Source: yeeeah.com

In an effort to make Paris Hilton’s jail time as meaningless as possible, L.A. authorities have hand-selected a non-violent offender to be her cell mate and issued a stringent list of instructions regarding her treatment. TMZ says:

Jailers were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton’s stay… [and] are already conducting searches of anything electronic — they are prohibiting cameras, cellphones and the like. A memo has gone out to the staff, warning them that anyone who takes pictures of Paris will be disciplined — i.e., fired. A “written protocol” has already been prepared especially for Paris’ stay, detailing “when and how things should be done for her.”

Things like “duration of each ass kiss” and “how much nose-to-crack ratio is preferable,” I guess. Christ. That doesn’t sound anything like the female incarceration documentaries I watched last week. Nobody held the hand of Maria de Guerra in “Frauengefängnis.” They did unbridle her insatiable lust, though. And what about the girls in “Caged Heat?” The didn’t have any big fancy lawyers to get them out of jail in half the time. All they had were their “white-hot desires melting cold prison steel.”

More of Paris Hilton en route to a recording studio after the jump

Source: yeeeah.com

“American Idol’s” Paula Abdul is the epitome of emotional stability. According to Page Six:

In a sob-filled audio tape.. Paula Abdul is captured having a meltdown during a recent conference call. [She said] “I’ve been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time… And I’ve never in my entire career been treated this way. I don’t understand how [former publicist Howard Bragman] can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

Indeed. I’ve never spoken with this Bragman fellow personally, but I do know that I’ve never heard those particular words used to describe Paula Abdul. It’s usually just “retarded” or “incoherent” or “dumber than a bowl of fucking mice.” But I must admit that “whiny loser bitch” has a certain “je ne sais quoi” to it. Just like “lunatic saggy tits” and “ball sniffer.”

Source: yeeeah.com

Enjoy the above clip of Lindsay Lohan giggling like a stupid twat while advising against the dangers of drinking and driving. Sure, the clip’s two years old, but now you can officially add hypocrisy and the powerful painkiller OxyContin to the ever-growing list of Lindsay Lohan’s vices. Her estranged father tells E! Online:

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I’m satisfied they are… helping her detox from the [OxyContin]. And I learned they use the 12-step program, which includes a lot of lessons based on God’s teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life.”

Michael explained that after the detox period for alcohol and opiates, Lindsay would receive treatment and counseling for other drugs, including cocaine. He also said he wanted to make sure Lindsay would be getting religious counseling.

Well, Jesus might not mind tossing a drug-using drunkard a bone, but even the Savior draws the line at helping hypocrites. You remember the Seven Woes of the Pharisees (from Matthew 23):

[Jesus said] “Woe to you… you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean… you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

Has a more apt description of LiLo ever been written? Except for the “beautiful on the outside part,” I mean. My “Jesus for the Modern Teen” Bible offers this more contemporary translation: “You’re pathetic, you stupid skank! You are like the strippers at Scores, which have big tits on the outside but on the inside are full of cigarette butts and the spunk of countless men.” Thus saith the Lord!

Source: yeeeah.com

I always knew there was something “off” about Eva Longoria, but until now I could never put my finger on it. She’s got that perfect svelte “no breasts or hips” look down, yet doesn’t look malnourished or emaciated whatsoever. But seeing these photos finally made it click — Eva Longoria is really a 10 year old boy! In fact, I’m pretty sure she is actually that kid from the Air Bud movies.

You can starve a lady down to get rid of those “womanly parts,” but God forbid the viewing public sees a little sternum. The only way to get around that is to find a small boy; and slap a wig, false eyelashes and heels on him. And, presto! You’ve got the perfect woman.

More photographic evidence after the jump. But don’t even think about getting off on them, people, or I will call up Chris Hansen so fast your head will spin.

Source: www.derekhail.com

April Scott, at the grand opening of a Diesel store, is definitely a crowd grabber. I don’t like Diesel or people that wear it, but if I would have known April Scott was making appearance and showing off a decent amount of cleavage, I would have waited on line for days. But, I didn’t know about it, and now I’ll have to settle for April Scott pictures instead.

April Scott at Dukes of Hazard 2 DVD release
April Scott pictures
April Scott lingerie pictures

Source: www.derekhail.com

Lindsay Lohan, who has checked herself into Promises rehab facility recently, has allegedly attempted to kill herself on several occasions. According to Star, an insider said,

“She grabbed a knife and started cutting at her wrists. A friend made her stop.”

“Lindsay needs to go back into rehab, then spend time soul searching and getting to the roots of her problems. These emotional breakdowns she has are getting worse, and one of these days, she really will kill herself.”

At this point, the best thing for Lindsay Lohan would be a mandatory jail sentence. They are pretty strict in jails and won’t let inmates have knives to graze across their wrists. This is obviously the best course of action.

Lindsay Lohan desires privacy in rehab
Lindsay Lohan: “I have my first sex scene.”
Lindsay Lohan nipple slip
More Lindsay Lohan

Source: www.derekhail.com

In a recent interview with Parade magazine, Jessica Alba has revealed that she hates the paparazzi. She said,

“I could give two shits about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”

I wonder what she has to say about celebrity bloggers…

Jessica Alba’s nipples are hard
Jessica Alba needs to be spanked
Jessica Alba exposes her inner thoughts
More Jessica Alba

Source: agentbedhead.com

More proof that Kevin Federline’s career shall outlast that of Britney Spears, y’all . . .

Kevin Federline somehow managed to convince director David Ayer to give him a part in an upcoming film starring Keanu Reeves. Not that Ayer has a stellar record of casting success, for at one point in time, he thought Vin Diesel was an incredibly talented actor. Yet I digress.

Night Watch, starring Keanu Reeves and Forrest Whittaker, will feature Federline in a “small but notable” role. Keanu will play a veteran LAPD cop that gets framed for the death of a fellow officer. Since the film’s still in its pre-production stages, no one is quite sure what sort of role Federline has secured, but we’re betting that either “Pizza Hut Delivery Guy” or “Party Crew Member” wouldn’t be an entirely inaccurate description.

Be excellent, Kevin.

Source: agentbedhead.com

These days, one must certainly be a die-hard fan of Morrissey to go see the original emo in concert. Yet even these devotees can’t stomach his tradition of tearing his shirt off onstage:

“At the end of the day, Morrissey isn’t the slim young thing he once was and actually has a bit of a middle-aged spread these days.

“A large percentage of fans now actually feel rather embarrassed when he insists on stripping off as it isn’t a particularly pretty sight.”

So is the tearing off of the shirt symbolic of Morrisey’s psychic anguish? Even if this is the case, one cannot overlook the physical reality of forty-eight year old man boobies. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it.

Source

Source: agentbedhead.com

The usually stylish Kate Moss was photographed yesterday wearing Pete Doherty’s special brand of chic: black trilby hat, skinny trousers, and black masculine boots. All that she’s really missing is the tourniquet hanging off one pale, unexercised arm. Oddly enough, it seems that Kate was headed to a fashion shoot in East London. Perhaps she wanted to fit in with the street types.

Kate has mirrored Pete’s style before and has been snapped pairing one of his hats with an ugly fur coat. When she dated Johnny Depp in the mid-90s, Kate adopted the grungy yet sleek black leather look as well:

Kate really should have stuck with Johnny Depp, although those were his alcoholic rage years, so perhaps he got too boring for her. Such is life.

Source

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It turns out that I won Best Blog in the Montreal Mirror Best Of Montreal awards. I don’t really know how I feel about this kind of local recognition, but it is a changing day in my life.

I guess the first thing I’d like to say is that I posted that picture they ran of the kid trying on his mom’s bra as a joke because it made me laugh. It reminded me of when I used to hang with a kid who turned out ‘mo later in life. Dude was always trying on dresses, bras, make-up and shit and I never wanted to take part in the fun. I didn’t post the picture because I am into little kids wearing bras.

The second thing I’d like to say is that being outed to the city you live in as a blog or a blogger is fucking embarrassing. Blogs are for losers and are written by losers and usually those losers aren’t my kind of loser. They are virgins, they are techy, they are lonely and feel like they have something to tell the world and that no one around them is listening. I am just a guy without a job and an addictive personality. Doing this is cheap, it keeps me out of trouble and I don’t usually drink all day because it gives me some sense of purpose. So admitting that I am a blogger is almost humiliating and would much rather be known as a drug dealer or homeless dude on the street….

That said, Montreal is a pretty small city, but the people in Montreal seem to love it. I am sure that not a lot of people voted, I am sure that not a lot of people even know my blog or will even check out the blog, but coming in first for a guy who has always come in last is a pretty funny turn of events and made me laugh a little.

I do think I deserve it. I am pretty sure I put more time into this shit than any normal person would and I still think that my site is better than most, even though I constantly put it down. I assume some of you voted for me and that was pretty cool of you. I know cool is not commonly used to describe you, but we’ll let it slide this time….asshole.

Since my winning Best of Montreal doesn’t deserve a post of it’s own, here are some pics of a tall Adriana Lima at some Dance For Tolerance event that sounds pretty fucking gay to me but I guess dancing for a cause is the whole reason strippers exist. Like that shitty ironic t-shirt says “I support single moms”. By the looks of Lima’s foot tattoo, she’s probably in a Brazilan gang and it’s safe to say not a virgin…

Source: www.celebritysmackblog.com

Paula Abdul recently told a group of publicists during a conference call that she had been treated unfairly by her publicist, Howard Bragman.

According to the New York Post, Bragman mysteriously stopped working for Abdul earlier this month.

Paula told the group, “I’ve never been treated this way and I’ve never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. All I’ve ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I’m tired of it.”

Paula also said that her former publicist called her a “whining bitch”.

“I don’t understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I’ve never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser.”

She went on to state that Bragman said she was “too old” to do cover shoots, and that he wasn’t there when she needed him.

“Howard Bragman, he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man.”

Paula went on to tell the publicists that she’s “been going through a difficult time” and explained to them her medical problems with Addison’s Disease.

So what does Bragman have to say for himself?

“I’m not going into it. I’ll stand by my reputation if she’ll stand by hers.”

Source & Source

Labels: Celebrity Feuds, Celebrity Victims, Paula Abdul