Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I never read the Kama Sutra. My parents strictly forbade it. My perverse yogi uncle however, did introduce me to several positions of sexual pleasure. They all seem to involve rusty sewer pipes, his sphincter and freshly made, hot dhosas in my virginal girl slit. They sear the most sensual scars on my purple labia. I find the connections to the Kama Sutra obscure and evasive. But what do I know. A simple call center girl from Bangalore should never question such wondrous mystery.

This brings me to the first new sex ritual of the New Year. It is a tribute to one of your great authors, Ernest Hemmingway. I call it, The Old Man and the Sea. To perform this most erotic act, you need to kidnap an old homeless man. The one in the picture is Pradeep. My uncle found him in the Ganges deep in meditative prayer. So he beat him senseless with a stale phulka and brought him home to my meager cot. There, my uncle awoke the old man with a sound slap to the genitals. Fragrant cardamom pods were put in his nostrils. My uncle then made the rundi ka bacha sodomize me with his unusually virile lund while he strangled his feeble neck with a dirty bungee cord. When his ejaculate had coated my tender chipkali to my uncle’s satisfaction, he filled his anus with coriander and drowned him in our slum’s communal bathtub because he had defiled me. This is The Old Man and the Sea. Own it and love it. Happy New Year from your favorite girl Hindu.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Unfortunately, I don’t speak of myself, but this is excellent news nonetheless - Ilyka Damen has hit the ground running walking at a very brisk pace.

In other news, if anyone is planning to upgrade to Wordpress 2.0, I’m pleased to tell you that the results (at the new blog) were SWEET. Do be sure and back up your MySQL database beforehand though, since if I hadn’t done so, I’d have lost my posts and would have had to restore them in a much more painful manner.

Hotlinking is now disabled, and I apologize for breaking the little decrepit hearts of the bandwidth thieves that persist. Assholes.

….and my new look is pretty kick ass so far, but you’ll just have to wait. HA ha.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Announcement time! The newest Apothegm Design can be found at GroovyVic’s blog, which is aptly entitled Fiddle Dee Dee:

Oh yes, that screenshot just happens to feature “Diamond” David Lee Roth, who provides an interesting contrast to the lovely Scarlett O’Hara within the design. Go see the rest!

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This is Christmas in Bangalore, India. A decrepit old relic of a Santa Claus, who reeks of burnt fenugreek and prods my girl holes until I run under our front porch to play with rats. Merry Christmas from your favorite little Hindu, Priti. Motherfuck you.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Vanessa Williams was one of the first triple threats back in the early 90s, she was Miss America, a singer and an actor. I think she’s doin’ some Stella got her groove back on this beach, not because she has a tight body, but because she is single and black. I am actually not a fan of women over 40, they become people to me and not people I want to see naked. That said, maybe this bitch should invest in a one-piece, maybe one with a little frilly skirt, and stop trying to re-live her youth.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Terry Richardson was made famous by Vice Magazine, Vice Magazine was made famous by American Apparel. American Apparel was made famous by amateur photography that bit Richardson’s style. Richardson bit Nan Goldin’s style. It’s all whole cycle of who made who famous and who ripped who off and the point of the story is we don’t give a fuck. I remember Stephanie Seymour when she was the coke/dorritos girl, obviously not too well, I have spent many years drinkin to forget, but it seems I only forget the things I am not trying to forget…..

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

When a local stripper and a celebrity porn star meet, it’s like watching kids at disneyland, you know, meeting Mickey for the first time. This stripper’s dream is to grow some titties with the money she makes riding truckers and make her way to L.A. for a life a suckin’ dick. It’s nice that this was documented.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

No matter how many years go by, you will always be the bitch I used to finger my ass to in the 90’s. You may be asking yourself why I would be fingering my ass to any girl and the answer is simple, I am impotent and this is the only way I could induce a flacid orgasm, so stop being so critical and look at this Aladin outfit worn by Posh, showing off all kinds of parts of her body, like a good Ol’ Drag Queen, heading to Elton John’s Gay Wedding reception. I got nothing wrong with drag queens or Posh Spice dressing as one, as long as she sings “I Will Survive”. Not in reference to her cheating man, but just because that’s what drag queens sing.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I guess no one really cares about the nipples of some 26 year old celebrity daughter, who got knocked up by some bearded motherfucker in some band none of us listen to, but they are nipples, and like I always say, my obsession with nipples started when my whore mother neglected to breast feed me. I don’t mean whore in a derrogatory way, she was proud of her life work, up until the day she died. So fuck you.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Jessica Simpson’s lips are fucked since she injected them with plastic. There’s nothing wrong with plastic surgery if you got face problems. What happened here is an insecurity developed based on nothing, she would freak out about her pencil thin lips and how unattractive they made here. Now bitch looks like she got beat up by her bf, and although he’s cut, I doubt he could hurt her, motherfucker’s too into cock. Either way, I gave you 2 Simpson pics for the day. Be happy.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I am a fan of Jessica Simpson, especially with her titties squeezed up into her chest, a pair of bootyshorts and an upskirt pic. I am pretty drunk and have nothing else to say about that. I know all you twats are annoyed of my rants. If I was with you right now, I’d kiss you. Not because I am gay, but because I am horny.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

This girl is 17,and looks like 35 year old chain smoking cocktail waitress. There’s something about a teenage girl who’s face hangs off her cheek bones that reminds me of mal-nourished street workers with syphilis. Syphilis is the new common cold where I am from and the exciting thing about it is that you can brag to your friends about having an STD, and it’s curable. It’s always nice to experience everything in life, and rumor is girls are turned on my guys who have had the germ….