Source: agentbedhead.com

Take the Star Trek Quiz

Source: agentbedhead.com

Yesterday, little ol’me was standing in line at my favourite place to shop, Target. (woohoo!) Of course, as some guy named Murphy would have predicted, this particular checkout lane was proceeding slower than Hugh Hefner on a fistful of Viagra. Why the telltale slowness, do you ask? Oh that’s easy – these customers were sifting through a twenty-page printout of a bridal registry list. As they discovered too late to care, the picture frames were not the precise variety selected by the bride, and the female making the purchase decided to purchase them anyway. After all, she can always exchange them for the crap she really wanted. Bleh.

When did it become so acceptable for receivers of gifts to exchange them for preferred items? I’m not speaking wedding gifts exclusively, for I was disgusted to hear a mother express this to her child at a birthday party recently. The child was whining about getting some board game that he didn’t want, and the mother saw nothing wrong with letting him be completely ungrateful. Methinks that instead of exchanging these unwanted gifts, perhaps they should go to a children’s hospital or other charity. Perhaps then the child could get some positive lesson out of this experience, no?

Yet I digress, so back to the bridezilla complaint. While I do understand the quasi-tradition associated with bridal registries, which is to help out a budding marriage by gifting the young couple with silverware and whatnot. Ideally, this allows the couple to cease decorating as if they were still in the college dorm. Yet I really am offended by brides who fill up a twenty page listing with all items priced at fifty smackers and above…. telling you what to buy for them. Such a demand for instant gratification is just immature as hell.

This reminds me, for those who have kindly emailed me, asking where I have registered, well, I haven’t registered, and I won’t be registered anywhere. However, positive thoughts are always welcomed. Heh.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Yep, that would be yours truly, since I am indeed leaving this open for the fodder of my precious lurkers.

Last week, I requested an interview of a heretofore unrevealed blogger, and the answer was indeed affirmative. Said interview is currently in process, and since it concerns timely matters, I must indeed post the finished product at some point before I leave on vacation. All shall be revealed before August 8th, so do consider that breadcrumb placed in a most strategic matter.

On a semi-related note, it seems that a third-party will also interview yours truly next week, although I am unsure of the subject matter of this interrogation. To answer a preemptive inquiry, I am surprised of this development as well. Details forthcoming. Heh.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Inspired by The Commissar, from his comment upon last week’s edition of White Trash Wednesday.

Post #1: 8:48 am

Sorry, I won’t be posting today…my life is much too busy, and I am so important. Gee, I hope you don’t go through withdrawal pains without me posting these pearls of wisdom. If you are really fortunate, maybe someday you will be as highly sought after as myself, but let’s face it, that won’t be happening anytime soon. Never fear, I shall post again, and you’ll keep kissing my ass when I come back.

Post #2: 9:10 am

Do you miss me yet? I’m really not feeling the love, Peeps. Comments Are Open.

Post #3: 9:31 am

Again, I’m really really sorry about not posting more. I am the world’s worst blogger. Please understand that blogging is only my way of blowing off steam, and I never meant for you people to become addicted to a daily dose of moi. Make that several daily doses, but hey, who could blame you? The blogosphere would collapse without me to hold it up, and lemme tell you, this burden ain’t light. You try it one day and you’ll see. Whoops – forgot I was busy. Later.

Post #4: 9:35 am

Whoa – Look At This Shit!

Post #5: 10:01 am

Sorry, I won’t be posting today…my life is much too busy, and I am so….. Oh wait, I already posted that. Sorry, got busy and forgot.

Post #6: 10:11 am

Citrus-flavored toothpaste – What’s up with that? It’s like drinking orange juice and brushing your teeth at the same time. I’ll take my Sunny Delight before, thank you.

Post #7: 10:27 am

Light posting day today, folks. I hope you understand some of us have to work for a living.

Post #8: 11:14 am

My comments section is not a chat forum. Go elsewhere if you can’t comment on something relevant to my brilliant prose. Do I do that in your comments? Oh wait – I don’t comment on other people’s blogs – I’m too important for that.

Post #9: 11:35 am

No one makes you come here to see if I’ve posted anything, so shut up, or I’ll delink all your sorry asses!

Post #10: 11:57 am

Smoke break. Toodles.

Post #11: 12:13 pm

Yeah I know I said this morning it would be light posting, but this afternoon, I really mean it.

Post #12: 12:40 pm

See how I’m not posting? Witness the awesome display of self-control.

Post #13: 1:15 pm

Here’s some wrong thinking for you. L-O-S-E-R.

Post #14: 1:50 pm

I need to go to the bathroom now, if that’s okay with you parasites.

Post #15: 2:03 pm

Now I’m headed to the bathroom. Right now.

Post #16: 2:37 pm

I’m back. Don’t look so worried! Sheesh, it’s like you thought I quit blogging. I would never do that.

Post #17: 2:40 pm

Blogging sucks. I quit. Forever.

Post #18: 3:21 pm

No one’s linked me today. What’s up with that?

Post #19: 3:39 pm

Wimmen suck. They’re ALL just alike.

Post #20: 4:03 pm

My traffic is kicking it. Have I told you people lately that I Love You?

Post #21: 4:11 pm

So, like, were you really worried when I quit blogging? Comments Are Open.

Post #22: 4:28 pm

My boss is looking at me funny. I’d better do some work now.

Post #23: 11:14 am

HAHA! Fooled you, suckers. Sometimes, it’s just too easy. I changed the timestamp on this posting. I can do that.

Post #24: 4:33 pm

Plamegate – Is that a play on words or something?

Post #25: 4:48 pm

Ooooh. Almost 5:00 – gotta go. 25 posts today – I work too hard for you people, so I’m putting my foot down. Light posting tomorrow, and this time I mean it!

Source: agentbedhead.com

Via Michelle Malkin, Jane Fonda plans to tour Iraq to protest the continued presence of U.S. troops. So what’s the real motive at work here?

Have you wanted to lose that last ten pounds while surrounded by the scenic Iraqi desert? In the Jane Fonda Baghdad Workout, Jane works one-on-one with you to firm, shape and sculpt your body for real results! Tested across America, this workout has convinced the general public that Jane Fonda is a whackjob, and this video will help you receive these simple and proven results for losing your common sense as well. Optional bullet-proof vest is recommended.

Jane Fonda Baghdad Workout – Routine:
8 minute warm-up – Get the blood flowing in the hot desert sun.
8 minute arm work – Salute the troops to lure them into false sense of friendly security.
20 minute aerobic section – Waving arms and shouting anti-war slogans.
8 minute cooldown – Propaganda huddle.
9 minute balance and flexibilty – Playtime with hand grenades and landmines.
4 minute floor stretch – Grovel on desert floor while attempting to be one with nature.
9 minute abdominal work – Laugh along with those who laugh at you.
12 minute leg work – Quickly run from rogue terrorists with car bombs.
5 minute hip work – Thrust pelvis while shouting “Hell no, we won’t go!”
4 minute buttock work – Censored.
3 minute cool down – Money shot with Gatorade sponsors.

The soundtrack to Jane Fonda’s Baghdad Workout is fun, upbeat and encouraging. The music tracks were written by Michael Moore, and the introductory stretches are narrated by Oprah Winfrey! There is different music in each segment, so the sound of artillery won’t become so monotonous. Serenity is key in this sound mix of hot beat salsa and late 60’s beats.

Every segment of this program is extremely strenuous. Beginner and intermediate participants should not attempt this workout. Originally designed as a “sequel” to the original Jane Fonda Hanoi Workout, which provides a good, overall foundation in mindless politics, the Jane Fonda Baghdad Workout will complete your requisite indoctrination into silly celebrity quasi-activism.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Remember that fat chick who sat in the back of the class, she had no friends and she never got attention from the boys, even the fucking losers who were missing teeth, because bitch was that disgusting. She lacked the social skills needed to integrate, because not all ugly people are losers, but this bitch just couldn’t hack it. She grew up, didn’t go to college because her family couldn’t afford it, and lived with her overweight mother until she died from diabetes complications. So this bitch maintained, by working the cash and taking over her mother’s room, now lonlier and hurting on the inside more than ever. She waited and waited for Mr. Right to come along, she sat at her counter wishing that he would one day come in a sweep her off her feet after paying for his Air Compressor. Her fantasy never became a reality, so with her hard earned Walmart money, she put aside a little every week, eventually being able to afford the bottom of the line digital camera. She was horny one day, it happens to the best of us sometimes, especially when we are well over 30 and the closest we’ve ever been to the opposite sex is giving them their change. So one night, bitch sets up the camera, and brings her cat who doubles as her only surviving family member and her only friend, and get’s down to business in her Bill Cosby pyjamas….that’s where the bitch from highschool is today, this isn’t an E! True Hollywood story, but it could be if she wasn’t such a loser…..This is your life motherfucker, don’t end up like the crazy cat lady in these pictures.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

There’s something amazing about small towns, and that something has to do with all the bored perverted hicks. They don’t know what the fuck to do with themselves except fuck the neighbor’s dog and videotape their wives getting facials from half the town, including your father, the highschool gym teacher and the police chief, because everyone is equally fucked up and you have all known each other from birth, it’s only natural to turn monotony into opportunity and that always comes in the form of town gangbangs with the local slut. The benefit of having a town that is only 2 hours outside of the “big” city is that there’s always one guy with the foresight to start something big, and in the case of Renfrew Canada, that came in the form of a Video Store/Sex Shop/Tanning Salon all under one roof. This shit is lateral expansion at it’s finest and if they ever opened a fish taco stand in the back, I could call this shit home.

Visit them at MovieMat

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I assume you all know what a fat manager is, considering they are always the girls you end up with. I know I am giving you way too much credit by thinking you do actually get pussy, so let me rephrase that, a fat manager is the girl you would end up with if you actually left your house and talked to girls. If you still don’t get it, because you are an idiot, the fat manager is the ugly girl that the hot girl surrounds herself with to make herself look better. The fat manager is a pain in the ass for people like me who like to fuck hot chicks because they always get dumped on you when you are moving in on the hot girl, they sit and talk to you, and you try to humor them and make them laugh because you think if she likes you, she will put the good word in for you. What you don’t realize is that she ends up digging you and when you ask to be hooked up with the hotty cuz community service is over, she cock blocks you, guilt trips the hot girl, because she gets all the guys and life’s not fair…..kill yourself if life’s that hard you ugly bitch, and get out of my way, cuz I want your friend lickin my asshole and not you, but I will let you watch, cuz I am into that. Paris Hilton’s got a couple fat managers at the beach…but who wants Paris’ cunt, that shits seen more unprotected cock that an effeminate inmate with a life sentence…..rich girls don’t have to use condoms….that’s the rumor.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

You ever wonder what happens when a brother and sister fuck and see the pregnancy through, not because they want to, but because they are too stupid to realize that brothers can knock up sisters, and one day when Betty Sue feels a like she’s got to doo harder than she’s ever had to thanks to eating too much BBQ ribs and coleslaw at the town fair, to her surprise, while sitting on the toilet in the communal outhouse, little Kletus falls out….reality comes crashing down…could it be Pa’s or was it brother Jed…anyway you get the idea and now here’s a picture to bring that point home. Brothers and Sisters should not fuck, and if they do, they need to abort, even if the welfare check doesn’t cover it, because trust me, the baby will end up like this.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

You know when your life hits rock bottom, your wife cheats on you with your best friend, the bank comes after you because you can’t make your credit card payments, immigration is on your fucking ass, they’ve almost tracked down where you are working under the table and where you live and motherfucker’s are knocking on your door. Have you hit rock bottom? Have you turned to the bottle, even though you were already on the bottle, and the bottle’s not taking away your pain? Where do you go from here. Well it seems like I have hit rock bottom, I’ve come to bring you posts and motherfucker’s have shut down my image hosting. Life is a mess, this is worse than having to fuck my wife after goin out for Mexican food, this is better than the time I got busted for selling acid to minors. You all heard about the guy who would give out “stickers” to little kids on the playground and how those stickers were actually acid, well that motherfucker was me. Now you know.

I haven’t figured out an solution to this problem, but as a broke and lazy hurtbag it won’t be easy, but I will have something up sooner than later and it will be better than it is now.

You just gotta believe baby.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

It’s unfortunate, Christina Aguilera is engaged, which means that for all you fucking losers, you will never be able to pretend that you have a chance, based on these pictures I wouldn’t be so quick to think that though. This bitch obviously has low self esteem cuz her boyfriend doesn’t look human. He has more flaws than most ugly people, he looks like a fucking primate. I know most of you aren’t winning your local beauty pageants, and I know you don’t have the kind of money this cat has, even his shoes are made of platinum, but I still think you have a chance, and so does your mother. We are the only 2 people who see your inner beauty, but at least your mom gets her asshole eaten out for it…what the fuck have you done for me lately, momma’s boy.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

Obviously being on Big Brother doesn’t give you any sense of what’s hot or what’s stylish, you’re stuck in a house with a bunch of rednecks, not that I have seen the show, but I did see an episode with some cowboy hat rocking toothless guy and his long lost sister (that’s what happens when you are trash, you lose your kids), anyway it doesn’t matter, bitch is showing the world her cellulite ridden legs and her dirty little ass, and I know some of you will be mad, because you have no taste and this is how all the strippers at your local truck stop dress…..including your mom and sister, I hear they have a great lesbian show. It’s okay, we all gotta make a livin’ somehow.