Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

I have recently applied for a job as the part-time summer editor at Fleshbot. I am pretty sure I am not going to get it because I never get anything I ever want and people generally hate me. They probably also require a university education, writing experience and all that shit. I don’t know how to fucking write…or what grammar is, except for maybe Kelsey, I used to role with that cat back in his coke days, before he married some stripper bitch with huge implants who was in Playboy about 10 years ago and I remember her having blonde pubes which is totally wild, anyway..point of the post is to get you to petition for DrunkenStepfahter.com to be the Fleshbot summer editor by emailing Fleshbot and tellin them what’s best for them.

This is the mail link

Read my application email – after the jump – warning – it’s not funny

To: jobs@fleshbot.com
from:info@drunkenstepfather.com
Subject:Fleshbot Job Application

Hello,

Welcome to my email. My name is Jesus Martinez and I blog for you. I have a website called drunkenstepfather and have had about 4,000,000 readers since I started in January. I am the best person for the Fleshbot because of passion, my passion for reaching out to people and making their life a little better. We live in a cold scary world and I am doing my part to make it a better place.

I believe that with the support of Fleshbot, I can achieve my dreams, I just need you to believe in me. Like every person with a dream, accepting the fact that I don’t have what it takes to make it on my own is the first step to getting there. The help of others, who have skills where I am seriously lacking, is needed to “take it up a notch”. Even Hitler had dreams and, without all the support of Germany would have never achieved them. I am not like Hitler, but I like to believe you are the Germany I would need if I was. I would write a sample blog entry, but I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. However, you may want to check out your emails over the last 6 months, you are bound to find pictures and posts that you have linked to, including today’s Hung T-Shirts.

I look forward to your response,

Jesus Martinez

DrunkenStepfather.com

Source: agentbedhead.com

It looks like the Divas kept things moving while I was frittering away elsewhere for an extended weekend. Lots of gratitude goes out to Kathy, Silk, and Chrissy – and just for the men, perhaps a faux wresting match in our panties.

Tomorrow, I shall return in relatively full force, as Tuesdays have become quite the weekly chore. See you here for the always sexy and entertaining Demystifying Divas and Men’s Club, as well as updates on the affair otherwise known as the Cotillion Ball.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Over the years I have developed a tendency to avoid reading or watching the news. Admittedly this is a rather disgraceful habit in the sense that it leaves me out of the loop on many important issues. On the plus side I tend to feel more well adjusted in that the goings on in the world do not make me perpetually angry.

One news piece I have been following intently is that of five year old Anthony Hinchliffe. During the school holidays a large group of 11/12 year olds enticed this boy out of his own garden and dragged him into the woods where they beat him and then hung him from a tree. Let me say that again. They enticed him to come and play for the purpose of torture and possibly death. Lucky for him that he escaped.

What has happened to these people?

Police questioned several of them and then released all but one, whom they have charged with grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice. Do you understand why I’m sickened yet? A group of eight people deliberately hung a child from a tree and they don’t even bother to charge attempted murder? Worse still they don’t even bother to charge more than one of them? And where the hell are we going wrong as a society when 11 year olds try to murder people?

Yeah I know, it’s all about the intent. English law will tell you that a child of 11 is incapable of creating the intent needed to be guilty of murder. I call bullshit. If a child can purposefully lure someone away from safety and then hoist them on a prepared rope into a tree, I’m pretty sure that kid has some idea what they intend to do. And if they don’t, why don’t they? What the hell are people teaching their kids these days? Don’t give me tht garbage about violence in movies and songs filled with angst. I grew up with that too. The thought never once crossed my mind to hurt someone else for kicks. I knew it was wrong!

The Jamie Bulger case sickened parents and children alike in 1993 yet it would seem that society has learnt nothing. Down the slippery slope we continue to slide.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Well, we had some seriously nice weather here today. Hence, I didn’t blog. I will admit, I was feeling a wee bit guilty about this development. Until I popped in and saw that Chrissy had, in the words of Steve-o, chummed the Google waters real good. Sadie won’t be losing any readership because of my actions. Instead, she’ll gain a whole new audience because of Chrissy. Life really is one big trade-off, isn’t it?

Anyway, I’m now completely guilt-free about it. I am, probably, the worst guest blogger in all of history. But I don’t see it that way. I’m fair-to-middling. And that’s just fine with me. Kath The Cake Eater: I’m all about mediocrity.

Anyway, I suppose while I’m here I should entertain you or something like that. Pffft. So, I’ll send you over to read about Mike Tyson’s embarrassing defeat to…Twinkie the Kid.

Quoth Tyson on his subsequent retirement:

{…}”I don’t have the stomach for this anymore,” Tyson said. “I most likely won’t fight anymore. I’m not going to disrespect the sport by losing to this caliber of fighters. I mean, sure, I’ve had the crap beaten out of me by a tomato can, but a damn snack cake?”{…}

Enjoy!

Source: agentbedhead.com

I greatly pondered what to write. Never before has another blogger handed me the keys and said ‘post at your will!’ After pondering I began to worry. There was absolutely nothing going on in the brain area.

Until this

It would seem that these days people are finding themselves a miracle anywhere they choose to look. In a crisp (that’s potato chip to all you Americans), on a slice of toast, a motorway underpass and yes even on a sheep. It begs the question, have the powers that be realized we aren’t paying as much attention as we used to and are now stalking us with their ghostly images in our food? Or are we just grasping towards a deeper something?

I don’t have the answers; I just have the questions and some pent up sarcasm. I am somewhat perplexed by Rosalie Lawson. When she saw the gross black crisp that she was about to put into her mouth she exclaimed “Oh my goodness” and recognised Christ. I would have thrown it away and been happy that I hadn’t put that thing on my tongue. Perhaps the lady is simply more perceptive than I?

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

So Victoria Silvstedt is romping around on vacation in a bikini with a little horny motherfucker. I can’t blame the guy for wanting to stick it to his woman, I mean they are on vacation, she’s got big tits and he has little big man syndrome, you know the kind of guy who never got pussy in highschool because he was so small, but little did the bitches know he was hung like a horse. His insecurities did him some good, motivated him to make shit happen and make enough money to get a model to date him. Now it is his time to shine, he’s telling everyone to fuck off, while he gropes his woman and mounts her like a horny fucking puppy….I remember a time when my sex drive was existant and I used to try and mount girls like this motherfucker. It was never on a yacht and I usually didn’t even know the girls, but sometimes when your penis takes over, you black out and forget right from wrong. After years of therapy, I am chillin not that any of you care, but I figured you should know there is always a way out of a dark place….Enjoy these pics, I know I think they are hype!

Via DV’s Sister

Source: agentbedhead.com

Source: agentbedhead.com

So, Madame Sadie always seems to share my fondness for mocking celebrities (and for pointing out the rhinoplasty addiction at FOX News Channel), so let’s see what we’ve got on tap for today.

• Damon Albarn, the lead singer for Blur (yeah, I have no idea who the hell he is either)has had the temerity to criticize Live 8 for being “just too damn Anglo-Saxon.” Sir Bob is apparently legendary for his treatment of people (and tabloids) that don’t go along with his way of thinking. Should be interesting to see if poor Damon and Blur disappear from the few maps they appear on.
• Courtesy of Sheila (who also happens to be our newest Divaesque Lady…YAY! We’re ever so pleased she’s joined us.) we have this fascinating article from The Hollywood Reporter about Tom Cruise’s Cult based PR meltdown. There is much comparison and contrast with Brad Pitt, who’s going through his own PR melodrama right now, but surprisingly is weathering it quite well. Hmmmm. Could Scientology THE CULT be the problem?
• Mark Lawson, who appears to be an Arts Critic for The Guardian has his own ideas about what really motivated Russell Crowe to slam a phone into the face of the Mercer’s concierge.
  

  {…}For a start, the story is intriguing for what it tells us about the lifestyles of the rich and famous. On what lawyers call the night in question, Crowe, promoting a film in New York, had reportedly just flown briefly by private jet to Manchester to watch a title fight. This may be psychologically significant. A man able to cross the Atlantic at a whim may feel that he has conquered money and time – two of the traditional constraints on humans – and may therefore be shocked to find himself defeated by a piece of technology as widely available as a telephone.

  Crowe’s apparent lack of access to a mobile is one of the oddities of the incident: we would imagine film stars to carry some kind of tri-band satellite phone thinner than a matchstick. My guess would be that the actor is phobic about either the potential radiation from cellphones or the greater possibility of journalistic eavesdropping. Another possibility is that a film company was picking up the hotel tab and he was determined to make full use of free facilities. But, for whatever reason, he chose to try a transpacific landline and, unable to raise the missus in Oz, ended up complaining to hotel clerk Nestor Estrada.

  Having been defeated by a machine, Crowe now seriously failed in human interaction. In the not very far Hollywood past, stars could treat others and especially underlings exactly as they wished. Violence, rape and even murder could usually be covered up by the studio or your backroom flacks. Crowe, though, had failed to see that the star-staff relationship has starkly changed.{…}

  Jeez. Talk about overanalyzing. You think this guy gets paid by the hour to come up with this bs?

  What’s more likely is that Russell has always had an issue keeping his temper under control. He blew it once again. Not a real big surprise here, people.

• Lindsay Lohan has apparently wrought more than just a story about how fake her boobs are. After she was rammed by a paparazzo on a bike last week, the paparazzi in Loo Loo Land are now under investigation by the Los Angeles County DA’s office for their tactics. Wooooh. I’m sure they’re scared.

  The more likely scenario is that the DA is coming up for reelection and needs to line his campaign bank account.

And that should do it for now, kids. I’m sure some dumb celebrity will do something stupid, yet again, before the weekend’s up. I will update when they do.

Source: agentbedhead.com

Another potential hijacking, a metaphorical one, yet equally degrading to the victims of the World Trade Center, is in the works. This is bullshit.

Source: agentbedhead.com

So this is what the fancy schmancy version of MT is like. {Peers around then begins to wonder why Pixy hasn’t upgraded her. Doubts float. Perhaps she’s just not cool enough. Sniffles start, tears flow. Waaaaah. Nobody Likes Me!}

Oh, hello there. Forgive my momentary lapse of reason and allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kathy and I’m subbing for Sadie for a couple of days while she spends some quality time with The Lad. You can usually find me over here, snarking away at some idiot. It’s how I predominantly spend my time because there are so many idiots that need snarking at.

Why, yes, I do find it’s much cheaper than therapy. Thanks for asking.

Anyway, this is just my test post to see if I could navigate the place. I see that I can. So….I’ll be back later with some snarky goodness for y’all. And maybe some p’shopping, since I see that Sadie has given me access to upload images. WooT! This could, conceivably, be a very good time.

Source: www.drunkenstepfather.com

What has she done for us lately…what the fuck am I saying, she hasn’t done shit for me ever. She was married to John Stamos the star of Full House, who’s career has really sky-rocketed since that show’s been off the air, but more importantly she was a hot model for about a day. She was tall, big breasted and had a pretty tight body, something we like in models. From this series of recent pics it seems like bitch has taken a liking to cake. That’s right she’s all fat and shit, and it can only be assumed that this happened in response to an abusive relationship, look at her bruised up legs. Life can be a sad place and I am no psychiatrist…but I do like to think that my wife was once tight, it makes fucking her a lot easier, I just close my eyes on that shit and pretend I am fucking something that was at least hot at one point in life, in reality she was always a fat oreo eating slob.

Source: agentbedhead.com

My very own Phin, and look, no identity crisis!