Source: agentbedhead.com

Lily Allen attempted to distract herself from a recent arrest by appearing on UK Channel 4’s Friday Night Project looking a wee bit like pop rival Amy Winehouse. While no needle track marks were included in the repertoire, it seems that Miss Lily mustered up the right combination of hair, tattoos, and attitude in this tribute of sorts. Of course, Lily didn’t have to make too far of a stretch, aside from the obvious boobage that Winehouse hasn’t possessed in years. Both chavettes have a recent history of drinking far too much alcohol, kicking the hell out of people in the process, and then refusing to enter rehab. Lily awaits a July court date for assault charges recently filed by a male photographer, while Amy confesses to frequent bouts of punching various people, including her husband, while drunk. At this point, the best cure for both of them would be a boxing ring and an open bar. Mud wrestling optional.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Go catch my Pajibian review of Evening, which features a slutty Claire Danes and more pretentious talk of a woman’s desires than you could ever possibly want.

P.S. Last weekend, I received an interesting email, which stated in part that I should make more explicit statements that I’m part of the staff at Pajiba. While I really don’t know what the fuck that means, I’ll take a wild guess:

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOW. READ.

Source: yeeeah.com

Somebody told me that these were photos taken of Katie Holmes in LA this week, but I didn’t fucking believe it — because this is obviously Michael Jackson. How else do you explain the giant dark sunglasses, surgically unrecognizable alien face, gnarled hands and complete lack of breasts? And furthermore, who else under the age of 85 wears giant, ruffled blouses? It takes a special brand of 50 year old pedophile to be that unfashionable.

More of Michael Jackson Ms. Holmes after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

Horseface McUgly Kimberly Stewart attended the launch for the classily named Pink Taco Restaurant in LA yesterday, wearing some sort of hideous contraption made out of black doilies and electrical tape.

I don’t really have much else to say about this, except that even if you happen to be a gorgeous model — if you procreate with a fuggo like Rod Stewart? This is the best that could possibly happen. The X chromosomes will only take you so far, ladies! And what self respecting supermodel wants a human travesty like this walking around with your genepool stamped all over it? There you have it, a science lesson and a PSA all wrapped into one. You can thank me later, Petra.

More of the Genetic Fiasco after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

Here are some photos of Madonna leaving a Starbucks in New York earlier this week, looking beautiful as ever. Yes, that’s right — beautiful. And when I say beautiful, I mean not at all like a crusty old hag who spends her days crouched over a bubbling caldron casting spells with eye of newt and toe of frog.

What? No! I didn’t say hag! I swear! Please Miss Madonna, I beg for your mercy! Now I kept my end of the deal — I told everyone you were beautiful, so you promised not to turn me into one of Paris Hilton’s genital warts. Dammit.

More of Madonna — a radiant vision of gorgeousness, after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

Britney Spears, fresh on the heels of alienating just about everybody in her life, turned her legal dogs on her own mother last week. People magazine reports

On Thursday, Spears was snapped by paparazzi handing her mother a request from an out-of-state lawyer… asking that Lynne stay away from Spears’s sons Sean Preston, 1, and Jayden James, 9 months, if she is taking any medications that might cause her to be impaired. “I’m praying for her right now,” [Britney] said. “[I hope] she gets all the help she needs,”

Lynn Spears, who was picking up groceries at a local store on Sunday, said that “hopefully” daughter Britney will make it to a family cookout for the Fourth of July holiday. “Everything is going to be fine,” Lynn Spears [said] while shopping. “I’ve got a strong family, and everything is going to be fine.”

I’m pretty sure having Britney Spears “pray for you” actually hurts your case rather than helps it. I’ve always pictured prayer requests like a busy telephone switchboard, Jesus at the helm in a head mike punching buttons and repeating, “Thank you for calling the Holy Trinity. We appreciate your time. Your prayer will be answered in the order it was received.” Jesus probably saw that one particular set of blinking lights on the board and had to go and tell God, “Look, man, I hate to bother you, but Chubsy is at it again. Something about her poor mother and not being a fatass anymore. Oh, and something about a yeast infection, I think. I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening.” That’s when God would shake his head and mouth “Tell her I’m not here!” “No, wait, tell her I’m dead!” and then “Fine. Hit her up with another bout of cystic acne and tell her and her stupid prayers to fuck off.” Then Jesus probably gave him a high five and went back to sliding down rainbows with Mother Teresa and Bob Hope and a herd of koala-unicorn hybrids. Heaven is going to be pretty awesome!

More of Britney at Les Deux and chihuahua shopping after the jump

Source: www.derekhail.com

Pamela Anderson, who is about to turn 40, has recently admitted to wearing a “Baywatch” skin-tight swimsuit on special occasions for her boyfriends. According to M&C, Pamela Anderson said,

“I just think thank God I made it. I look back on the last 10 years and I have to say I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. I raised two beautiful children and I’ve been married a couple of times and survived.

“A lot of women my age don’t have kids yet, they’ve never been married or experienced some of the fun things I have. When there’s something I’m scared of and I do it, it’s always life changing and it feels good. I never have any regrets.”

I’m not one to determine whether or not a forty year old woman should have regrets, but if she has a sex tape, she done screwed up. A goal in every mother’s life is to make sure your children don’t have the opportunity to see you getting railed on a boat by some dirty rock star. Mothers should be setting an example for their children, unless they want their daughter running up to them with a video camera yelling “Look Ma. Just like you!”

Source: www.derekhail.com

It has been confirmed, the 22 year old pop-singer Lilly Allen, who was plastered all over your local Starbucks, has been arrested for allegedly assaulting a paparazzi. According to the Daily Mail,

The incident took place in March after Allen left a party she was hosting at The Wardour club in London.

So, next time you’re enjoying a cup of coffee over some poor conversation, you better not say the wrong thing. You never know if Lilly is hiding in the couch cushions ready to super kick you to the face.

Source: www.derekhail.com

Jodie Sweetin, Stephani Tanner from “Full House,” made an appearance at the Pink Taco restaurant showing off her set of cleavage. Given her past alcohol and drug addiction, I understand her desire to be open, but I’m pretty sure that when you go to rehab and the counselor tells you to be more open with your loved ones, they don’t mean your chest. I mean, I’m sure she loves them, but the counselor most definitely meant family.

Source: www.derekhail.com

With the Nicole Richie pregnancy rumor running rampant, 24 Sizzler has learned that Nicole is allegedly shopping for wedding dresses. According to 24 Sizzler (via TMZ),

“She’s shopping around for a wedding dress,” a loose-lipped 24Sizzler.com informant reveals. “She’s calling around looking for a dress, and asking stylists for help.”

This wouldn’t be the first time a woman walked down the aisle with a baby. The wedding seems to have kids in mind because I’m sure Joel Madden plans on playing the role of the flower girl. He’s such a little bitch.

Source: agentbedhead.com

This image lends the feeling that Tori Amos was onto something with “Little Amsterdam” other than the entire realm of metaphorical domination.

Source

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Mom, is that you? I know that I am pretty slow moving today and that you’ve already left your shitty jobs to go home to spend you shitty weekend with your shitty friends and your shitty family and maybe if you’re lucky you’re shitty girlfriend will put out but reality is that you probably don’t have a shitty girlfriend you just have a shitty sex drive that isn’t shitty because it’s not raging, but shitty because you can’t do anything about it so that it hangs over your shitty head like a fucking demon you can’t get rid of because jerking off bored you and you already do it 3 times a day.

Rosie Perez was never a woman I wanted a piece of, I am only throwing this pictures up so you can see what aging does to a face as well as what it does to a set of big ol’ titties that are hanging so hard they are stretching the shit out of her skin leaving stretch marks, like a teenage girl who has grown up on genetically modified food who’ grew to a D-Cup overnight, only the opposite, because a teen with a new set of natural D’s is a beautiful thing, where as an older mexican slag with big fat tits hanging off her frame like an anorexic girl’s uterus hangs out of her box isn’t.

As the only mexican blogger, other than Perez, but he’s gay so he doesn’t count as a real person, I feel it’s my duty to properly represent my people. I know that won’t stop you from doing whatever it is you do to these pictures because you’re a pervert and these pics are the closest thing you can get to pussy.