Source: yeeeah.com

Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis were seen leaving Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills earlier this week after celebrating Davis’ birthday. I know he got the nickname “Greasy Bear” for a reason, but God damn this boy is greasy. Like, “dipped in a tank of Crisco” greasy. Or, “I need to Windex my fucking computer monitor” greasy. On the upside, he probably gets to use the Slip ‘N Slide without even turning it on, and that’s pretty sweet.

More photos of Paris looking like she just caught a whiff of the alluring odor of Crisco, sweat, and half a bottle of “Axe” — after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

This promo shot was just released to promote the fourth season of Desperate Housewives, and boy do these ladies ever look amazing! And when I say “amazing” — naturally I mean they rate somewhere between Betty Boop and Jessica Rabbit on the scale of Authentic Looking Women You’d See in Real Life.

It’s times like these, I wish for the sake of humanity that Photoshop was programmed with a “self destruct” feature built in. Whichever copy was used to create this monstrosity probably had to be destroyed after it started smoking and flashing “fatal error” messages.

After the jump, a cold shower of reality with Teri Hatcher and Felicity Huffman at the Badgley Mischka party earlier this week.

Source: yeeeah.com

An unnamed man was seen in Berlin yesterday with this hell spawn slightly resembling actress Christina Ricci. The guy apparently must be impervious to demon attacks, because otherwise he’s either just really brave or really stupid to be standing next to that thing like that. Those sunken dead eyes are chilling me to my core — just looking at them through the screen. The more I stare at it, the more I expect the thing’s grinning jaws to open up and produce a tiny, gnashing Christina Ricci head screaming, “I’ll eat your soul! I’ll eat your soul!” like some sort of horrible nightmare come alive.

More of Jack Skellington’s illegitimate daughter after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

While promoting his new film, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford in Italy this weekend, Brad Pitt told reporters that he and ice queen Angelina Jolie are ready for kid number five. That’s five kids, people. In the space of like less than three years. You do the math. According to People:

“It’s the most fun I have ever had and also the biggest pain in the ass I have ever experienced,” he told reporters at the Venice Film Festival on Sunday. “(But) I love it and I can’t recommend it any more highly.”

When asked by Italian state TV if he and partner Angelina Jolie were ready for a fifth child, Pitt replied: “Yeah, we’re ready.”

Well if they’re ready, they’re ready. Why not? They look about as affectionate and loving together as a cobra cuddling a golden retriever. And nothing says “perfect environment for bringing a child into” like the mental imagery of some poor, dumb dog about to get bit on the ass by a poisonous fucking snake.

More photos of the couple — who are totally not uncomfortable to be touching each other whatsoever — at the Venice Film Festival after the jump.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Jennifer Garner forbade costars from going near her breasts during fight scenes in her latest movie since she was still breastfeeding her newborn child Violet. According to M&C, Jennifer told People,

“It was so down and dirty that I had scratch marks that we had to cover up on my face for the next few days.

“But the guy I was fighting had to stay away from my boobs because I was breastfeeding. That was the one sacred thing. He could go for my head, pull my hair, just not the boobs.

“I gave as good as I got, I even bit his ear. It was great!”

If I were to fight a woman, the first place I’d punch is the boobs. I mean, it’s pretty much illegal for a man to hit a woman, but if I’m about to get my ass kicked, I might as well get a cheap feel. Now, was she worried that she’d damage her breasts or scared that squirting milk in an actor’s eye would be embarrassing? I’ll have to say the latter.

Here are some Jennifer Garner press promo stills. They suck, but at least there are some pictures.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Keira Knightley has admitted she is shocked by celebrities like Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears parading arounnd like drunken sluts everyday of the week. While at the Venice Film Festival, shortly after “Atonement” received “critical acclaim” Keira Knightley revealed,

“I’m not going to get blind drunk and then stumble out and fall over and puke up in front of people

I’m not saying I don’t do that in private, but I try not to… They’re real people proving they’re sluttier than everybody else because they don’t even wear knickers.”

Of course Keira knows how to party in private. Basically, if you get Keira Knightley drunk in the privacy of her home, she’ll be running around naked with a lightsaber trying to cut you.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The *ahem* viral release of these adverts reportedly gave a nice erection to Puma’s sales. However, these ads are not real and come with an assumed disclaimer to Museum Of Hoaxes. Ha!

- Thanx to Kevin Londrie.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The LA Galaxy should probably ready themselves for more of the same after their prized racehorse’s newest injury just benched him for six weeks.

David Beckham will reportedly be putting his fine English ass on the sidelines for the remainder of this soccer season, and this news comes just as he was getting into LA Galaxy fan’s good graces. After a recent collision during a Superliga final, the official diagnosis appears to be a “sprained medial collateral ligament in his right knee.” As if on cue, the talk commences: “Now this latest injury is prompting speculation about his future.” Perhaps this injury couldn’t have been avoided, but it does speak oddly of Beck’s priorities that he trotted over to Germany to play for England last week and then hopped aboard a plane for a Galaxy game less than 24 hours later. Perhaps if he hadn’t hopped into a strenuous schedule so quickly, his timing might have been different and this could be a moot issue. Then again, I don’t know crap about soccer, but I do know that the Galaxy management has engaged in some heavy-handed tactics:

When Galaxy played away to New England, supporters could only get tickets by buying a “Beckham package” which included three other matches or attending in a large group - only to discover that Beckham was not going to play.

And now this. Last night’s clash with Salazar saw Beckham remain face down on the grass for a few seconds before limping to the sidelines.

He made his way to a wall on the sideline, bent over and held on to it before a Galaxy staff member arrived to help him to the bench.

This much is bloody obvious - the guy needs to take some time off and fully recover. It probably doesn’t help his stress level much that Victoria Beckham continues her crusade to become the toast of LA - even after her television special was drubbed as “an orgy of self-indulgence.”

Source: agentbedhead.com

O happy day, for it’s been awhile since some heinous Jared Leto gossip rolled our way, and what follows is one of the many reasons that We ♥ Holy Moly:

A mole’s friend slept with actor Jared Leto a while ago. His favourite sexual position? He asks the woman to lie on her back, close her eyes before announcing: “Lie still and pretend to be dead.”

No big deal, right? Obviously, everyone has their fetishes. At times like these, we would tell Jared Leto that, due to our own fetish, we cannot engage in sex with him without dissolving into peals of laughter. Jared, it’s not your fetish . . . it’s ours.

See also

• Jared Leto Can Destroy Your Will To Live
• Jared Leto Is A Paranoid Freak
• 30 Seconds To Moron
• No Más Tequila For Jared Leto
• A Totally Hetero New Year’s Eve With Jared Leto

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It turns out that I can’t sell an ad deal for this site because the site is basically a genital wart or AIDS lesion on the internet. I never get anything out of anyone, I get rejected for events, I get rejected for interviews, I get rejected for promo CDs, it’s just constant rejection because I guess people just think I am an asshole…or a Joke or both an asshole and I joke. I need to become well liked. I am tired of people hating me and telling other people how creepy I am just because I am a master of internet rape. So I decided that I am going to start touring old folks home and put on shows for them. I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I am pretty shitty in public but I am going to come up with something good. I’ll have a camera crew following me, and by crew I mean some asshole with a cellphone video camera, but it’s going to definitely earn me some serious points in the world…When the old folks tour is over, then I hit up the retard homes, then I am going to schools to talk about safe sex, aids and not doing drugs and then I’ll hit up the prison’s to refine those cocksuckin’ lawbreakers…I will make the world a better place and you’re all going to love me, like the song they all sing on American Idol….

In the meantime….look at Cameron Diaz’s Legs because I’d still do her pre-menopausal ass.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I will get the Gay Blogger his very own login one-day soon, but in the meantime I am forced to write a shitty intro to let you all know that he’s here to make me famous because gay is trendy and because gay bloggers are even more trendy. His name is Julien and this is his magic sauce on Gillian Anderson trying to be sexy with the word Yes next to her, probably in efforts to trick us into thinking we want a piece, when in reality all we really want is that set of tits on the wall behind her in our face…either way here’s Julien.

You know when people try to be sexy but it just doesn’t work? I think this is one of those cases. I mean if you described to me the elements of this photo, take Gillian Anderson, make her look like a chic drug addict and then spread her legs, I would be like, yeah…I know a few people who could jerk off to that. But why did she have to have that giant metal S between her legs? I just don’ think that worked. Now, being a flaming homosexual, I’m probably not the best person to judge, but I really think that only die-hard X-Files fans are going to aroused by these pics.

It’s like how everyone thinks because I’m gay that I’ll fuck any gay person that walks. While this is 90% true, there is still that 10% that I wouldn’t fuck. Like this one time, Marie-Eve had made some friend that she thought would just be PERFECT for me and I was kind of a slow week, so I agreed to meet him. I didn’t want to go on an actual blind date, I’m not a 30 something, chubby, single girl (at least not yet). So I agreed to meet him at this party that everyone was going to. So I’m at the party, just starting to get a little fucked up and this guy walk in. He had a nice body, an ok face but for some goddamn reason he was wearing a fucking mesh tank top. I hate mesh tank tops. Some faggot must have sent out a memo saying that these things are fashionable. But believe me they aren’t. It was a total deal breaker. I took one look at this guy and I laughed and walked away to find more blow.

The point of this tale of faggotry is that the elements of this guy were there but there was just something off. I mean if he had just planned his outfit a little better, he could’ve totally boned me that night. But unfortunately he chose to wear a mesh tank top. He might as well have shown up with a giant metal S between his legs.

Smooch!
Julien

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

It seems Hollywood celebrities endorse everything these days.

It’s crazy. You can’t open a magazine or watch television without seeing them promote some sort of useless product. From clothing to beauty products and even fast food. But you don’t usually see celebrities endorsing candy and you probably never will. (Unless they happen to have one named after them!) It’s one of the only things safe from being recommended by famous A-listers and sports figures.

So I wondered, what if the market for celebrity candy endorsements were hot? Who would represent what candy and why?

Well marvel no more.

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The 100 Grand bar = Tori Spelling. ="4">

But make sure you buy two!

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Dots = Victoria Beckham="4">

They double as nipples!

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Nerds = Dustin Diamond="4">

Because sometimes you don’t grow out of it!

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Mike & Ikes = Mike Tyson, Ike Turner="4">

Even wife beaters love candy!

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Big Hunk = Mr. Big (Chris Noth)="4">

Yes, here I go again with my Mr. Big affections..

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Pop Rocks = Amy Winehouse="4">

For those pop stars that love their rocks!

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Gummi Bear = Jason Davis ="4">

As dubbed by TMZ.com..

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Troll Gummi’s = Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen="4">

Well, duh!

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Sky Bar = Lindsay Lohan="4">

Hollywood doesn’t want to be on the ground!

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Three Musketeers = Lindsay, Britney and Paris="4">

Because without these three, I wouldn’t have a job!

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Wax Lips = Courtney Love="4">

When your real mouth just won’t do!

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I’m off for a long weekend as I’m sure are a lot of you! Enjoy the long weekend and have a fabulous, safe time! ="1">

See you Monday evening!
xoxo -Spicy