Source: agentbedhead.com

Just click it, bitches. Click it good.

This is gonna be one hell of a wait, so much that I’d better get some free Tarantino kisses during the intermission’s double feature.

Source: yeeeah.com

Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson was arrested this morning in Arizona for cocaine posession and driving under the influence. TMZ reports:

… Tyson told [the arresting officer that] he had been using illegal substances in the past few days. Cops say they stopped Iron Mike after he ran a stop sign and almost almost crashed into a sheriff’s vehicle around 1:45 AM. Police say Tyson was cooperative and acted like a gentleman.

By “acted like a gentleman,” I guess the cops meant “didn’t force his penis into anyone’s vagina or bite off somebody’s ear.” A regular cavalier, that Mike Tyson. He should really carry around a perfumed hanky and start wearing a boutonniere on his lapel. Maybe a top hat and gilded cane, too. And they say chivalry is dead. I guess they just haven’t met Mike Tyson.

Source: yeeeah.com

Too bad Christmas is over, because I just found the gift of a lifetime.  A genius on eBay created his very own “Paris Hilton toilet paper” — black and white images of the heiress printed on your regular run-of-the-mill Charmin.  Although the auction ended earlier today, you could always scoop up that “Paris Hilton douche bag and tubing” I saw at the mall last week.  Because nothing says “vagina funk” and “not-so-fresh feeling” quite like Paris Hilton. 

Source: www.derekhail.com

Mike Tyson once said, “What did you think I was going to do” in response to an inquisitive question given to him by a reporter. Now, Mike was arrested for possession of cocaine and suspected to be influenced by the substance while driving. According to People,

“He showed signs of impairment and voluntarily submitted to field sobriety tests,” Hall said. During those tests, Tyson showed “more signs of impairment” and was arrested.

He probably wasn’t even impaired. He was just being himself. A man who is better known for his ridiculous quotes and fighting talent can’t be expected to perform correctly in daily life. So, as a tribute, here are some of my all time favorite Mike Tyson quotes.

• “I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.”
• “I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I’m going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain.”
• “It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”
• “Reporter: “They determined that you were suffering from depression, low self-esteem, and that you had problems with anger management. How have you tried to address those problems?” Tyson: “That’s all they said was wrong with me?”
• “My power is discombobulatingly devastating; I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”

Mug Shot Source: Dlisted

Source: www.derekhail.com

Is it me or did Jessica Simpson gain some serious weight? Here I thought Jessica should have cut out all of her desire to become an actress and jsut walk around in a bikini, but at this point, I’m going to have to completely deny I have ever said that.

P.S. I can’t wait for the New Years to be over because it is absolutely slow and boring in Hollywood during the Holidays. And, I would still love to see nude pictures of Jessica Simpson

picture source: icydk

Source: www.derekhail.com

Paris Hilton, while in Sydney with Kim Kardashian, decided to shower after a day at the beach. However, does anyone else see a tint of gold in the water or is that just the sand’s reflection? Whatever the case, Paris in a bikini getting any kind of shower is mildly amusing because no matter how much she washes up, she’s still dirty.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Sorry, pervs, but this story isn’t about Britney’s whorish sex life. No doubt we’ll have plenty of opportunities to discuss that in the coming year. Instead, Britney deserves some small credit for doing something nice. According to Starpulse News, Brit is sponsoring a four-year-old Balinese orphan named Wang who lost his family in the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami. Starpulse quotes an anonymous source who says:

She instantly wanted to help him and is sponsoring him until she can find out more. And she has even written to officials seeking advice. The tsunami disaster was a tragedy very close to Britney’s heart and she has dedicated a lot of her time to its charities.

So far, so good. But the next twist in the story lets you know that this is a good deed performed by Britney Spears, not a normal, somewhat intelligent person: Britney wants to adopt the kid. In fact, if you can believe Starpulse’s unnamed source, “She is even in talks with Madonna about it and is taking it very seriously.? And that makes sense. Because, when your “Girls Gone Wild? lifestyle is such a global joke that your most committed fans are shutting down their websites, and your sleazeball ex has you locked in a custody battle that he might actually win, it’s important to bring more kids into the picture. I was never that impressed by Britney’s singing and dancing, but the Zen Master levels of idiocy she keeps displaying are truly a wonder to behold.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Please excuse this rare political moment on a matter of importance:

Ohhhhh, what a world, what a world.

Guardian Unlimited reports that Saddam Hussein will hang at approximately 3am GMT or 10pm EST.

Image via the lovely and talented Raven.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Source: yeeeah.com

Aussie pop star Kylie Minogue says that she and boyfriend Olivier Martinez like getting freaky in the bedroom.  She reveals to the Post-Chronicle:

“Sex is the most natural thing in the world. When I’m in a relationship, I like lots of it. I like to be swept off my feet. But I do have a very low boredom threshold.  [Oliver and I] talk a lot on the phone and it can get quite steamy – we miss each other. The bills are quite high, but that’s the way we communicate with each other.”

You know how I “communicate” with my spouse?  Throwing my gin and tonic in his face when he gets too close to my “special place.”  And I’ve found that the fetal position really says more than any words ever could.

Source: yeeeah.com

Aussie pop star Kylie Minogue says that she and boyfriend Olivier Martinez like getting freaky in the bedroom.  She reveals to the Post-Chronicle:

“Sex is the most natural thing in the world. When I’m in a relationship, I like lots of it. I like to be swept off my feet. But I do have a very low boredom threshold.  [Oliver and I] talk a lot on the phone and it can get quite steamy – we miss each other. The bills are quite high, but that’s the way we communicate with each other.”

You know how I “communicate” with my spouse?  Throwing my gin and tonic in his face when he gets too close to my “special place.”  And I’ve found that the fetal position really says more than any words ever could.

Source: yeeeah.com

Ladies, if you’re over thirteen and currently wearing a rhinestone studded t-shirt like Mariah Carey here at the Aspen Peak magazine fête, I’d suggest you just go ahead and drink some Drano or maybe slit your wrists or something. Because, to be quite honest, everybody hates you. And I do mean everybody. Those girls at work you keep telling yourself are “just jealous?” They’re laughing at you. Deep down you know it’s true. Guys only acknowledge you because rhinestones are pretty much the universal badge of low self-esteem and insecurity. They’re like a big, glittery, stretched too-tight showing-too-much-stomach red X marking a treasure chest. Only instead of a treasure chest, the X marks your vagina. Sorry about that. I don’t make the rules.

Now guys, if you happen to be over thirteen and currently wearing a rhinestone-studded t-shirt, well, I’m sure the bruises will fade over time, and dentists can always make you new teeth.

More Missy Elliot inspired outerwear after the jump.