Source: agentbedhead.com

The Motion Picture Association of America has implemented a “severe” penalty against Dark Films for its so-called accidental use of disgustingly graphic billboards for the upcoming Elisha Cuthbert film, Captivity. For the first time in MPAA history, a film has received one-month suspension of its MPAA rating:

The MPAA’s action against After Dark Films’ pending release was in response to the ad display of a woman’s torture and death in Los Angeles and New York, which the MPAA disapproved as inappropriate for general public viewing, the association said in a news release.

“The sanctions in this case are severe because this was an unacceptable and flagrant violation of MPAA rules and procedures,” said Marilyn Gordon, Senior Vice President of Advertising.

In addition, when Captivity becomes eligible for a rating on May 1st, it will not be allowed any priority scheduling. That’s gotta suck, but boy, I’ll bet it feels mighty empowering.

Source

Source: yeeeah.com

Little known fact about Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” — the fabled white whale apparently eluded Captain Ahab by festooning itself in camping tents and sunburning itself to a nice rosy red. Pretty clever, for an albino sperm whale. The sunglasses are a nice touch. You don’t often see a Physeter macrocephalus in a pair of Ray-Bans and a muu-muu. You know, from far away, Moby Dick kinda looks like Kelly Clarkson. Of course, Moby Dick has smaller hips and a much more winning smile, but if you squint really hard and close one eye, I think you’ll see the resemblance. “There she blows!–there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!”

More of Moby and friends after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

If you’re wondering why you haven’t seen porn star Jenna Jameson’s snatch here lately, it’s because she’s gone and ruined it. TMZ reports:

Jenna Jameson hasn’t been showing up to meetings with Hollywood bigshots who want to make her best-seller “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star” into a movie, but she’s got a very private reason for flaking. A source [says] that Jameson’s had a little work done “down there” and that is hasn’t turned out so well. “She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody,” says the source.

She decided to “hole up?” Ah ha ha hah ha! How droll! What about, “She decided to clam up?” Or “box herself in?” Or my personal favorite, “Cave-bacon bat-wing meat-curtain herself … um… VAGINA!” High five!

UPDATE: In response to the story above, I received the following statement from Jenna (via her publicist): “I’ve dealt with vicious gossip my whole life and it’s sad that it still continues. As for the report that I have missed important business meetings for the movie about my life: I’m happy to say that negotiations to produce the film version of my best-selling book, “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star,” are very much alive. Bringing my autobiography to the big screen would be the ultimate fulfillment of a dream, and I take all business dealings very seriously. I look forward to making an announcement when we have a deal to discuss.”

More of Jenna at the 2 B Free show on March 19th.

Source: yeeeah.com

Singer Courtney Love has gone under the knife again in an attempt to look more “natural.” The Post-Chronicle reports:

Courtney Love has undergone a second rhinoplasty procedure to enlarge her nose and [have] her previously enlarged lips reduced. Courtney wrote on her blog: “I have my old nose back. I hated that nosejobby nose, it was like a little beak. I’ve had my nose fixed. It looks like the one God gave me so I’m happy not to have crazy lips and a crazy teensy unnatural little nose. All I care about is that my self esteem is limitless and intact, and that nothing and no situation affects my self esteem.”

So Courtney Love has self-esteem? How did that happen? I figured she was a self-mutilator always a bottle of whiskey away from blowing her own head off. You know, on account of the pastiness and ugliness and everything. All ugly people are self-destructive and suicidal, right? I wouldn’t really know, because I’m so fucking gorgeous. Seriously, this one time a little boy with epilepsy touched my face and he was healed. And I’m pretty such my vagina is a portal to immortality. Just ask my ex-husband — I fed him arsenic for a year straight and the bastard still didn’t die. Beauty as powerful as mine can be such a burden sometimes.

Source: yeeeah.com

Newly “svelte” Courtney Love hit the beach last week in yet another unfortunately tiny bathing suit. I didn’t think anyone could steal the skin-to-spare crown from Star Jones, but as you can see, Courtney’s definitely in the running. Right behind the Australian Frilled Lizard and the Shar Pei. So much skin, so little surface area to cover!

More of Courtney and her never-ending epidermis after the jump.

Source: www.derekhail.com

“Michael finds out what real black people look like.”

Michael Jackson isn’t planning on taking sick days. The King of Pop is working hard on a comeback album. He has even commissioned Will.I.am (asshole for William) of the Black Eyed Peas. Isn’t this his 5th comeback album? You don’t comeback from sucking. Anyway, Jackson’s rep, Raymone Bain, had this say:

In response to media inquiries, Mr. Michael Jackson is not currently in the hospital nor has he been hospitalized with pneumonia.

Of course he isn’t sick. Plastic Jack doesn’t have enough human capabilities to house disease, just little boys.

I’m just that kind of jerk, guest post by: OverAdulthood

Source: www.derekhail.com

“If we all use credit cards, we don’t need money anymore and we will all be free from money.”

Bono has received knighthood for all the good he has done in Africa. You won’t be able to call him “sir” because he still isn’t a British citizen. What boggles my mind is that he is from Ireland and I thought the Irish resented the British for the years of abuse. I guess “Bloody Sunday” is only a song to sing when drunk. Tony Blair had this to say:

I’ll leave it to others far more knowledgeable than me to talk about U2’s music - all I’ll say is that, along with millions of others right across the world, I’m a huge fan.

Someone is fishing for an autographed photo! Bono had this to say:

An award like this actually really helps me get through a few doors I wouldn’t get through and that’s the truth, that’s the way the world is.

I wonder how Bono calling to speak to a world leader would go, something like this:

Bono: Hi, this is Bono?
Secretary: Who?
Bono: Bono from U2. Can I speak to Mr. Humugabe (president of Africa)
Secretary: Hold Please. (Switches to president’s line) Sir, Bono is on the phone.
Humugabe: Who?
Secretary: Bono from U2. They sing that song, “Beautiful Day.” They have that guy who still calls himself the Edge. Bono is a knight now.
Humugabe: Oh he is? Tell him this: I DON’T NEED SOME ASSHOLE FROM A BAND TELLING ME HOW TO RUN AFRICA!

Guest post by: OverAdulthood

Source: www.derekhail.com

Paris Hilton has allegedly violated her probation and faces a maximum sentence of 90 days in prison. Even though her driver’s license had been suspended, she was caught speeding down Sunset blvd on February 27th in her 2007 Bentley Continental GTC. Paris Hilton’s rep, Elliot Mintz, previously stated that Paris Hilton was unaware of her suspended license. However, on Thursday, March 29th, Nick Velasquez, a spokesperson for the City Attorney’s office has claimed otherwise. According to People, Nick said,

“We have sufficient evidence to prove that Hilton had knowledge of the suspension, and yet continued to drive.”

Paris Hilton in jail? What about the convicts? Do they honestly deserve such a grim fate?

Source: www.derekhail.com

Linday Lohan was out getting her nails done the other day. She might just be called Lindsay Slohan because she forgot to wear a bra. Did she forget that people can see everything? The sad part is that no one got a picture of her hands and toes after she got them done. I can imagine when they asked her for her nails, she went to Home Depot.

Guest post by: OverAdulthood

Enjoy Yo’self:

Source: agentbedhead.com

We’re only three months into 2007 and already it’s shaping up as one of those legendary cinematic years like 1939, when Gone with the Wind, The Wizard of Oz, Ninotchka, and The Rules of the Game all hit the screen. So far this year we’ve already had 300, and the Grindhouse twofer is opening next week. And just two weeks after that The Tripper opens, featuring Zombie Ronald Reagan dismembering hippies with an axe. This is David Arquette’s first venture as a director (although he’s a veteran of some fairly nifty horror/schlock films, like the Scream trilogy and Eight-Legged Freaks), and it’s been suggested by some, including Arquette himself, that the film is a dark satire on the Reagan years and Republicans in general. Regardless of the director’s intent, I expect to enjoy this as much as I enjoyed watching Leonidas hacking up Persians. The fact is, Arquette seems to go back and forth on the deeper meaning of The Tripper. I did like his comment from this interview: “I… became a Grateful Dead parking lot crasher and made it up to an amazing concert, Reggae on the River, and it was there that I thought it would be great to see all these hippies massacred.”

(Via Hot Air.)

Source: agentbedhead.com

This busty blonde provides a highly unlikely scenario at Sega’s Virtua Tennis 3 Launch in London. These gratuitous images are only more proof that Nothing Sells Expensive Crap Like a Nice Pair of Boobies. ‘Tis a shame that that Salma and Scarlett weren’t available for the job, but more images of blondie are available under the fold . . .

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Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I know the only girls you’ve ever had were putting up a fight. I know that anything that you try to reference when jerking off conisists of memories of girls in the fetal position or covering their faces in fear of what you are going to do next, not because you are a sexual predator or rapist, but because you are you, and your look alone is enough to make a girl question what the fuck she’s about to let you do to her.

Pam Anderson, a girl who gave hope to big breasted blonde chicks worldwide that there was more to life than being a stripper, and that looks alone could have let you fuck rockstars, get hepatitis, , and live the high life while keeping your porn star look without actually being a pornstar, except for in your own tape, but that doesn’t count. What does count is that she’s covering up her tits and hiding her catchers mitt of a face for the camera. I can only assume she’s scared of her nipples making their way back on to the internet, even though we’ve already seen them. Or maybe she’s hiding the fact that she’s a busted old pick-up truck. I’ve learnt the hard way at strip clubs that if you build your career on your looks and you get old, there’s not much let for you to do than work the bar and serve me some fucking drinks old timer…