Source: agentbedhead.com

This is one of those photoshops that’s good for a run every six months or so…it’s just…”priceless,” as those damn commercials tend to say:

Condi want a cracker?

Source: agentbedhead.com

Conveniently, when I’m just damn tired of hearing my own voice, it disappears. As such, the typing will slow to a halt as well. In lieu of any ounce of charm or wit, I proffer only the following eye candy:

Damn, he is just tasty. I must depart to fulfill some promises. Sadie is out.

Source: agentbedhead.com

You Are a Blogging Expert

You got 7/8 correct! You know so much about blogging, you should blog for a living.

Source: agentbedhead.com

The existence of pizza delivery establishments are proof that evil exists.

A few weeks back, when I still remembered how to transcribe a trackback URL, Velociman discussed the surprisingly influential experience as a pizza delivery boy. Oh gawd, did that bring back memories, and they weren’t the most charming ones, if I do recall correctly.

During my first two years as an undergraduate, I was a pizza delivery girl for a local operation that has since gone out of business. Their pizza was actually pretty damn tasty, but their accounting procedures were beyond remedial, which provided each store’s manager a very easy way to pocket some cash. At least that’s what I assume happened, since the paychecks started bouncing, the managers started “cashing” them through the nightly drawers, and well, that’s when I found a new means of making four bucks an hour plus tips.

Yet I digress, for I witnessed some truly hellish things, though I must give the delivery guys a lot of credit for attempting to shelter me somewhat. If an order came in from one of the several apartment complexes with dangerous reputations, they took those delivery runs. Unfortunately, perverts persist throughout all socioeconomic classes, so yes, I saw more “accidental” nakedness than one would care to admit. What kind of man really answers the door to pizza delivery whilst wearing a thin towel and nothing else? Not to mention the couples just happening to engage in oral sex while the greasy guy answering the door slurs, “How YOU doin, baby…wanna come in and…have a piece?”

Occasionally, one arrives on a doorstep to be greeted by a couple of very excited children, who act as if Santa Claus has arrived. That’s always kinda cool, until the drunken mother steps into the doorway and tosses an obviously hot check in your direction. Then recognizing the hesitation, she hands some bills your way, and pity overrides the entire situation. As luck would have it, on the way back to the car, all smugness disappears when the protective keychain-sized can of pepper spray accidentally discharges in a very inconvenient direction. Crikey.

Like Velociman, I learned that people call for delivery via a myriad of disfunctional motivations. These days, when I call for pizza, I try not to meet glances with the delivery person, lest I learn what they just saw down the road.

Source: agentbedhead.com

My favourite commie is hosting a Christmas Stamp photoshopping extravaganza, and I just couldn’t resist:

Do also check out the soap-inspired edition at Beautiful Atrocities, as well as the hell-i-don’t-know-how-to-describe-it edition at Riehl World View. It’s good stuff, Maynard.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Greetings, Idiot Graduate of the Prestigious Institution of Law:

Only twelve weeks until the most important exam of your lifetime!!! Congratulations and welcome to the first weekly e-dissertation to the privileged students enrolled in our crappy bar review program. These emails will keep you right on schedule and help you in your ultimate goal of becoming a lawyer, so you can screw other people over on a daily basis.

Tip for Week One: Read and Follow Your Syllabus!!!!

*delete*

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I am not a fashion consultant for anyone, except my friend old friend Ray, who’s a little hopeless. Dude smoked so much meth we think he’s turned himself into a retard, because dealing with this guy is like dealing with a Corky. So I take him the the Salvation Army, I buy him a T-Shirt, I pocket the change and buy a 6-pack. That’s the reason I hang with Ray and take Ray shopping. Part of me loves Ray and the government program that pays Ray and the way Ray gets me drunk. I’d like to pay tribute to Ray, just like Tara Reid is paying tribute to her vagina, by dressing up like it. I guess it’s in memory of when she could use it, you know before the HPV and Herpes caused the hole to close. I am not a gyno, but sometimes I pretend I am with homeless girls - just to see their cooters. I’m back.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

So she’s another overnight celeb on a reality tv show with fake titties and a love for getting naked on the beach. Even though she’s from the UK and they don’t have a sun. I got nothing against girls who get naked on the beach, even if they have fake titties, or if they are on Big Brother but I do have a problem with girls who do not get naked on the beach. I don’t really understand why bathing suits are still necessary. I would be happy being surrounded by a bunch of naked chicks, even if they were fat. I mean my wife’s a bit of a pig, I am over the whole every bitch has to look like a supermodel stage of my life, as long as they have a cooter, I am in the school that every bitch needs to get naked - and by bitch I mean you. Cuddles.

For more info on this girl, go Here(Her Profile via Big Brother Official Site)

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I don’t even know who this cooter is. I just know that I find male make-up artists in cut off t-shirts funny and that’s why I posted this shit. Back in the halfway house I lived in, I’ve talked about it before, we had this tranny bitch who used to work as a check-out clerk at some drug store by day and rock drag shows at night. This bitch was 275 lbs and got fired for stealing make-up from that drug store so men and make-up has always been a source of inspiration. That’s my story - Let’s get this update started. Cuddles.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Naomi Watts is in King Kong. King Kong is going to be a huge movie. I am posting pics of her nipples for good search engine results, and not cuz I like her, because seriously dude, bitch looks like she’s in her first tri-mester, not that I am against a pregnant woman - or a robust muff gut, but I am against British bitches cuz I don’t understand their accents. I am not really as cultured as I come across on this site. Tea is for fucking Fops who would be better off with a little anal insertion from their tennis partner. That was a gay joke that totally didn’t work out for me - but I am drunk and don’t feel comfortable pressing “BACKSPACE”.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I have an internet friend and his name is Vit. And motherfucker always beats me to the celeb titty shots - and gets all the cred for it from the bigger sites. I don’t get mad about that, because I am lazy and don’t care all that much about traffic, but figure since I don’t know who this bitch Kelly Hu is, and since my site’s pretty much about to die, I’ll give Vit that last bit of love I can - before the only reader left here is me cuz I know I’ll be too damn lazy to send him a click…..

That’s my story… go to

TAXIDRIVERMOVIE

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Kathy Lee Gifford is stacked. I guess that’s what happens when you have a lot of babies and breast feed them until they are 15. I don’t know if this is really true, but I knew a kid who used to sell me weed, who had a cousin who sold Kathy Lee’s kid weed wherever they live. Motherfucker used to be all nervous and shaky and when the dude I knew went to drop off a dime bag - he busted ‘lil Kathy sucking on momma’s teet. Either way, I spent most of my life unemployed - and with being unemployed and drunk ’til 10 am, my man Regis and this bitch is how many of my nights of drinking wrapped up. I never really noticed her tits, but bitch could breast feed more than her 15 year olds with this shits. I’m talking a small country, maybe where one of her sweatshops is set up.

For more info on this girl, go Here (Official Site)