off.”

Wow. This is an absolute shock. We’ve never heard Jessica Alba say how uncomfortable she is with being sexy aside from this one time, and this other time. Leave it to the Church to screw things up. They can make little boys feel sexy but not the girls. Thanks Father McPedophile.

And now here are movie stills from Jessica Alba’s latest movie “Awake.” For someone who doesn’t plan to go nude, she is half-naked in these pictures:

Source: agentbedhead.com

Whoa, slow down there, cowboy. While Jack Nicholson seems to be enjoying a nice game of topless water volleyball and probably woudn’t mind the above photograph, things are not as they appear. It’s a lookalike, baby!

Photographer Alison Jackson’s “faux celebrity shots actually rely on a coterie of celebrity doppelgangers and an uncanny feel for the pop cultural fantasies lurking deep within our tabloid-clogged hearts.” In the November issue of Radar magazine, Jackson admits that sometimes, even the celebrities are fooled by her photos: “Victoria Beckham looked at one photo of mine and said that she couldn’t remember posing for the photograph.” More below:

Royals Behaving Badly:

Sex, Drugs, and Botox:

Pages: 1 2

Source: agentbedhead.com

It’s certainly not what he intended, but “Prison Break” star Lane Garrison will be taking a method acting approach to his role as “Tweener” Apolskis, the pickpocket who was serving a five-year prison sentence. This morning Garrison was sentenced to three years and four months in prison for the drunk driving accident in which 17-year-old Vahagn Setian was killed. Two 15-year-old girls who were also in the car with Garrison survived.

Bad enough that a teenager died because Garrison crashed into a tree while drunk. Nor did it help that he tested positive for cocaine. Also, he bought vodka for the kids and smoked pot with them. Throw in the fact that 26-year-old Garrison had been partying with a bunch of high-schoolers, and this starts to sound like a case of epically poor judgment. He could have received nearly six years for vehicular manslaughter, which is what the boy’s parents wanted. Still, the judge’s sentence (forty months in prison, four years probation, $300,000 in punitive damages) is considerably more than a slap on the wrist. With time served and time off for good behavior, Garrison could be out as early as February 2009, but that still gives him plenty of time to contemplate the extreme stupidity of his behavior. Unless, of course, he decides to make a break for it.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Here are some pictures of Christina Milian in her Halloween costume, because today is Halloween and a time to dress up like an asshole and have a good fucking time doing it, while everyone laughs at each other and you end up going home with the girl dressed like a princess or a dirty cop or a slut to live out some kind of fantasy that on any other day would throw off the girl you’re slamming.

I once asked a girl to dress like an aborted fetus while I dressed up like the “abortion” doctor so that we could live out my abortion fantasy and she wasn’t having it, probably because it was on Valentines Day and because it made her feel uncomfortable, because she had an abortion when she was 17 and never really got over it but I know if I had dropped that shit on her on Halloween, it would have all been gravy, and by gravy I mean fake blood and pussy juice.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I hate fucking hippies. I don’t know why because you’d think we’d have a lot in common, like I don’t really wash, it’s too expensive. Everytime I take a shower I end up using half the bar of soap because I have a huge surface area to cover and on this budget, buying a bar of soap every second or third day just isn’t realistic. I don’t really work or conform to the man or whatever the fuck hippies were protesting. I don’t really have a home but feel like I am living in some kind of commune, but that’s only because my wife takes up 3/4 of the couch and eats all my food. I like to get fucked up, I like bush, I like girls who are sexually liberated enough to fuck in front of me and run around naked….but I still hate fucking hippies.

I guess the reason I hate hippies is because they are full of fucking shit. They are happy go lucky fags who want peace in the world while holding hands and singing drug induced songs of gayness and rainbows and other happy colorful hippie bullshit while trying to make a difference in the world. Like putting an end to the war when war is what fuels the economy, controls population and makes rich people richer and for the most part those rich people who were getting richer from the war were the parents of most of these motherfucking protesting hippies. Because poor people have to work, because when you have no money to eat and you’re struggling, you don’t have time to dance around in fields while spending your nights writing poetry or planning protests and when you were poor in the 60s an 70s you were out getting killed in ‘Nam.

The “Man” financed their trips to San Francisco, their Ivy League educations, the communes they were living in and the drugs they were doing, because their parents just thought it was a rebellious phase and that they’d come around eventually, and they did because most of them are now doctors, lawyers and politicians now, living the life they were shitting on when they were in college living like homeless people on a mission, associating with some movement that really meant absolutely nothing because it was just a group of fucking poser rich kids. and it always comes back to rich kids on drugs rebelling against their parents to throw off my fucking day.

Either way, here is Sienna Miller, someone who I think could still be hot if she wasn’t dressed like a fucking homeless bitch hippie for some movie she’s filming, but at least she’s showing her nipple and more people should be doing that.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Shauna Sand has no ass and that’s the reason why she flaunts her tits everywhere they are go like it’s her last day out with them before they get removed or some shit. I just thought it was because she’s a whore and likes to show off what she thinks are god’s gift to the world, even though got was a $5,000 charge on her credit card. Then I thought maybe she was just a victim of breast implants, where girls who get implants end up going crazy as fuck with their new tits and pull them out everywhere they go, because their relationship is more of one you have with a new car than one you have with your body parts. Now I realize that shit is just a way to divert male attention from the fact that she has no ass at all and she’s more like a hot chick who hangs with fat chicks to make herself look skinnier or like when I go out drinking with bigger drunks than me, because people notice what you want them to.

That said, you all have to realize that today is Halloween, I don’t dress up because I am a downer and find that shit lame and don’t believe in holidays, but I know that if you’re looking for love or to get laid, this is the best time to go for it. All the girls dressed slutty are going to be horny as fuck because dudes have been lookin’ at their asses like they are a brand new fleshlight all day and you already have an opener. All you have to do is go up to whoever it is you’re lookin’ at and comment on their costume, or come up with a costume that you’ve set up to make girls come up to you and talk to you. I know a dude who went as an AIM contact list and had 15 girls lined up to add their contact info on the buddy list. So do something creative and funny and if you follow my advice, you’ll have a great fucking night. But you won’t because you’re just going to stay home and cry yourself to sleep like you do every night, like the poor fucker who takes Shauna Sand home only to realize she’s got kids and when he flips her over to fuck her from behind – that she’s got no ass and will be struggling like he’s on Survivor to get her back on her back so that he can focus on her tits and trick or treat all over her face.