Source: yeeeah.com

Brian De Palma’s noir movie “The Black Dahlia” opened the 63rd Venice Film Festival on Wednesday as its 21-year-old star Scarlett Johansson paraded down the red carpet in a vintage silk gown. She looked absolutely gorgeous in that dress but it didn’t show lots of cleavage. I understand why critics found it difficult to concentrate on the movie following her raunchy scene with Josh Hartnett because they are supposed to concentrate on the movie, not the boobies. But why the hell did she hide her gorgeous assets on the red carpet? On the red carpet, we’re supposed to concentrate on the stars and their boobies, not on the carpet.

More pics after the jump.

Source: yeeeah.com

There is still no proof that Suri Cruise exists, but at least her fecal matter does. Daniel Edwards, the artist behind the sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth, unveiled a bronze sculpture of Suri’s first poop yesterday and it’s now up for sale on eBay.

“Babies mostly breastfeed for the first four months, so a baby’s first meal of solid food may be a baby’s first meal at the dinner table,” said David Kesting, director of Capla Kesting Fine Art. A bronzed cast of baby’s first poop can be a meaningful memento for the family.”

Some people want to buy a celebrity shit. Okay. Some people want to buy a bronze sculpture of a celebrity shit. Mmm, okay. But why would people want to buy a bronze sculpture of the shit of a celebrity baby that doesn’t even exist. Why?

Source: yeeeah.com

The famous Latin quotation from Juvenal says, “Mens sana in corpore sano.” It translates as “A healthy mind in a healthy body.” If he lived today and he saw Jessica Biel leaving her yoga class, he would have said: “Mens sana in asse sano.” Do I need to translate?

More pics after the jump.

Yoga & Pilates - What’s the difference

Source: yeeeah.com

Let me tell you something: sadly, nobody watches the VMA’s for the awards. No, people watch the show for its lame skits, nearly naked attention whores, (sometimes) funny speeches and those embarrassing bad dance numbers. The VMA’s usually keep me entertained for thirty minutes or so, but this year was a total waste of time. The only person that made me laugh is Al Gore when he said, “I actually was not intending to be here tonight, but then MTV explained that Justin Timberlake was bringing sexy back.” When the best punch line of the show is delivered by a politician, something is definitely wrong. This is supposed to be a music awards show but the problem is that the music of these so-called artists sucks monkey balls. Yeah, I may sound like an old pirate, but I miss the nineties. We also had incredible fashion disasters this year. Butterface Fergie, Jennifer Lopez, Pink, Paris Hilton and Ice-T’s wife Coco should be banned from the show for lack of fashion taste. Forever.

More pics of the bad after the jump.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Hypothetically speaking, if Britney Spears should ever divorce Kevin Federline, the clueless girl should never be permitted to marry again. In fact, I’m going to call my Congressmen in support of reinstating the bill of attainder just for this very purpose. A married Britney is not an attractive Britney. It’s generally accepted that Britney Spears didn’t make her millions from her singing (in)ability, and without sex appeal, she’s basically got nothing. Check it out:

Another major problem for Britney is her overwhelming sense of denial, which leads me to a conversation I had the other day. My theory is that in the incidence of young fame, a person ceases to mature at the age they earn their first million dollars. In Britney’s case, that would put her at a mental age of sixteen or seventeen years old. An example of said denial:

As the former teen pop idol gazes lovingly at herself in the mirror, Britney’s expression portrays her expectation that she will bounce back into awesome shape like really fast. Those might even be the pair of jeans she plans to wear home from the hospital after delivering her second child in so many years while KFed is busy “in the studio” cutting his fly record or some other such crap.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The Agent has decided she’ll do no more Tom Cruise posts until the couch-jumper emerges from his Fortress of Solitude and says or does something halfway interesting, or at least entertainingly demented. So we can all thank Xenu that there are other closeted adherents of a deranged pop-culture pseudo-religion ready to step into the breach and cover for Tom, as it were.

Not that I think this has anything to do with this photo from National Enquirer of John Travolta very warmly greeting a traveling companion. No, not even after reading the striking parallels Todd from I Don’t Like You in That Way found between this picture and several years’ worth of blind items in the dead-tree gossip columns. After all, Mr. Travolta is a widely traveled man, and he knows that in many cultures a kiss on the lips between two men is nothing more than a friendly way of saying hello. Plus, if you get lucky, it can lead to a session of sweaty, furious buttsex.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Gwen Stefani has pulled out of the MTV Video Music Awards - because she failed to win any top prizes last year.

After being snubbed at the MTV Video Music Awards last year Gwen Stefani is boycotting this year’s Video Music Awards, ’cause she ain’t no holla back girl.

A source told the New York Post newspaper: “Gwen had a ton of nominations and was under the impression that she would be taking home at least one award. But every award, except for that lame best-dressed award, went to Kelly Clarkson. We all know this shit is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

The source added: “Every time Kelly won, the camera went straight to Gwen. She felt set up.” A few times she’s been around that track So it’s not just gonna happen like that. Gwen a recent addition to the MILF Club, she had her first son Kingston in May, is keeping her fine ass home so she doesn’t have to throw a beat down to anybody.

At least she’s setting a fine example for the kid, teaching him a valuable life lesson. I wish my parents had been so caring and considerate, maybe I wouldn’t have turned out to the warped egomaniacal person I am.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Kate Moss has gone from best dressed to undressed in a matter of months. I for one welcome the change and encourage more, possibly more attractive, ladies to follow her example.

In one photo, Kate is seen wearing just a giant white head dress, while in another she is naked apart from a huge pair of angel wings; however, her breasts are covered by her arms which are clasped in a prayer position. The catwalk beauty even chose the angel costume herself.

“When she was asked which outfit she wanted, she immediately shouted, ‘The angel, of course!’ Kate said she wanted it because it reminded her of the part she played in a school nativity,” said a source.

Of course she did. Who doesn’t think Kate Moss is the epitome of an angel. I know when I think angle the first image that pops into my mind is Kate Moss, pre-crackhead days of course.

Another shot sees the 32-year-old model posing topless wearing a pirate’s hat and a pair of 60s-style briefs.

Free your boobies and your mind will follow.

I, of course, also welcome the increase hot naked Pirate Chicks on the Interweb. That’s an area that has been lacking greatly in recent years.

Photos, perhaps, as they’re available if agent bedhead doesn’t revoke my posting rights the gratuitous google chumming in this post.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I figured that since I have been posting links to some cocksucker’s site in my last 2 link dumps, it was time to give her a post of her own. The reason I call her fat is because she is fat. I know a lot of you get mad at me when I call girls fat. I assume it is because your girlfriends are fatter than the girls I call fat and you get insulted because you fuck fat girls, but if you think about it you should just be happy that even a fat girl would let you in her slophole. I guess it could also be that you are a fat girl who doesn’t think of yourself as fat because you are in denial, which is likely because I only seem to attract fat girls, it’s been a constant in my life. Either way I get shit on for saying it and I will get shit on for writing it here today about Armenia but remember her black dress is supposed to be thinning even as her hips try to bust out of it and Paris would NEVER hang out with anyone hotter than her. She is the type of girl you see at the bar with a troop of fat girls making a cockblock wall that you and your friends have to breakdown to get to the prize, usually involves banging the fat girl. That said, I realize that she’s definitely worth a round, even if she is fat and brown. Which brings us to another stepRULE or 2 or 3….

stepRULE 2: Every hole is a goal

stepRULE 3: With Fat Sluts, Come Fat Titties, Unless God Really Hates Them,

stepRULE 4: There is Nothing Funny About a Flat Chested Fat Girl

Still think it’s a stupid feature don’t you?

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I am always up for a birthday party, especially when it is someone’s 18th bday because there’s just something about barely legal girls, something called me going to prison, but that’s not the point of this post, the point is to say that this is James Jagger’s birthday party and he happens to be loaded to the tits financially because his father is Mick Jagger and his mother is that slag Jerry Hall. I dropping two british expressions in this post is overkill, but I’ll do it anyway. So anyway, this kid’s got his whole life of drug abuse and laziness ahead of him and he’ll be doing it in fucking style with sluts that look like these girls on his arm. I’d like to sit hear and pretend I am not jealous of him, because with money comes great responsibilty or some shit, but with 2 dollars in my wallet, comes hunger, starvation and death. Think about it.

Here’s another couple of stepRULEs for you fuckers.

stepRULE 6: Don’t Drop Too Many British Expressions or People Will Think You’re a Cunt

AND

stepRULE 7: Do not envy a rich kid, just become friends with one, get dirt on him and bribe him (if you’re a chick get knocked up by him and don’t get an abortion)

I don’t even know who these bitches are, James Jagger could be a girl for all I know, Meaning this could be James Jagger…..

Some weird viking shit that went on at his party:

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It is unlike me to post after I post the stepLINKS but today is a special day. Harry Morton just bought an engagement ring at Cartier and plans on proposing to Lohan this weekend. I assume dude’s knocked her up and that’s why her uterus is lookin a little fatter than usual. Another AIDS baby is just what the world needs. Morton probably should have used a condom. I’d like to thanks his Grandfather and Father for their restaurant money making skills that put him in a position to knock up Lohan.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I can only assume that this isn’t a real person. Before you start ripping into me, let me say that I know she’s a real person and not a sex doll, what I meant to say is that I don’t think this is someone’s ex-girlfriend. I think it’s really a model getting paid because I haven’t been able to find any information on this slut, and if her name is what I was told it was, I’d be able to track her down. Either way, she is a slut all posing sexy for the camera and letting her pics get posted on the internet and there is nothing I like more than amateur porn or amateur lookin’ porn. I know this is the shit I would jerk off to if could get hard. I realize that impotency is starting to fuck with my head now because my sex dreams are of me sitting in front of the TV jerking off. I wake up frustrated, so I look over at my fat wife, grab her cunt hoping it will get things going but realize it’s hard to find and once I get there, it’s cold and clammy. I get up in disgust, go to my computer and send myspace messages to girls. That’s pretty much my sex life. Which brings me to another stepRULE. Cuddles

stepRULE 5: When Sexually Frustrated, Use Myspace

Here are a bunch of pics of her Slutting Out
Here is her fake Myspace Profile